The Netherlands' right-wing coalition government announced yesterday that it will ban tourists from weed-selling coffee shops by the end of the year, effectively giving the finger to backpackers everywhere. And while we generally support liberal drug laws, and have no fondness for Geert Wilders' anti-Muslim Freedom Party, we don't really blame the Dutch for wanting to limit drug tourism, given that it attracts the most annoying people on the planet.

We don't, as a rule, support terrorism, but sometimes we are sympathetic to its aims. As in the case of Freddy Caldwell, the Bronx man who threatened to blow up his local TV station if it kept airing Two and a Half Men reruns.

Miley Cyrus takes on Urban Outfitters and Rick Santorum. An "intimate home video" of Jennifer Lopez gets one step closer to release. And Kendall Jenner is taking a safe, common prescription medication. Sunday gossip is kicking off its three-day weekend.

Gil Scott-Heron, the poet and musician, died in New York City on Friday at age 62. Best known for searing, funny spoken-word songs like "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" and "Whitey on the Moon" — tracks that would later be cited as important influences for generations of rappers — Scott-Heron also wrote two novels and three collections of poetry. His most recent album, I'm New Here, was released last year. It's terrific — as is nearly everything he released, in particular his collaborations with jazz musician Brian Jackson.

What better way to honor the men and women of the armed services than to go see a movie? OK, there are many far better ways, but why not see a movie anyway? There are hangovers, and pandas!

Last weekend, a woman named Samantha went hiking with her friends near Spokane, Washington and documented the trek with her iPhone. After returning home and reviewing footage of the hike, however, Samantha was stunned to see an uninvited—yet strangely familiar—figure moving ahead of her group. Could it be... Bigfoot? [via KOMO]

Pop garbage act Katy Perry and her comedian husband Russell Brand are selling their four-story Los Feliz home for around $3.4 million (and are rumored to be relocating to Ben Stiller's old house).

Fish labeling! Dog drinking! Disease eradicating! Anorexia theorizing! Contaminated fishing! Radiation sexing! Distant-object spotting! Caffeine surviving! And whatever new thing they say about heart disease today! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—indiscriminately!

Making fun of people who think Onion articles are real is basically as old as the Onion itself. The New York Times does it. Fox News does it. And normal people do it, too.

There's trouble in Farmington City, Utah, as you can clearly tell by this headline on the website of local NBC affiliate KSL-TV: "Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies."

It's Fleet Week, that time of year when ships all dock in New York and the Big Apple is swarmed with scores of horny naval men and Marines looking for a good time.

The sequel to 2009's big sleeper hit comedy The Hangover opened yesterday in early anticipation of the holiday weekend and it is big. Its $31 million opening day is the largest single-day earning for an R-rated comedy ever, and third highest-grossing Thursday opening on record. So basically get ready for The Hangover III: Tijuana Nights. [EW]

Here's a trailer for The Whistleblower, a true-life drama about Kathryn Bolkovac, the Nebraska cop turned United Nations police officer who, while hired by UN contractor DynCorp, alerted authorities to sex trafficking within the force.

Sarah Palin's big Tour de Grift doesn't kick off until Sunday, but you can watch a mediocre 52-second YouTube about it right now! Watch as her slaves prep the bus, decorating it with stock photos of the Constitution and flags and mountains. Palin narrates some gibberish about the Constitution. An artist's rendering of George Washington is shown. Then some more stuff about the Constitution, etc.

Jeff Conaway, who played Kenickie in Grease, and was one of Dr. Drew's reality TV lab rats on Celebrity Rehab in 2008 has died after falling into a overdose-related coma earlier this month. He was 60.

Great news for the holiday weekend, everyone: One of the last broad federal bans on corporate political donations has been declared unconstitutional by a freedom-loving U.S. District Court judge in Virginia.

The one thing Scientology has always been missing, as far as dangerous cults go, is a good apocalyptic prophecy. It was always more about destroying enemies and controlling time, matter, and energy than heralding the end of days. But it turns out L. Ron Hubbard actually did predict the Earth's destruction.

Last night on Middle-Eastern Massacre the garter snakes of New York slithered across the Atlantic to Morocco and turned into cobras. They bit and hissed at each other over petty matters, until a brilliant Sybil shamed them all.

Whether he knows it or not, President Obama is about to fuck something up miserably and drown his administration in years of investigations. There is no avoiding it; it will happen, perhaps even by the close of Memorial Day weekend. Why are we so sure? Because a little thing called "math" told us.

After 40 years of painstaking labor, Pentagon researchers have finally combed through the 7,000-page Top Secret Pentagon Papers to ensure that none of the information contained therein—almost all of which has been public for as long as Marco Rubio has been alive—will harm the national security if released. Guess what? It won't! Except for 11 words. If they get out, we could lose the Vietnam War.