Momentously eyebrowed useless old crank Andy Rooney has finally said enough. Just a day after CBS announced that the befuddled nonagenarian would return to his slot on 60 Minutes next week, they're announcing that next week will be Rooney's last appearance on the show. He's been there since 1978. About fucking time.
Jerry Guo's startup "Grouper" sets people up on dates with posses of strangers. That's the kind of company you need to be able to trust. Which is why it's especially relevant that Guo's history of conning people—and apparently the nation of Thailand!—has just been revealed.
South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, in what was eerily like the product of a micromanager's latest, dreaded "Aha!" moment, has ordered all state workers to answer the phone with this greeting line from now on: "It's a great day in South Carolina. How can I help you?" Cute! Hmm.
Cancer sex! Coffee women! Insurance cost! Doctor complaints! Fatherhood hearts! Diarrhea pools! Killer cantaloupes! Sleepy teens! And cheese is coming to take your soul to hell! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—inappropriately!
The frenzy surrounding college admissions has reached fraudulent levels. A college kid has been arrested for allegedly helping at least six students at a Long Island high school cheat on their SATs.
Former New York City Mayor Ed Koch recently endorsed Republican Bob Turner in the special election for Anthony Weiner's old congressional seat, helping him pull off the upset against Democrat Dave Weprin. Koch, who supported Obama in 2008, wanted to punish the Democratic party over "President Obama's open hostility to the State of Israel." But that was all a few weeks ago! He's now changed his mind and endorsed Obama, after being invited to a fancy party.
You know how your boozy friend Kathleen always pours that third glass of pinot noir and then says, "It's good for your blood pressure anyway." Well, apparently that lush Kathleen is wrong.
Facebook admits it went too far. The social network is quietly retracting a cookie that continued to report your Facebook user ID even after you "logged out" of the site. But it's not sorry about five other cookies that persist after you sign off. What, you didn't think Facebook would ever let you actually for real seriously 100 percent sign out, did you?
In your torpid Tuesday media column: Bill O'Reilly has another idiot book coming out, MSNBC is doing poorly, Salon.com relaunches, James Murdoch's flack quits, and speculation on Time Inc's next CEO.
Because we've been in a low-grade one, it appears, for years. Now that Adm. Mike Mullen has publicly accused Pakistan's intelligence agency of helping attack the U.S. embassy in Kabul, stories of heretofore secret Pakistani malfeasance are starting to leak out. It's almost like someone wants to start a war or something.
Our collective image of Vogue dominaeditrix Anna Wintour has always been as a hard-nosed ice queen, a Darth Vader under a helmet of hair, the stern and bitchy inspiration for The Devil Wears Prada. Due to some recent events, are we going to have to change our assessment?
International dramatic chipmunk Julian Assange had his ghost-written autobiography published without his permission last week. He got very angry about it! But it's a moot point, since nobody's buying it: Julian Assange: The Unauthorised Autobiography sold just 644 copies in its first three days on sale in the UK.
Here's a trailer for the thriller Man On a Ledge, which is about a woman in a ditch. No, just kidding, it's about a man on a ledge.
