This morning the clown-wigged sea snakes of Fox & Friends shifted from Christmas to Halloween, discussing some school principals who are waging war on school-time Halloween festivities. The sad outrage of it all!
Nixonian cretin Patrick Buchanan is such a jolly old coot on MSNBC—he's even got an adorable Odd Couple routine with lesbian leftie Rachel Maddow—that it's easy to forget that he's a White Power proponent who thinks it's "natural and normal" to prefer members of your own race to black folks. Luckily, he writes virulently racist books now and again to remind us.
Here's a trailer for In the Land of Blood & Honey, a Bosnian War-set drama that marks the writing and directorial debut of world's most famous lips-haver, Angelina Jolie.
It does not seem like a question of whether retiring Sen. Joe Lieberman will support a Republican in the race for his Senate seat, but which Republican he will support. Which one would annoy Democrats, the people he represented as a United States vice presidential candidate in 2000, the absolute most? This is a call he cannot afford to get wrong. Joe Lieberman is on the eve of great decisions.
Everything these days that isn't about vampires is about fairy tales. There's 18 Snow White movies coming out, that awful Little Red Riding Hood movie no one saw, and two fairy-tale related shows on TV this fall. ABC's Once Upon a Time came a-courting first. Was it a happily ever after or a poisoned apple?
Just as the Civil War turned brother against brother, father against son, Occupy Wall Street now has a civil feud, between overachieving identical twin sisters Jill and Nicole Carty.
If paparazzi pictures are to be believed, every celebrity in Hollywood spent the weekend taking their kids to a pumpkin patch. I'm positive that they didn't see anything as awesome as one of Ray Villafane's jack-o-lanterns. He is to pumpkin carving what Kim Kardashian is to butts.
At a press conference this morning, Julian Assange—whom we imagine was wearing nothing but a barrel and suspenders—announced Wikileaks was so broke it might have to shut down in a matter of months. Even more than it already has shut down, that is.
Jessica Simpson flaunts her baby bump, but refuses to discuss it. George Clooney's lady wrestler lover cashes in on fame. Lindsay Lohan "parts ways" with her business manager. Mel Gibson spends a night not getting drunk. Monday gossip profits.
A huge record-setting debut for the third movie in the Paranormal Activity franchise means that Halloween is upon us. Also today: The robots continue to fight on, Footloose keeps dancing, and the Musketeers meet their match.
This young actress couldn't hold her liquor and left it on the carpet the hard way. Good thing her older boyfriend was there to care for her. This actor is loving fatherhood but also loves his mistress. And this boy toy is taking care of his body for his sugar daddy. Those older boyfriends are a lot of work!
Once upon a time, McDonald's sold a nasty porkish meat sandwich called the McRib, featuring all of the entrails that fell on the floor of the slaughterhouse pressure-formed into a pleasing "rib" shape. The McRib's variegated bouquet of grease flavor and resemblance to a bloody giant slug corpse naturally made it a "cult favorite," meaning "staple of the American diet." Now it is back. You greasy, greasy bastards.
In an email titled "Hilarious/Horrifying?," a tipster sent along this picture of a TSA luggage inspection notice that came with a sexxxtra-special bonus message: GET YOUR FREAK ON GIRL. "This happened to my friend on a flight on Saturday," the tipster writes. "Apparently TSA found a 'personal item' in her bag." Hmmm, so I guess free sex coaching services are part of TSA's mission now? Nice to know they're concerned about our well-being on all fronts.
What would cause a heartless jack-booted armed thug cop to heartlessly slap a tiny little bitty dog? (What!) A wee little Pomeranian mix, slapped out of a third story window? (No!) A tiny sweet little pet trying to protect his precious family, only to be heartlessly—heartlessly—slapped, by a cop, out of a window, falling three stories, its tiny body twisting as it plummeted to the hard, heartless ground below? (I never!) Outrageous!
Hollywood child bride Courtney Stodden and her 51-year-old husband Doug Hutchison stopped by their local pumpkin patch over the weekend to purchase a pumpkin that they could carve into something scarier than their May-Spooktember relationship, if that's even possible (no). But some miserable jealous shoppers who have never known true love spotted them behaving "inappropriately" amidst the gourds and complained to a pumpkin patch patrol unit, who kicked the couple right on outta there. Seems the hateful Halloween horde also didn't like Stodden's outfit of frightfully immodest Daisy Dukes, a plaid shirt tied Daisy Duke-ily in the front, and knee-high white go-go boots—even though it's what she (probably) wore to church. (Women's fashion tip: when running agriculture-related errands, wear flats instead of stripper shoes so that your heels don't get stuck in the dirt.)
Scottish authorities have launched a murder investigation into the death of Stuart Walker, a 28-year-old man who was brutally beaten, burned, then tied to a streetlight left by a roadside early Saturday morning in the town of Cumnock. A police department spokeswoman told The Scotsman that Walker probably did not die from his burns, but reports suggest that he may have been burned while still alive. Walker was gay, which has prompted questions about whether his murder was a hate crime. Police told BBC that "there was nothing to suggest" it was a homophobic attack, though they haven't ruled out the possibility. Update: Earlier reports that Walker had been found tied to a lamppost are incorrect, police say.
