Ranting Weiner fetishist and far-right blog mogul Andrew Breitbart is so tired of "vicious" Twitter leftists and liberals calling him gay—which they do for no reason—that sometimes, during "unclear moments" of addled thinking and high emotions, he thinks about how cool it would be if America had another civil war. Then he might finally fulfill his promise of taking down America's Left, and also end his own victimization. "Major-named" people in the military has his back on this!

Ryan Gosling has had "two of the greatest girlfriends of all time," and neither of them are you. Lindsay Lohan loses something (that isn't her mind, her youth or her talent). And Salahi drama continues. It's Sunday gossip!

Hong Kong's Narcotics Bureau seized 1,250 pounds of cocaine, worth, in their estimation, $77 million, setting a new world record (and they think they'll find more!). Eight people were arrested, including one American, five Mexicans and one Colombian.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi may be a corrupt misogynist who's largely succeeded at turning his country into an international joke—but don't let anyone say he doesn't have stamina in the bedroom!

Back in 1977, Brooklyn-based artist Tom Otterness made a film of himself shooting and killing a dog he'd adopted from an animal shelter. It's art! But it's also evidence of an act of animal cruelty, which is why some San Francisco residents don't want Otterness to receive $750,000 in public funds to make statues for a local subway station.

Halle Berry's been filming her new movie, Cloud Atlas, in Glasgow, Scotland, where it's apparently as cold as the McDickens. To stay warm, the usually sweaty actress has been clutching to hot water bottles and doing dances, which we'll categorize as "funny."

We don't mean to be rude, but: who is this guy on The X Factor "world premiere screening" red carpet? And what has he done with Simon Cowell?

A 22-year-old Swedish man has discovered the nicest way ever to impress a new friend: rip up their wooden patio, break into their locked car to procure their power tools, and craft them a personal skateboarding ramp out of the patio wood. As a bonus goodwill gesture, leave your ax sticking out of their house.

Before their concert in Kansas City (the Missouri one), the Foo Fighters treated a bunch of Westboro Baptist Church picketers to a free concert that was actually a counter-protest against the church and its hatred of everything and everyone, especially The Gays. For the occasion, the Foos dressed up in the outfits they wear in their "Hot Buns video," in which they supposedly play either stereotypical truck drivers or stereotypical artists from Bushwick.

Famous pancake artist Dan Lacey has rendered this realistic work in which President Barack Obama cures his depression by having sparkly thoughts of naked Scarlett Johansson photos. In the bottom-left corner is Bo the Dog, wearing a lei (but not his right eye???!!) in honor of the Hawaiian continent. Currently on sale at eBay. Would look great in your bathroom, or your tent.

A disabled Atlanta woman says she was sitting outside and waiting for the ice cream man when a cop showed up and ordered her to move. When she refused—because she wasn't in anyone's way, or doing anything wrong—the cop allegedly manhandled her and caused her to fall to the ground. Then he bought her a medium-sized cone.

Lindsay Lohan crashes, and then gets kicked out of, Marc Jacobs' party. Tareq Salahi receives a picture of a penis in his mail—a penis we are reasonably sure does not belong to Justin Timberlake. Saturday gossip is here!

New York state Attorney General's Office lawyer Alisha Smith has been suspended without pay from her $78,825-per year post "pending an internal investigation," but probably because she's got a side job as Alisha Spark, heart-shaped pastied S&M performer extraordinaire. Or so the New York Post has learned!

Talk about dick moves: Two British drug dealers, one of whom is named Richard Johnson, are in jail after admitting that they attacked a late-paying mephedrone customer by putting his penis between hot straightening tongs. The customer, 18-year-old Anthony Dabbs, was so traumatized that he fled the town. Small business owners take note!

Maybe you were out savoring the last days of summer this week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you've just got some free time this afternoon and an itch to catch up on things. Whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the best videos we watched during the week that was.

Eleanor Mondale, daughter of Vice President Walter Mondale, died on Saturday, six years after being diagnosed with brain cancer; on Friday, Kara Kennedy, daughter of Senator Ted Kennedy, apparently suffered a heart attack and passed away. Both women were 51.

Are you a Filipino woman displaced by separatist fighting, and unable to sell your goods at market thanks to a closed-down road? Why not band together with your fellow woman at the sewing cooperative and withhold sex from your husbands until they stop fighting and re-open the road? It worked for the women of Dado, according to the UN's refugee agency. We'd call it a novel solution, but it's at least a couple millennia old. [UNHCR via Reddit]

Take a good long look at the satellite in the picture above. So that you can recognize it when it comes crashing down to earth next week!

You know how Jay Leno's lips are always firmly planted on his guest's behind, no matter who it is? How publicists enamored with Leno's softball predictability are always eager to book their clients on The Tonight Show? And how Leno rarely, if ever, challenges the answers a guest provides to the questions he asks? Well, that changed on Friday night. How so? Two words: Michele Bachmann.

Angry Birds enthusiasts, gather ‘round. Your dream of entering a larger than life, Angry Birds-themed world is now a reality. A theme park based on the popular cellphone videogame has opened in Changsta, a city in China's Hunan province. Now, I have never played the game in my life, but I know that there are many crazed fans out there for whom this is excellent news. Congrats, you guys, and finally!