In the olden days, your parents used to smoke weed that was not chemically distinguishable from banana peels, which gave them a "hippy dippy" feeling, the most dangerous side effect of which was an affinity for neo-folk tunes. Today, you kids smoke chronic and shoot each other, or at least make up "freestyle raps" about same.
At 6 a.m. on Tuesday morning, Kenneth Wright of Stockton, California had his house door busted down by a SWAT team, who dragged him out of his house, held him down and handcuffed him, searched the house, and then took Wright and his three kids to a police station. The interesting thing about this: He had done nothing wrong! The SWAT team was just acting on a search warrant from the Department of Education to find Wright's wife, who'd defaulted on her student loans (See update below). But they're estranged, and she doesn't live there.
Nobody really expected the week to end without Anthony Weiner's penis splashed all over the internet. And here it is: Andrew Breitbart showed a couple of radio DJs a picture of what is likely Anthony Weiner's dick, then they leaked it on Twitter.
Today was Today show anchor Meredith Vieira's last day on the program. It was a very solemn occasion where they took time to recall her important moments like dancing with the Rockettes, falling down while ice skating, being attacked by Robin Williams and Russell Brand, polishing Colin Firth's trophy, and interviewing world leaders like Barack Obama and Miss Piggy.
Emma Watson's love life is lacking. Lady Gaga'a bodyguard beats up a fan. Suri Cruise's shoe collection is worth $150K. Chris Evans admits he is balding. Wednesday gossip intimidates men.
This star of an HBO show is supposedly coming out of the closet any day now. This sitcom star is trying to stay in the closet. And this group of bisexual Hollywood moms has a monthly playdate/orgy. Did a gay bomb go off in Hollywood or something?
Fried candy pop act Katy Perry, already a hilarious musical comedienne with ribald and tasteful songs like "Ur So Gay" (in which she says she hopes an ex-boyfriend hangs himself with his faggy scarf), has now entered the realm of funny acting with a new video.
59-year-old Alan Kimble Fahey is facing a legal shitstorm over a crazy compound/house/thing he's been working on for many years in the Mojave Desert that he calls Phonehenge West. The Man says Fahey needs to follow building codes, and Fahey's all like "no way, Man," and now he might have to tear the place down. A judge yesterday found Fahey guilty of violating building codes, and his lawyer told the Los Angeles Times that Fahey "faces pretty hefty fines and fees."
Pippa Middleton today lost the "coveted" 'Rear of the Year' award to someone named Carol Vorderman, who is famous in Britain for having a nice butt and for being on TV or something. After all of that Royal Wedding butt hype, Pippa should have won by a landslide, no? The award's organizer, Tony Edwards, explained to the Daily Express why Pippa's butt lost:
Technology! Without it, we'd never be able to immortalize huge penises drawn on school lawns with weed killer. But thanks to the efforts of Google, a 2009 prank at Fairfield College in New Zealand lives on, much to the chagrin of principal Gerhard van Dyk, who says he plans to contact the internet search giant about the lawn dongs now appearing on Google Maps. Penis discoverer David McQuoid, who was looking for property when he stumbled across the phallus, says "at first I thought it was a large piece of art work." Well, yes, David.
Staff Sergeant Robert O'Hair just returned home from Afghanistan along with the rest of his unit, though with lighter pockets. Why? Because Delta Airlines charged 14 of them an extra $200 each to check a fourth bag. In the video above, O'Hair and a colleague explain how they were treated by the airline.
After searching for two months, Australia's Department of Defense claims to have "lost" all but one of its files concerning UFO sightings, which were requested by a newspaper through the country's Freedom of Information laws. This leads us to two, equally plausible theories:
Much has been made of the fact that bulge-Tweeting congressman Anthony Weiner (8==D - N.Y.) is married to Huma Abedin, a close aide of Secretary of State Hillary Clinton — and that President Clinton officiated at their wedding. But having been through a not entirely dissimilar situation does not seem to have made the Clintons more sympathetic to Weiner's problem:
Connecticut became the 13th state to decriminalize marijuana on Tuesday with the passage of new legislation in the House of Representatives. Possession of less than a half-ounce of pot will garner you a $150 fine (one that increases with subsequent offenses); if you're under 21, you'll get a two-month suspension of your driver's license. Connecticut could save some $885,000 in court costs and attorney salaries, and make as much as $1.4 million in fines and fees, not to mention the obvious economic benefits for convenience stores. [Hartford Courant; image, of a Connecticut State Police officer removing a pot plant in 1996, via AP]
Around 6:30 p.m. ET on Tuesday evening, CNN, Reuters and The New York Times, among others, seized on the juicy news that a "mass grave" of at least 20 "dismembered bodies" had been discovered in rural Texas. Only, the cops hadn't found any bodies, membered or dismembered — just a house with some blood on the porch. Also: They were acting on a tip from a psychic.
Cyclists, pedestrians, drivers—we're all endlessly reckless in our self transit, it turns out. Just watch all the near death experiences at this single New York intersection.
Will a deliberately shadowy marketing campaign for the monster movie ruin its box office? Also today: Though much hay is often made about the ever-slipping ratings of the Olympics, NBC still wants 'em and they want 'em bad. Plus Cheryl Cole newz!
