Last night, CNN teamed up with the Tea Party Express for yet another debate between the remaining 2012 Republican presidential candidates. But before the debate audience could get to cheering for the death of uninsured Americans, Wolf Blitzer spent way too much time on introductory pomp and circumstance. So just like he did the last time CNN hosted a debate, Jon Stewart mocked the network's focus on style over substance on tonight's Daily Show.

We all know that Ozzy Osbourne is a mutant freak, and that's why he isn't dead. But did you know his music has the power to find lost children? Well, one lost child, at any rate?

Teonna Brown, the 19-year-old woman filmed beating transgender woman Chrissy Polis at a Baltimore-area McDonald's, was sentenced to five years in jail on hate-crime charges. "I'm sorry. My mother did not raise me like this," Brown said in court.

Really, you probably shouldn't do anything if you feel like you have to puke, except go to the bathroom. But you especially shouldn't go hang gliiding. That being said, we're very impressed with this gentleman's ability to direct the stream of high-speed vomit away from his instructor. (Although, the poor people on the ground!) [via Reddit]

Here's a pro-tip for all you would-be romantics out there: If your girlfriend has taken out a restraining order against you, show up on her doorstep with some friends to play her some Dylan tunes! No, wait—don't. Don't do that.

The live web show launched as "What's Trending at cbsnews.com" is now simply known as "What's Trending," all because CBS News got all freaked out about one silly false report that the most famous CEO in the world had tragically died.

On the morning of September 2, Council Bluffs, Iowa residents became concerned. Concerned about the strange man who was lurking across from the school bus stop on Benton Street, dressed as a hot dog. The police arrived. And were SHOCKED.

The Boston Globe rolled out a handsome new website, and it's exemplary: No confusing mess of links, no upchuck of annoying ugly ads, and, best of all, no special crippled version for the iPhone or iPad.

When leaving a photo shoot in New York today, one of Lady Gaga's notoriously cantilevered contraptions failed her and her nether regions were exposed to the cameras. But just what the hell are we looking at here?

Your beloved newsman's new talk show had an inauspicious debut. Also today: Entourage ended well, Hugh Grant is heading to the clouds, and new TV projects are in the works.

President Obama introduced the American Jobs Act yesterday at the White House, clutching a print-out bound by a paper (or binder, fine) clip. Can you even believe that he would use a clip like that? What a jerk. Wait, what?

Immune cancer! Alpha males! Child naps! Hospital sepsis! Kidney disease! Erectile cure! More diabetes! Designer drugs! And you won't want to miss today's fruit that will kill you! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—opioidally!

Finally, Facebook is helping users create a list of real friends inside their official friends list. There's no need to share everything with everyone, after all. But watch out, because people will know when they're downgraded to your D-list. (Update below.)

In your departing Tuesday media column: Sam Sifton says goodbye to the NYT restaurant critic gig (with memo!), Nancy Franklin quits as NYer TV critic, more News Corp scandalism, and Mashable expands.

Ooh la la! Joe Jonas, previously chaste member of the purity ring-wearing boy group The Jonas Brothers, has gone and Timberlaked — striking it out on his own as a singer and releasing a sexxxy, sex-filled new sex video. Or music video, whatever.

In the future, things will be very slightly different. In the future, things will be worse. The future is now.

Last night's episode of Bravo's suddenly grim series did, blessedly, mostly lay off the grim. There were certainly bleak parts, but mostly it was ladies rolling around in the snow and complaining about travel.

Mike Arrington crossed Arianna Huffington. He lost. Now the soon-to-be former TechCrunch editor is hanging around his Disrupt conference flanked by twin security jobs. That's just interesting, is all we're saying.

A horde of foamy-mouthed "frugalistas" took down the website of corporate megalith Target for several hours this morning, when Italian knitwear brand Missoni launched its 400-piece "Missoni for Target" collection. I won't lie, I am not above this. I, too, visited Target.com this morning, seeking a pair of zig-zag patterened shoes I saw in the Missoni for Target lookbook. My greed for reasonably priced footwear crashed Target.com.

Last night I was too busy getting a drink spilled on me by Christina Hendricks at a movie premiere so I didn't see The A List. Luckily I ran into Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals, Dustin and Jayden, as they made their way from Barrage to the Q Train. They filled me in on what happened.