First she buys a strikingly Abbottabadish compound in Arizona near her would-be campaign headquarters, then we hear about the release of a feature length propaganda film next month, and now we learn that Sarah Palin, the pride and shame of Wasilla, Alaska, is launching a national bus tour lasting "several weeks" this very fucking weekend. Is this all just another elaborate grifter trick to sell more SarahPAC gift shop tchotchkes? Because it looks an awful lot like a presidential campaign rollout.

Here's a trailer for The Descendants, a new seriocomedy from Sideways, Election, and About Schmidt (listed from great to greatest) director Alexander Payne. It's a Hawaii-set tale of a man who discovers that his coma-stricken wife was having an affair.

Strange things happen on the L train, like this spontaneous, flashmob-esque dance party, complete with a male stripper wearing nothing but a bathing suit and a pair of heels. Good thing he has the body (and skillz) to pull it off.

What kind of figure can bring comfort and warmth to old Dick Cheney, as he lounges all day, every day, in his black ice throne, presiding glumly over his subterranean militia of damned souls? Only one such person exists: It's that nice young man from Wisconsin, the dashing and entitlement-slashing Rep. Paul Ryan. You know, America's Accountant! Well, he's Dick Cheney's new hero, too.

Another day, another alarming finding about America's complete lack of core strength. A new report points to a possible culprit for our nation's ongoing descent into blob-dom: our cushy, chair-bound jobs. Does this mean you're doomed?

This morning Dr. Oz started adjusting to life after Oprah by making an appearance on The View. While discussing the benefits of fiber with the ladies, he noted that one of its side effects is gas. Naturally, this caused Whoopi Goldberg to start farting it up.

Remember that thing the Obama administration started a couple of months ago, something about "bombing the shit out of Libya"? No? Well it was right around the start of March Madness; perhaps you were distracted. But the Libya War, and America's military involvement in it, is still quite active. The only thing that's changed is that it's probably in violation of the law now.

The Financial Times has a long interview with Lady Gaga conducted by British actor/author Stephen Fry which the paper will publish over the weekend. We were given a little sneak peek of what Gaga said to Fry during the exchange, and she makes some insane claims, including that she went bankrupt funding her Monster Ball tour.

On his evening commute, a Manhattan cyclist spied a strange beast at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge. It had the scales of a fish, body of a serpent, head of a pit bull, and was the size of a large alligator. It was lying on a blue blanket, perhaps part of some strange ritual involving the can of Bud Light next to it. Unless these are the remains of a beer-swilling chupahipstera that died trying to reach Manhattan?

Well, friends, that's it. The Idol kids have belted their last. Long ago in January we began a journey that has brought us here, to the humid frayed edges of May. Congratulations, everyone!

Natalie Portman runs into the lady she stole her fiance from, while avoiding the lady who called her a fraud. Lady Gaga says her critics are bullies. Kim Kardashian could make millions from her wedding. Thursday gossip was born this sensitive.

Mad Men actress January Jones is pregnant and speculation about the identity of the baby's father has already started. This famous athlete makes the women he's dating get bigger boobs. He's going to love January after she's given birth!

Republican Congressman and former friend of the Taliban Dana Rohrabacher has an idea for curbing global warming: Gut the world's rainforests of old and decaying trees, because greenhouse gasses are "generated by nature itself." The California Representative thinks this whole idea of manmade global warming is bullshit, and wants to have developing countries with large rainforests to go in and do some heavy duty pruning.

The 2010 U.S. census figures have been released. The big picture, basically, is that men are living longer, marriage is downtrending, and the baby boom population is entering their twilight years.

Declaring Brian David Mitchell's crimes against Elizabeth Smart "unusually heinous and degrading," U.S. District Judge Dale Kimball's sentenced the man who kidnapped, raped and tortured her for nine months in 2002 to a life in federal prison. Mitchell had never spoken a word in court, "except to sing a string of hymns, beginning with 'O Come, O Come, Emmanuel,'" the Salt Lake Tribune reports.

Ashton Kutcher-obsoleted fingertip-poet Charlie Sheen bought a $7.5 million home in Beverly Hills back in March, so now it's time to unload the place he's lived in since 1997.

Just when things couldn't get any worse for the former governor, the California Attorney General is reportedly launching an "inquiry" into the possibility that Arnold Schwarzenegger used state funds to cover up his affairs.

MSNBC's Ed Schultz offered an extended apology to radio host Laura Ingraham on Wednesday, a day after calling her a "right-wing slut" on his own radio show. Schultz said he was beginning an "indefinite" leave, though MSNBC had earlier announced that he'd be suspended without pay for one week. In the course of his on-air statement, Schultz told his audience that he's tried to reach out to Ingraham to apologize. He also promised he'd never use the world "slut" again. [WaPo]

While the president continues his European tour with a stop in Poland, Michelle Obama is heading home. But is she going home to be with her daughters? Or is it because she hates Poland, and more specifically, its president?

Here's a trailer for Shark Night 3D, which is a movie about a shark, that was filmed in 3D. I'm not really sure what part is the "night" part, but there's definitely a shark, that lives in a lake.