Breaking break-up news! Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio confirm that, after five months of heavily photographed Monte Carlo yacht parties and romantic strolls in Venice, they have split. So long, Bleo. You never even walked a red carpet together, Blardo. [Us, image via Bauer-Griffin]

In June, Alabama passed a law designed to punish adult illegal immigrants, minor illegal immigrants, and American children who made the error of being born to illegal immigrants. Last week, a federal judge upheld key portions of the law, and it's already starting to work! Alabama seems... cleansed.

Last night I was...well, I wasn't busy at all, but I didn't want to watch the sad, boring thing that is The A List. Dustin and Jayden were at the opening of a new country-themed gay bar Flaming Saddles, and here is what they had to say about the show.

NBC has pulled the plug on The Playboy Club after last night's episode only attracted about 3.2 million viewers. It was the first show from the fall season to get the ax. Like we didn't see that coming.

You know that wives' tale about oral sex causing cancer? Turns out it's true, if the genitals in your throat have HPV, the vaccine-preventable virus that also causes cervical cancer.

Women: what are they smiling about? Gurrrrrl.... U no it's U, gurl!

When Nancy Grace slipped a nipple on Dancing with the Stars, it caused a huge uproar. Now imagine if Nancy Grace ripped off her top, exposed her breasts, humped her partner, took off her G-string, and appeared completely naked. Oh, and Nancy Grace was a gorgeous model. That's what happened Sunday on Argentina's version of Dancing with the Stars.

There's news swirling around that this might be the last season of greatest television show ever made (there is no arguing that) The Simpsons, ending its historic twenty-three season run. Why? Well, because of money of course.

Ashton Kutcher's cheating scandal spirals into group hot tub nudism. Johnny Depp says being photographed "feels like you're being raped." Puff Daddy gets into a nightclub shouting match. Lindsay Lohan forgets her bra. Tuesday gossip promises to repeat.

Chris Christie, America's fattest governor, has been not running for president for the past 49 years. At a 1 p.m. press conference today, he is expected to rock the political landscape with an announcement that, going forward, he will persist in that long-standing strategy and maintain his status as a not-running-for-president person.

Starbucks' war against loitering laptop hobos has taken a stark new turn, according to anecdotal evidence! We knew that roving Starbucks employees were politely—but firmly!—ordering long-sitters to buy something or get out. But now the pigs are involved.

He needs a girl to make everyone think he's straight and she needs someone to boost publicity now that she's out of work. A match made in PR heaven. This actress used to be in a cult, and this famous husband is cheating on the missus. Shockingly, it's not with a man.

Today, global stocks sit at their lowest point in 15 months. In Europe, the markets are "in meltdown," as traders flee in fear of a Greek default that would devastate the continent's financial stability. The world's economy is stuck in a race car with a brick on the accelerator chugging full speed towards a ramp overhanging the tempting lip of the double dip recession. I think we can make it! Faster, faster, whee!

For the past 12 years Rob Thompson—aka "Jazz Man"—has driven the Campus Connector bus, playing jazz CDs from a boombox and greeting people with "hey baby" and a smile. He's the most famous bus driver at the University of Minnesota, if not the entire state of Minnesota.

Have you been under the impression that now, a decade after 9/11, you could stop fearing the ubiquitous Mysterious White Powder that could—at any moment—come spilling out of a nearby envelope, forcing you to evacuate your office? Wrong!

Frugal flyer Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian man and underpants bomb enthusiast who on Christmas 2009 allegedly intended to make an airliner go boom over Detroit, heads to court today for the first day of his trial on eight terrorism-related charges. Abdulmutallab has pleaded not guilty, but the evidence against him is pretty strong (a confession, a videotape of him explaining his bomb scheme, and the half-destroyed bomberpants he wore during his fateful flight, among other things) so he probably shouldn't expect a Christmas miracle. Given this development and the death of his inspiration source, Anwar al-Awlaki, just a few days ago, Abdulmutallab's kind of having a shitty week.

Fruit is so versatile: You can eat it straight from the store, eat it later, eat it baked in a pie or muffin, or not eat it at all—just let it rot away and feel guilty about wasting food (the fruit flies will console you). You can also use it to make your own Resistor Jeltone: an edible, functional toy piano.

Yesterday a passing motorist called 911 after spotting this Halloween decoration, which shows a fake man trapped under a riding mower, his fake-man blood messing up the lawn. Fake! Yet still scary enough to merit a "Caution: Graphic Images" warning from TV station WBTV. Boo!!!

As college kids gather in New York for the Occupy Wall Street protests, a group of students in southeastern Florida have a different cause they're fighting for: They're pushing for a ban on noisy leaf blowers.

The Rick Perry bad lip-reading video that transfixed the world last week now has a companion piece in this audio-doctored Michele Bachmann campaign clip, in which the rapidly receding candidate reveals the appropriate gift for a prison party (milk, not backyard meth), the number of Jew persons at the Hispanic prom (one), and a possible side-effect of the HPV vaccine (retardation). Oh wait — she actually said that last one.