Hey, how about a totally unsubstantiated crazytown story, from the internet? It's about an advertising executive's penis! Oh, now you're interested. Well then, fine.

Yesterday afternoon, a reader sent us an alarming tale of the perils of love in the big city.

Pop music thingamajig Lady Gaga published her first V magazine column and boy is she trying to school readers. Not only do they get a lesson on how she came up with her "Born This Way" video, but also a lecture on art, fashion, and literature.

Paranoid egoists do everything they can to control the people in their inner circle. Wikileaks founder Julian Assange's tactic is to cajole associates into a blackmail-friendly, $20 million nondisclosure agreement.

Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels should have joined the presidential race by this point. Economic conservatives like him, he's beginning to mend fences with social conservatives, his close friend Haley Barbour won't run against him, and most importantly, the D.C. establishment glorifies him as a very serious, fiscally responsible Grown-Up. So what's the hang up? Mostly, he and his wife Cheri don't want to read long exposes about their unique marital history for the next two years. And certain other, shady candidates are trying to exploit this vulnerability and scare him off.

Here's a trailer for Horrible Bosses, the new star-studded comedy about a trio of unhappy dudes who decide to kill their, well, horrible bosses. The cast is great (Charlie Day! Colin Farrell! Aniston!) and the concept is fun, so why does it look so... dull?

Last night marked the start of the Cannes Film Festival, Hollywood's paid vacation to the south of France. So, who's currently caught up in the collision of blockbusters and indies? Oh, just about every star on earth. Here are just a few.

Remember that terrible mother who said she gives Botox and "virgin waxes" to her 8-year-old daughter to improve her chances at beauty pageants? Good Morning America tracked her down. Apparently Kerry Campbell—an aesthetician who regularly injects botulims into her daughter's face—is real, and says she's doing nothing wrong.

Facebook's craftiness has backfired—again. The company just admitted it was behind a shadowy PR effort to plant negative stories about how Google is destroying your privacy.

Whoaaa. Last night's edition of American Song Death was sort of an intense one! There was religious controversy, sass-mouthing of the judges, and an all around weird, crackling energy that reminded us: we're almost done with this bitch.

What do Courtney Love and the Taliban have in common, besides being harbingers of the West's decline? They both have twitter accounts!

Are you a 20-something who often reminisces wistfully on your high school prom, the most magical night of your life? The time when you felt beautiful, before the marriage and the kids and the end of discretionary "fun" activities, at age 23? Because you like your kids, I mean, you love them, of course, as well as the part-time job at the Dress Barn, and hubby Rick is really the apple of your eye, always will be, even if he's gained a few pounds since high school, but back then on prom night there was just this sense of, what, is "possibility" the word you're looking for? Yes, well. Never mind. Dreams really do come true.

The special election for New York's 26th congressional district seat — the one left vacant by our beloved Craigslist Congressman, former Rep. Chris Lee — is 12 days away, and the race is rapidly becoming hilarious. Mostly because of the rich, 78-year-old buzzard running as a third-party candidate on the "Tea Party" line, Jack Davis, whose healthy poll numbers could help deny Republicans a victory in this extremely conservative district. So who is this guy, and why is he slapping cameras?

Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP garden plan raises eyebrows. Leo and Bar Rafaeli break up. Lindsay Lohan's probation report says she was secretly drunk this whole time. Thursday gossip catches Miley Cyrus' attention.

This megastar lured someone to his Vegas hotel room and gave the person herpes—and now there's a $20 million lawsuit in the works. This actor hit his wife. And this celebrity is getting ready to come out next week. Could the dude with the herpes be gay and forced out of the closet as well?

As intelligence analysts pore over the stash of documents recovered in the raid that killed Osama bin Laden, a picture of a "micro-manager" is beginning to emerge. For instance, he thought Joe Biden wasn't worth the time or effort to target, but authorized targeting the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and other top military brass. But there's more!

Exciting news, Madofficionados! Yet another chance to own a piece of America's little Ponzi-schemin' dumpling is soon upon us. 58 lots from Bernard Madoff's personal wine cellar — hand-selected, the auction house director tells the NY Post, by someone who was "clearly not a connoisseur" — will hit the auction block next week.

Did you know that if you believe in universal health care, you believe in slavery? Well: It's true! Kentucky Senator Rand Paul said so during a Senate hearing today, and he is a doctor, so you'd better listen to him.

This week the folks at Fox News have been up in arms about the fact that Michelle Obama invited Common to attend a poetry reading with her. Naturally, the network mischaracterized pretty much everything while reporting on the issue, so on tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart tried to put it all back into perspective.

This video of an Emirates flight getting hit by huge tendrils of lightning on its way in to land at Heathrow Airport was taken last month, so it's a bit too early to add to our list of this week's scary airplane "incidents." (Also, no one aboard was hurt, and the jet landed "with not even a scratch.") Even so, it makes us glad that you fly on the inside of a plane, and not standing on top. Update: The video has been taken down, but you can see it here. [via Daily Mail]