A 21-year-old Amish man was arrested in Connersville, Indiana, for arranging a sexual encounter with a 12-year-old via text message. William Yoder is accused of sending hundreds of dirty texts to a young girl, including pictures of his penis and "lewd videos."

"Hey, uh, Vancouver? Sorry for the violent riots." That's what a handful of regretful Canadians are saying on blogs, Facebook pages and media reports after they were linked to last week's downtown Vancouver hockey riot.

Thomas Dunikowski of Marine Park, Brooklyn, has become a folk hero of sorts among the "I really loved that movie Falling Down" demographic for leaning out of his window with a rifle and opening fire on a group of rowdy teenagers who were raising a ruckus outside his house. (See "purported" video of the shooting here.) Completely unnecessary! It is, in fact, possible to deal with the depths of teen awfulness without resorting to gunshots.

Amy Winehouse pulls the plug on her entire concert tour. Chris Brown accidentally tweets a private message for Rihanna. Kanye West hides his girly alcohol preferences. Tuesday gossip says no, no, no.

Well how about that: Jon Huntsman somehow rode his motocross thing all the way from Utah to the Statue of Liberty in a day to launch his presidential campaign this morning. The 2012 presidential election just got Xtreme, folks. Watch him talk about how fatally damaged yet fundamentally strong the United States is in the clip up top. Where do these boomer types get the audacity to try to fix the country after ruining it so? Well, that's another post.

This celeb was sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend and got so upset about their engagement, she took the ring! This actor is back to using blow and playing with hookers. We wonder what his best friend is up to.

Tonight, Cameron Diaz took over most of the Late Show to chat with David Letterman and promote her raunchy new movie, Bad Teacher. And with 25 minutes for Diaz and Letterman to waste together, it was pretty much a given that there would be some awkward moments.

I'm not sure if there's a Shoplifting Hall of Fame, but if there is, I'd hope there would be a place in it for Stephanie Moreland, 46, who pleaded guilty on Monday to one of the most ingenious — and tactically improbable — heists of all time.

Last month, a group of scientists in Prague unveiled a robot capable of juggling five balls at once. No big deal, right? Wrong! As Stephen Colbert explained on tonight's Report, this development—along with the invention of other "robo-slackers"—means that, after robots are done taking America's factory jobs, a new crop of lazy ones will target our "stoner burnout jobs." And that's a problem.

So Roger Ebert went and posted that stupid tweet this morning about Ryan Dunn's death, "Friends don't let jackasses drink and drive," which he is still standing behind, but really, just shut up Roger Ebert? Nothing was conclusive at the time of the tweet, friends and fans were still in mortal shock over the awful news, and if I wanted lectures about the perils of drunk driving, which I do not, I wouldn't seek them out from a movie critic? That tweet just summed up everything that's annoying about Twitter to me. People wanting to be heard, me not wanting to hear them. (And stop contributing New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest entries, already! You got your framed trophy and bragging rights. How much validation of one's pithiness can one man possibly need?)

A public monument to the Soviet Armed Forces in Sofia, Bulgaria was vandalized spectacularly over the weekend. The statues of the Second World War soldiers were painted to resemble such candy-colored figures of capitalist iconography as Superman, Ronald McDonald, Santa Claus, Captain America and The Joker. The spray-painted writing beneath it says the hack now puts the statue "in step with the times!"

Five months after MSNBC canned him, Keith Olbermann returned to television tonight as Countdown made its debut on Current TV. It's pretty much the same exact show: The new network is basically the only difference between this incarnation of Countdown and the last one. But just in case you have any doubts, Olbermann's typically over-the-top "special comment" this evening—in which he claims that he's the "last line of defense" when it comes to protecting America's independence from being taken away by evil corporations—is above.

A Chicago landlord called the cops on Sunday after investigating a leak and stumbling upon one of his tenants, covered in blood. But he shouldn't have worried! The guy was just performing a little D.I.Y. surgery on his dog. In the nude.

Jon Stewart appeared on Fox News Sunday yesterday for what turned out to be a pretty contentious chat with Chris Wallace. On tonight's Daily Show, Stewart said that Fox News had edited the interview in a way that not only made him appear erratic, but also omitted a statement by Wallace in which Stewart believes he admitted the network's conservative bias. Video of Stewart's rant is above.

The trial of fashion designer John Galliano, who was fired from his own label earlier this year over charges that he made anti-Semitic comments to a woman at a French bar, starts this week in Paris—and the new details emerging aren't pretty.

James Verone, a 59-year-old former truck driver, was having serious medical problems that he couldn't afford to get checked out or treated. If only North Carolina had a free, state-run health-care system!, he thought. Then he realized it does: in prison.

Scientists, whose life is basically spent telling people what they already knew, have confirmed: Whining is the most annoying sound, ever.

Mark Zuckerberg's creations tend to be creepy: Disturbingly personalized ads, 1984ish facial recognition, and the reprehensible forced sharing of personal information. But the music service the Facebook CEO is expected to unveil this summer sounds smart and essential.

The first of what is likely to be several verdicts in the case of exiled Tunisian dictator Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali and his wife Leila was handed down today: 35 years and $65.6 million in fines, on charges of theft.

Remember UCLA's racist YouTube ranter, who complained about Asians ruining her life with their annoying "ching chong ling long ting tong" language? She has inspired a new Asian-run campus business: