A law enforcement source tells the Washington Post that George Zimmerman will soon be charged in the shooting of Trayvon Martin:

Golf-playing platitude generator Thomas Friedman has a grasp on the English language that would probably be described, by Thomas Friedman, as "a big tree in the forest swinging in the wind," because Thomas Friedman is just a god damn nonsensical shame, as a writer.

A judge has ruled that Sam Zell—the gnomish billionaire and purposeful asshole who singlehandedly bankrupted the Tribune Co. in one short year, thanks to his own personal greed and incompetence—will be the very last creditor to get paid out in the company's bankruptcy proceedings. Dead last. Zell has $315 million of his own money at stake.

Californians are ready to claw someone's eyes out after a report from state's Department of Toxic Substances Control (DTSC) found that several nail polishes billing themselves as "toxic free," were, in fact, toxic times three: they contained formaldehyde, toluene and dibutyl phthalate (DBP), also known as the "toxic trio" of chemicals.

The GOP claims that there is no war on women, as the left has alleged, and on tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert set out to back up that claim. As he explained, the recent repeal of Wisconsin's Equal Pay Enforcement Act is not at all about a bunch of men deciding that women can't make as much as they do, it's simply about how money doesn't matter to women. In fact, it only matters to men, who need money to impress women.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart recapped two big tech stories that recently broke: Google's announcement about their Google Glasses product and Facebook buying Instagram for one billion dollars. Stewart doesn't quite get any of it - to him, Google Glasses are unnecessary and Instagram ruins pictures. He's not necessarily wrong, but he is definitely old.

A nanny in Northbrook, an affluent Chicago suburb, was arrested last week after she stole $600 from the wallets of the kids she was watching. According to a police report, the children's father confronted Alexandra Donohue, 22, after noticing the money was missing. She initially denied taking the money, but later admitted to police that she had — the one flaw in an otherwise flawless defense.

Bats, America's most precious bat resource, have been dying like crazy over the past few years (a devastating 5.5 million in the Eastern U.S. since 2007) thanks to something called White-Nose Syndrome, which is not a euphemism for cocaine addiction but, oh boy, does it sound like it.

AT&T, Verizon, Sprint, and T-Mobile are teaming up with the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to make it harder for thieves to use stolen phones, since you seem hell-bent on accidentally leaving yours everywhere.

A government climate report released yesterday confirms what we all guessed when we spent St. Patrick's Day sunning in our bikinis. Earth's hottest new club is America.

Kevin Systrom, 28, made off quite well when he sold his company Instagram to Facebook, personally clearing a reported $400 million, or $725,000 per day of work. But Systrom, described by one associate as an "ultra nerd," didn't get there on his own. Longtime girlfriend Nicole Schuetz has been with him the whole way.

Could it be that all of the facile Republican rhetoric about college being for snobbish elites who don't want to connect with real, moral America is absolutely true? Yes. Well. In the sense that college makes you more racist. Though Republicans should support that! So much cognitive dissonance today.

What are teens "screwing" up now, literally, more or less, ha ha? Teen pregnancy. Easiest god damn thing in the world. Takes nothing more than peer pressure, lax parenting, and copious amounts of "sizzurp." Still, kids these days can't even get that right.

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert gave up trying to find an alternative to Mitt Romney and instead turned his attention to helping Mitt pick a running mate. Colbert has some thoughts on potential candidate Iowa congressman Steve King, with whom Colbert has some experience. The guy hates gays and the disabled, what's not to love?

When it came to light last week that NBC had edited the content of George Zimmerman's 911 call the night he killed Trayvon Martin - an edit which strongly implied a racial bias via an excised question - Fox News went into full on outrage mode. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took a survey of their coverage and found it came up quite short, especially when they claimed some sort of righteous adherence to the truth.

John Steel, known to finger art aficianados the world over as The King of South Carolina, demonstrates the deft digit dexterity that earned him his self-anointed crown.

On the Australian edition of Wheel of Fortune, a contestant named Matt adheres to the the old adage: If at first it's not 'T' for Tom, try, try 'T' for Tom again.

After publishing an article advising his children to avoid black people, writer John Derbyshire lost his column at uber-conservative magazine The National Review and weathered a firestorm of outrage this weekend. Nonetheless, after undergoing his regularly scheduled chemotherapy treatment for Chronic Lymphomatic Leukemia this morning, an unperturbed Derbyshire agreed to a Gawker Q&A. His only request: That we publish his answers exactly as he wrote them. We agreed, and have not edited him.

Mark Judge is a white guy. He lives in DC. He had a bike. A few days ago, his bike was stolen. He doesn't know who stole his bike. But the theft of his bike does have a silver lining: it has freed Mark Judge to be a racist, from now on. Huzzah!

A bunch of us here at Gawker Media have received letters recently containing nothing but this single photocopied montage of magazine covers bearing the words, "WALL ST. JEWS."