Earlier this week, Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen was suspended five games by the club for his comments about the longevity of Fidel Castro. On tonight's Real Time, Bill Maher wondered why Guillen was suspended and pontificated that maybe Fidel Castro isn't so bad, at least not when compared to some of the world's other unsavory heads of state.

Motivations are supposed to be pure in Silicon Valley. Facebook, for example, was developed to make the world a better place; its billions of dollars in revenue are just a happy accident. And when a Facebook scion eagerly promoted her titillating new reality show, she was roundly condemned as a terrible sellout—by people who were themselves dying to sell out.

The Miami Aviation Department is holding its annual lost and found public auction this weekend and, holy balls, if you are, or are looking to become, a hoarder, this is the gig for you.

Widener University in Chester, PA has dug down deep to find tragedy within tragedy, an Inception of tragedy, for an art gallery exhibit opening this month. Here's what they came up with: There were twelve dogs on the Titanic. And nine of them died.

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took great pleasure in the way that the GOP has flipped the War on Women script against the democrats after comments about Ann Romney never having had a job. Colbert is so happy, he could dance.

Now that George Zimmerman has been charged with the murder of Trayvon Martin, Jon Stewart has begun preparing himself for the full on media insanity that is about to come our way. Consider tonight's Daily Show a warning worth heeding, because things are about to get even crazier.

Everyone loves a good "Oh, girl. YOU JUST GOT CALLED OUT" story. Today's comes from San Francisco.

2012's Make America Magic campaign is going strong in Tennessee where, earlier this week, a bill permitting public school discussion of creationism alongside evolutionary-based explanations for the origins of life became law.

Chinese cinema-goers looking to draw Kate Winslet like one of their French girls will have to do so from memory, after the state censored her nude scene in the 2012 Titanic re-release.

Treehouse tea party Zooey Deschanel adds "whimsy" to M. Ward's album A Wasteland Companion, writes Maine Campus' Derrick Rossignol.

For the first time since we invaded Afghanistan in the wake of 9/11, a majority of Republicans say that the war was not worth fighting. Even the superpatriots, the military do-or-die-ers, the America Firsters, the my-country-right-or-wrong crowd, have come to the conclusion that this war should never have happened. They're right.

Update:The package was apparently a "novelty grenade," and police say it's all clear.

Khristopher J. Brooks is a young reporter who was excited to be hired by the Delaware News-Journal last week. In a playful little gesture, he wrote up a fake "press release" on his own personal Tumblr announcing, "On Wednesday April 4, 2012, the News Journal Media Group acquired veteran education reporter Khristopher J. Brooks." He included some quotes about his career and background on the paper itself. For this, he was immediately fired, because NEWSPAPER WORK MUST NEVER BE FUN.

First Canada eliminated the penny. Then it introduced a glow-in-the-dark dinosaur quarter that cost $30 to buy. Now the Royal Canadian Mint has announced plans to develop a digital alternative to all coinage (and, possibly, small bills), called "MintChip."

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert spent some time working on a solution for the often difficult transition back to civilian life that many soldier face. Turns out, we all have a part in the solution just so long as it doesn't involve Colbert doing anything himself.

The Wall Street Journal has picked up on a cruel, mean girl trick embedded within the pages of Teen Vogue's 2012 prom issue. It is this: convince all the gullible girls to show up to prom in their PJ's.

Now that Rick Santorum has dropped out and Newt Gingrich can't afford to be on the ballot in certain states, it seems that the Romney vs. Obama general election match up is all set. To kick off their coverage, the Daily Show placed correspondents at Romney and Obama headquarters to survey where each candidate stands at the start of the main event. Turns out, they're in basically the same place.

The Journal of the American Chemical Society sent out a press release today that, in addition to being wildly speculative, is also ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING OH GOD.

A Philadelphia man arrested Friday after police found marijuana in his car gave cops an even bigger surprise when they discovered a gigantic bag of drugs tied to his penis. And then he gave them a third, even bigger surprise.

A couple years ago, when CNN Entertainment correspondent Shanon Cook was nine months pregnant, a man was polite to her in a grocery store. The obvious conclusion from this story is that this dude wanted to GET. IT. IN.