The President stunned the nation on Monday when, after arriving in Los Angeles at 4:30 p.m., he directed his motorcade to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles — a West Coast favorite that melds the two greatest foodstuffs known to mankind into one, crispy-skinned, syrup-smothered, hybrid foodstuff that defies all logic and mealtime expectation. He ordered the No. 9, the "Country Boy," which includes three chicken wings and a waffle, and enjoyed his takeout — brupper? suckfast? — in the limo with his aides. Deeelicious. The First Lady, meanwhile, quietly wept into her arugula patch. [LAT, Photo via AP]

"Because it was there." No four words have done more to inspire the incredibly stupid to achieve ever-dumber heights. For one such man, a 21-year-old from Vallejo, California, "it" in this case referred to the infant bucket swing that hung tauntingly in Blue Rock Springs Park.

Jon Huntsman, aka the Mormon ex-governor running for the Republican nomination for president not named Mitt Romney, sat down with Stephen Colbert on tonight's Report, no doubt hoping to bump up his anemic poll numbers. And while Huntsman's defense of Mormonism (people will come around, just like they did in the '60s with JFK and Catholicism), concern about economic inequality in America, and demonstration of his fluency in Mandarin made for good television, it probably won't do him much good in shoring up support with the GOP's conservative base.

Anyone who's been to Zuccotti Park in downtown Manhattan to check out the Occupy Wall Street encampment leaves thinking one thing: Jesus Christ those drummers are annoying. And now, those drummers—whose constant, irritating presence has earned the wrath of the local community board, as well as most of the occupiers—may bring down the movement itself.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart cheered President Obama's announcement last week that he'll withdraw all remaining U.S. soldiers in Iraq by year's end, a date originally set by President Bush in 2008. So it was strange for Stewart to see many big-name Republicans, like John McCain and Michele Bachmann, using their weekend to condemn Obama for sticking to a plan that he hadn't even crafted, one that ends a war, no less.

Here's a brand new Herman Cain campaign ad, starring chief of staff Mark Block, that was just posted, unlisted, to his official YouTube channel. As far as we can tell, Block is drunk, and outside an Olive Garden? And the cameraman is some guy with an iPhone, also drunk, whom Block met at the bar? But, really, the horrible panning and cheap tilt-shift filter are nothing compared to what happens at the 40-second mark. Just trust us on this one, okay? We told you the guy was stupid! [via @pourmecoffee]

Now that basically everyone in Libya has seen the corpse former dictator Muammar Gaddafi in the mall freezer where he's been kept since his death last week, it's time to find a new spot to keep him. Like a "secret desert grave"!

No one likes James Murdoch! Not his dad—News Corp CEO Rupert, who's not pleased with James' handling of "hackgate"—and not independent News Corp shareholders, three-quarters of whom voted against returning James to the board of directors.

Everyone's favorite fantasist has gone and made a stealth film. Also today: Melanie Griffith gets a new gig, so does Jenna Elfman, and E! embarks on a terrible new journey.

That's all you need to know, folks! He's not confused, or glib, or uninterested. He's stupid. Like Forest Gump. Or Sarah Palin. He doesn't understand the things that he says. We can't all be smart, or even average. And Herman Cain isn't.

Memeified chanteuse Rebecca Black is still at it. She's recording a new video today, with random people she found on Twitter. Will anyone still care about this video, seven months after "Friday"? That's like 8 in meme years.

Michele Bachmann's entire team of New Hampshire staffers quit as a group last week, a development which Bachmann at first claimed was "certainly not true." That alone should tell you that it was true. But just in case there was any confusion out there, the resigning staffers sent out a press release today. It does not speak well of the Bachmann for President campaign operation.

Remember that woman who was busted for selling a $1.7 million moon rock? Turns out it was a little old lady who claims her dead husband was given the rock by Neil Armstrong himself.

Chambered nautilus! Flying satellite! Supernova mystery! Cycad fossils! Ancient art! Geoengineering recognition! Black scientists! Mastodon extinction! And crazy birds think they can fly around with nail heads? That's crazy! It's your Monday Science Watch, where we watch science—explosively!

Now, I love Halloween and I think that the display KJ92508 has rigged up in Riverside, California, is just about the coolest thing since the lady in my neighborhood used to give out whole Snickers bars to trick or treaters, but, man it must suck to be his neighbor. Not only are you blinded by the lights and strobes and other effects, but just imagine all the visitors trying to get a glimpse of this dancing house!

Congratulations, Jessica Simpson! Jessica Jr. will have plenty of great music to listen to when he or she enters this world. Here's some of it.

Newt Gingrich has often expressed his desire, were he to win the Republican nomination, to debate President Obama in seven three-hour "Lincoln-Douglas style debates." These area not likely to happen, for several reasons. But Gingrich has convinced Herman Cain to debate him next month in a "modified Lincoln–Douglas debate," the modification being, what... that they both argue the pro-slavery position? Hmm.

Remember Anna Fermanova, the sexy Russian smuggler of night vision hunting scopes who caught the tail-end of the "sexy Russian spy" craze and turned it into a fleeting TV career? She has been sentenced to four months in prison (followed by four months of house arrest) apparently because her crime was deemed "not part of a nefarious plot." Turns out she wasn't part of a sexy Russian terrorist ring! Just a sexy Russian millionaire big-game hunting ring, motivated by capitalism and a family business. Whew. [The Smoking Gun]

Australian director Baz Luhrman, who never met a quick cut, flashing light, or Botox-deadened Nicole Kidman forehead he didn't like, started filming his adaptation of The Great Gatsby in September. But what is it going to look like?

The Republican presidential primary field entrenching into a Mitt Romney vs. Really Conservative Alternate Person contest presents a fine opportunity to see which regular employers of ultraconservative, uncompromising red meat rhetoric on the right are actually just establishment GOP operatives. Do they start fretting publicly about candidates' general election viability, or do they resist practical temptations and hold out for a true believer? In the case of haunting televangelist Pat Robertson, it's going to be the former.