Behold, the ne plus ultra of American innovation: Pizzametry, an automated machine capable of making custom pizzas in mere minutes, while you watch TV. Let us marvel at the pneumatic glory of Pizzametry spinning dough, slicing pepperonis, squirting sauce, and sprinkling cheese.

Here's a new, more detailed trailer for Steven Spielberg's War Horse, a sentimental drama about a boy in love with a horse. Not like, love love, not the love that dare not neigh its name, like fraternal love.

Maryland Democrats safely control both houses of the state legislature, along with the governorship. What a great opportunity to draw a bold Republican-screwing congressional map! See, they want to turn the state from a 6-2 Democrat advantage in the House of Representatives to a 7-1 advantage. How do you do that? Well, look at the funny squiggly picture up top, also known as a "Maryland redistricting draft map."

You thought after your 18th birthday you'd grown out of having sex in the back of the car. Not so for 71-year-old senior citizen Rita Daniels who was arrested for getting it on in the back of her Buick with a guy she picked up at a bar.

Surrendering to widespread outrage, Google has pulled the Android app "Is My Son Gay?" from its online store, single-handedly making the world safe for gay teens. Yay censorship!

The Associated Press has yet another shocking story about the NYPD's kafka-esque effort to literally monitor all Muslims, everywhere, all the time: Among the people the department targeted for surveillance was a leading moderate imam who was profiled in a Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times story and ate breakfast and dinner with Mayor Bloomberg while the NYPD was tracking him as a potential terrorist.

Mark Zuckerberg says his main goal is "to help make the world more open and transparent," which is how the Facebook CEO justified publicizing his users' private information. But when it comes to Facebook's finances, Zuckerberg has a double standard. And that's where George Lee comes in.

Danish dunderhead and director of occasionally great films Lars von Trier says he's being investigated by French authorities for saying (jokingly) that he's a Nazi. (The video is here.)

Matthew Perry, Ms. Chanandler Bong of Friends fame, has listed his Malibu study in geometry for $13.5 million. The angular "Pier House," as it is aptly named for its close proximity to the Malibu Pier, has four bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms and measures in at a 3,677 square-feet.

Nicolle Wallace, a former George W. Bush flack whom the McCain '08 campaign assigned to Sarah Palin to help her get through the day without ruining everything, did not come out of that particular episode with the best feelings toward Sarah Palin!

Not to be outdone by Bank of America's rank avarice, Citibank announced today that it's raising monthly fees for checking accounts—doubling them, in fact, for its mid-level option—and bumping up the minimum balances. They're basically looking at their customers, identifying the ones who have the least amount of money, and charging them more.

The next season of Top Chef will be set entirely within Texas, a privilege for which Rick Perry's tourism officials paid the show's producers $400,000. What are Texas taxpayers getting in return for their investment? Top Chef is suing the state to keep you from finding out.

Today at 3pm, Occupy Wall Street protesters will march from New York City Hall to the Financial District, along with members of scores of labor unions and other organizations. The question on everyone's mind: Will this be a repeat of last Saturday's dramatic "Battle of Brooklyn Bridge?"

Larry Ellison doesn't much care if you know he sleeps with employees, fabricates advertisements, or taunts people with his wealth. But what the Oracle CEO doesn't want you to hear is a presentation from a guy he invests in and who worked for him for 13 years. Especially if Ellison has the power to cancel that guy's speaking gig, humiliating him in the process.

A restaurant in Edinburgh recently held a spicy curry eating competition that wound up being a "shambles," as several people got sick and two were hospitalized.

Here's a look at the windows of the Chicago Board of Trade, in which a daring band of the nation's money people have fought back against the Occupy Chicago protest onslaught by declaring, "We are the 1%," with some signs in the windows. Stay strong, Producers! Keep on tradin', tradin' futures, tradin' the night away... [Occupy Chicago]

Online reputation managing company Reppler surveyed 300 "professionals" who participate in "the hiring process at their companies" to figure out the relative importance of job applicants' social media presences. Their findings: 9 out of 10 employers report using social media to screen prospective employees. 7 out of 10 report rejecting candidates based on their social media presences—and roughly the same number report accepting candidates based on their social media presences, too.

On its march of contrition for last season, Glee still stumbles toward the light, slowing things down and getting serious and dramatic once again. But every now and again it stumbles, just like last night.

A $39,000 backpack from the Olsen twins' luxury fashion line The Row was "the first thing that sold off the shelf," according to Ashley. "During our last economic crisis in the U.S., the only thing that went up was Hermès." That's why she designed this mind-bogglingly expensive backpack, made exclusively from the skin of the mysterious fourth Olsen sister, who lives in a cage in their basement. You thought Elizabeth Olsen was the secret one? Hah.

The recession has come to Sesame Street, as the show plans to introduce us to a new Muppet named Lily, a little girl whose family struggles to afford food.