Investigators recovered a "fairly extensive" cache of "modern, electronically recorded" pornography from Osama bin Laden's compound, according to Reuters. Considered in concert with the fact that he also reportedly had natural boner juice on hand, one can reasonably conclude that bin Laden spent the balance of his time on the run jackin' it.
Shortly before thoroughbred horses stormed the track at the Kentucky Derby, a cavalcade of chihuahuas ran in Chandler, Arizona's annual Cinco de Mayo Festival and Chihuahua Races.
George W. Bush, fresh off of his personal killing of Osama bin Laden with a golden six-shooter for which he deserves all credit, has finally commented in public about the dead Al Qaeda leader. The old galoot was booked at "a conference of hedge fund managers in Las Vegas" on Wednesday, and while he and the other thousand hookers were putting on their faces for the night, he was able to spare a few quotes.
Last night's elimination episode was certainly a corker! Who would have guessed that a whopping 25% of the contestants on the show would be sent home last night? Hm? What's that? Oh, there were only four contestants left so really no big deal.
Scarlett Johansson isn't pregnant, but maybe she wants to be? Matthew Perry returns to rehab. Lindsay Lohan hires a new publicist. (As if that will help.) Friday gossip is optimistic.
Now that this actress broke up with her man, she's using all her feminine wiles to get herself to the top of the Hollywood food chain. Luckily the men she's sleeping with are just as sexy as she is.
Who will al Qaeda choose as its leader now that Osama bin Laden is no longer with us? While Ayman al-Zawahiri, the terrorist group's second-in-command, seems a likely choice, others have suggested that the much younger—and more charismatic—Anwar al-Awlaki should take the post. On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert made quite a case for youth over experience.
In his 87 years on Earth, Bello Maasaba has married 107 women. Currently he lives with 86 of them. What led Maasaba to ruin his life by surrounding himself with so many women like that?
Remember the soul-crushing website for Yvette's Wedding Dresses, quite possibly the ugliest site in the history of the Internet? Wait! A new contender has emerged: Check out Arngren Teknologi & Gadgets, a Norwegian site that features a collection of random junk surrounded by an even more random collection of animated GIFs. Enjoy? [via Boing Boing]
"What you have on your license plate is everything ... It's your message to the world," says Floridian anachronism John Adams, who's been trying for years to exercise his constitutional right to put a Confederate license plate on his car. Will this warrior for liberty and freedom prevail?
Walterboro, S.C. resident Edward V. Spearman has been charged with trafficking illegal, hallucinogenic Psilocybin mushrooms that he allegedly grows in his secret mushroom laboratory. But Spearman's lawyer says his client's wares are actually flavorful shiitake mushrooms, which are legal even in South Carolina (for now).
For reasons unknown to anyone outside of his own team of advisers, Newt Gingrich announced his 2012 presidential candidacy yesterday in a tweet that linked to a YouTube video. So why is Gingrich, who first entered Congress more than 30 years ago, suddenly trying to appear young and hip? Nobody knows, really! But that didn't stop Jon Stewart from hypothesizing—and pointing out just how uncool Gingrich really is—on tonight's Daily Show.
Who of us hasn't, at one time or other in our wild and misspent youths, let one rip, mightily and strong, for the comic benefit of our peers? It's practically a rite of passage! Well, two such mischievous scamps, seventh graders from Ohio, have been suspended by their school for doing just that. Farting on their school bus.
It seems as though Ashton Kutcher is about to throw his hat back into the sitcom ring—and in a way you never saw coming. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the former That 70s Show star will return to primetime this fall—for a "big payday"—when he replaces Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men, which is still somehow the top-rated comedy on television.
Way up in Wasilla, where the men are men and the moose are meat, members of the high school symphonic jazz choir were excitedly rehearsing for the upcoming graduation ceremony, where they'd be performing an epic rendition of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." Then they were told by Principal Dwight Probasco (that's his staff directory page) that the song had been pulled from the program. "Why?" they wondered, having put months of effort into the big number. Probasco explained it was because he'd received a complaint from a parent. You see Freddie Mercury, the vocalist who had sung the original version of the song, was gay.
Your crush from the early '90s is in trouble and he needs your help. Particularly if you are an executive at Fox television. Also today: NBC announces some new shows, Craig Kilborn is back in the game, and Stephenie Meyer wins again.
Guess whose turn it is now to accept a fat welfare check from the world of conservative publishing imprints? It's Donald Trump's turn, naturally! The skinny-mouthed death hologram has signed on with Regnery Publishing — the folks behind bestsellers from Michelle Malkin, David Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, and whoever else sucks — for a "policy book," to be written on a crash schedule and released late this summer.
Dan Adler, a former Disney executive running for Congress in L.A., has released the Jim Belushi SNL skit of campaign ads. In a bid to reach Asian constituents, Adler, a Democrat, saunters into a laundromat where a Korean lady screams, "I HAVE ISSUES! MEDICARE! I'M KOREAN!" Then, some unusually straightforward race-pandering:
