In your dreamy Thursday media column: Roger Ailes has a skewed self-perception, Henry Blodget encourages you to steal his content, The Week is doing well, female sports columnists have a tough job, and James Rainey complains.

Yesterday on Way Too Early with Willie Geist, boldly wrong journopundit Mark Halperin phoned in an appearance from the lavatory of a Delta airplane.

There's a new Android app out (here's the English version) called "Is My Son Gay?" in which one can answer an easy series of questions ("Are you divorced?") that will tell you if, in fact, your son is a gay person.

Terminal cancer patient Aaron Jamison has hung on longer than anyone expected. We first met him last year, when he was selling ad space on his cremation urn in order to help his soon-to-be-widowed wife pay the bills. You, the generous Gawker readership, helped them out. Earlier this summer, we heard that Aaron did not have much time left. He's made it this far, but his situation is grave.

They are always sending insane contraptions down the runway in Paris, but there is nothing getting as much attention as this ensemble by British designer Rachel Freires. It's made out 3,000 cow and yak nipples and, yes, most people think it sucks.

The gay soldier known as AreYouSurprised caused an internet sensation when he publicly came out to his father on YouTube last week to celebrate the end of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Now it's time to come out to his mother. It doesn't go as well.

Ashton and Demi face divorce and cheating rumors, while their "other woman" prepares for a payday. Jessica Simpson takes 10 pregnancy tests and considers postponing her wedding. Holly Madison insures her boobs for $1 million. Thursday gossip surveys the wreckage.

The Onion botched a joke about congressmen taking children hostage this morning on Twitter. Now, the U.S. Capitol police are investigating the joke. Everyone chill out!

Seton Hall in New Jersey is a pretty okay school, if you judge schools based on the historical performance of their basketball teams (as I do). And now, Seton Hall has a special bonus deal: smart person discount!

Here's a trailer for the upcoming holiday weepy Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, a movie about 9/11 based on the same-titled literary gewgaw by Jonathan Safran Foer. It's about a magical little boy doing magical things.

The producers of this award-winning show told this actor he needed to stop the pre-set cocktails. This lady doesn't know her actor husband is cheating and this former idol has fallen and can't get up. Was there day drinking involved in that incident too?

In July, Jamie Leigh Jones lost her federal civil trial against KBR—one of America's most capable government contractors—when a Houston jury determined that her coworkers had never drugged, raped, and shoved her into a shipping container. Or maybe they had, but she'd been asking for it—you know, like KBR said.

Americans have long been subjected to the fun, rapey Axe Body Spray ads, which attempt to demonstrate to awkward males that all they need to mate with the right girl is a little body spray, and maybe some roofies.

America's public schools are mini Egypts, with their internet heavily censored by repressive dictators (The Administration.) But students and teachers have had enough! Give them Facebook or give them death!

A Redditor has dug up a comment thread on Officer.com—an online forum for the law enforcement community—in which several forum members crack jokes about all the pepper-spraying that went on during Saturday's Occupy Wall Street protest. One man's burning eyes is another man's source of laughter, as the old saying goes.

John Huffman is just a regular old organic chemist. He is nearly 80 years old. And just because he invented all of the fake weed that kids these days are smoking doesn't mean he wants to hear your jokes, okay?

The Australian clothing store Gasp Jeans—which, if you're not familiar (or just some fashion-illiterate hobo), is "the brand behind fashion['s] newest genre 'Playful Couture'"—has become a total joke thanks to its completely idiotic way of handling a recent customer service complaint. Companies wishing to alienate the public, take note!

Media bomb-thrower has been editor of Adweek for less than a year. Earlier this month, rumors began circulating that he would soon be replaced. Now, we hear, Wolff's days at Adweek are definitively coming to an end.

Not more than a week has passed since a Florida man sustained injuries in a shark attack, and already the lettuce porn fetishists at PETA have come up with a new ad campaign commemorating his memorable seaside experience. Now he can add "muse" to his resume.

A week after he suggested the U.S. government pillage the caskets of dead people to reduce its budget deficit, Stephen Colbert used tonight's Report to put forth an even more controversial plan for addressing the problem of illegal immigration and the "anchor baby" phenomenon. Let's just say that the umbilical cord is about to become much more important.