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Every Comedian Was Right: Women Are Happy When Men Are Miserable

Caity Weaver · 03/08/12 10:03PM

Hey there, men. There are only a couple hours left of International Women's Day, but, if you've yet to pick up something nice for your special lady, you still have time to give her what she really wants: the gift of your sweet, sweet tears.

Unarmed Black Teen Gunned Down By Neighborhood Watch Leader After Being Deemed Suspicious

Danny Gold · 03/08/12 09:55PM

Trayvon "Trey" Martin, 17, of Miami was visiting relatives living in a gated community in Sanford, Florida. He had just left a local 7-11 after buying a snack and was on his way home around 7:00 PM on February 26. George Zimmerman, a 26-year-old member of the local neighborhood watch, saw Martin and called police to report a suspicious man in the community. He tailed Martin in his car. He had a loaded pistol on him. The police told Zimmerman they would handle it.

New Jersey Senator Puts the Hobo in Hoboken

Caity Weaver · 03/08/12 08:54PM

A New Jersey state senator went on a "self-appointed undercover mission" as a homeless man earlier this week, to spotlight what he views as discrimination against single men and those with mental health issues seeking shelter.

Child Genius Invents Awesome Monster Trap

Danny Gold · 03/08/12 08:27PM

Young Audri succeeds in inventing a "Rube Goldberg" machine to catch monsters. He also succeeds in making the rest of us feel very, very lazy and unaccomplished.

Kids These Days Just Keep Smoking Cigarettes

Hamilton Nolan · 03/08/12 02:31PM

Despite the fact that they have been bombarded since birth with public service announcements ranging from grim depictions of throat surgery to "cool" social media campaigns portraying cigarettes as a product consumed only by suckers, kids these days continue to smoke cigarettes, according to the U.S. Surgeon General, who has warned them about this a million times. Kids these days. What's wrong with kids these days?

How to Get Into a Good College Now

Hamilton Nolan · 03/08/12 10:55AM

Not long ago, getting into college involved nothing more than a fair-to-middling G.P.A., an essay about reading to the blind, and your parents' checkbook. Things are a bit more complicated now. College budgets are being slashed. Competition is intense. So intense that kids are starting the "college hunt" in ninth grade. Are you really prepared? You're about to be.

If We Stop Spying on Newark's Muslims 'People Will Die,' Says Lunatic

Hamilton Nolan · 03/08/12 09:47AM

Cat-stroking xenophobe Andrea Peyser has a Google Alert that plays the entire score to Leni Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will every time it finds a story under "New York Times AND NYPD AND I Hate Terrorist Muslims." Ding ding ding! Today, like every day, is Andrea Peyser's lucky day.

Stephen Colbert Panics as His 'Countdown to Loving Mitt' Clock Nearly Hits Zero

Matt Toder · 03/08/12 12:44AM

In preparation for last night's Super Tuesday contests, Stephen Colbert had created the 'countdown to loving Mitt' based on the assumption that Romney would be the presumptive nominee after the votes were counted. Since that wasn't the case, on tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen was able to reset the clock but not before panicking in much the same way many Republican voters seem to be panicking.

Jon Stewart Recovers From an Inconclusive Super Tuesday

Matt Toder · 03/08/12 12:08AM

Jon Stewart was promised that Super Tuesday would bring an end to this incredibly long Republican primary season, but that didn't come pass. On tonight's Daily Show, Stewart took out his frustrations on the candidates as well as CNN's Wolf Blitzer.

London Olympics Criticized for 'Obsessive Secrecy'

Caity Weaver · 03/07/12 08:00PM

The London Olympics organizing committee has come under fire for "obsessive secrecy" and "a chronic lack of transparency" over its refusal to give local politicians a breakdown of Olympics ticket pricing until the Games are over.