America is currently embroiled in a student loan bubble and when it pops, wooo buddy. *Makes whistling sound, gazes off into distance*... let's just say that I hope you can use some lacquer and a long stick to turn your college diploma into some sort of edged weapon to fight off the starving graduate student food mobs. Let's just leave it at that. Let's not get explicit, except to say that banks will literally take your mother's home if you try to not pay them back, so, you know, the weapon thing is maybe the way to go.

The number one fiction book in all of America today: soft core spank-sex LOLrotica extravaganza Fifty Shades of Grey. The number two fiction book in America: the sequel, Fifty Shades Darker. The number three fiction book in America: Fifty Shades Freed, the final entry of the "erotic trilogy."

Have you heard that video is a big thing over at Gawker Media? It's true, we watch and post a lot of videos each week. Here are some of the best videos of week, culled from an array of Gawker Media sites.

On tonight's Real Time, Bill Maher closed with rant about the state of our country's political discourse. "The only politics we understand is scandal," he said, "and the only scandal we understand is sex." Maher recounted many politicians who are not held accountable for their lies until those lies involve sex. It all boils down to the very problematic way we talk about both politics and sex in the United States.

Here is a Goatse license plate from Indiana that a reader spotted in Washington, D.C. yesterday. It was on a Scion, which is appropriate since Scions are the horrid gaping assholes of vehicles. Goatse license plates are nothing new. Here's one from 2005, here's one from 2008, and here's one from just this month.

Mike Silver first started making music on his computer when he was 12, and for much of his life kept it fairly private. In 2008, he won a remix contest and slowly began to take his music public, culminating in a series of orignal albums and EPs (his latest, Exercises, was released on Tuesday). Under the name CFCF, he's built an impressive and wide-ranging body of production (he calls his genre "atmospheric electronic music with cinematic undertones"), but his music still retains a certain bedroom quality — an implied quiet, a sleepy intimacy, the close-quarters sensation of a private conversation.

In order to better address the needs of our fitness-obsessed readers, we are introducing this semi-regular column, "I of the Tiger," to take on the vital hardcore fitness issues of our time. Today: girl stuff. Dig it.

Tomorrow evening, the cream of our nation’s mainstream media celebrities, political celebrities, and celebrity celebrities will put on tuxedos and evening gowns and gather in a ballroom in Washington, DC to mutually give one another handjobs, in a mostly metaphorical sense. This is because the most powerful elements of our nation’s DC press corps are all “on the same team” as the people they cover (politicians) and the people they idolize (celebrities). This is called the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner, and it is the single most revolting annual gathering of pseudojournalistic cocksuckery in all the land.

Last night, 30 Rock aired its second live episode and it was both funny and ambitious. Mixed into the show's main plot was a string of sketches that charted the history of television and worked as an homage to live TV. The clip above features a few of those sketches, including great parodies of the Honeymooners, Amos and Andy, and Laugh In as well the work of guest star Jon Hamm.

Last year, 24 year-old Michael Ikoli was shot and killed in the Bronx. Wednesday night, his friends held a candlelight vigil in remembrance of him outside his old apartment. At that vigil, Jonathan Lewis, 22, was shot and killed.

On Tuesday night, President Obama appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to slow jam the news and, according to Fox News, pander to the youth vote that he desperately needs to win another term. On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took a close look at Fox News' reaction to President Obama's appearance which, naturally, they weren't too wild about.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart caught up on the various government inquiries into Rupert Murdoch in the wake of the hacking scandal that caused him to shut down the News of the World. The story's various highlights - the hacking, the prime ministers hanging out with Murdoch on fancy yachts in Greece, the total rejection of any culpability - put this right in Stewart's wheelhouse.

Good news for people who love freedom, hate terrorism, and people who do not live in Yemen and will never visit Yemen and do not appear to be from Yemen or its surrounding areas: the U.S. government is relaxing its rules for drone strikes in Yemen. When it comes to incinerating more or less inscrutable targets with unseen missile attacks like Zeus himself, why be encumbered by a bunch of bureaucratic rules?

Social media sleazbag Hunter Moore said he was turning over a new leaf last week when he sold his revenge porn site Is Anyone Up to an anti-bullying website. Shock of the century: He's still a shitbag and would like everyone to pay attention to his shitbagginess.

All you need to know about the very latest trends here in the American Dream of USA of America™ is this: love is dead, marriage is an anachronism, the family has disintegrated, and all is chaos. But we're making good racial progress!

We have previously discussed the fact that there is little more unsettling than encountering a baby who is better-dressed than you. So we are heartened to learn that designer baby clothing is even more of a ripoff than adult designer clothing.

Slut-obsessed sexual sex columnist and hate machine Andrea Peyser is unafraid to speak out when hot, young, sexual teens are doing something potentially sexual, with their bodies. Journalism, you see, is the reason that Andre recently spent the day prowling St. Marks Place, watching young kids who've been taught at Elementary Sex Palaces get piercings in dark, unspeakable places. "We have 16-year-old girls who want their nipples pierced!'' one piercing guy tells Andrea Peyser, I imagine after she hit him with a blackjack, stripped him naked, tied him to a bed, and demanded, "Tell me about teenage girls getting their nipples pierced, or else."

This is the trailer for Samsara, a "non-narrative" film coming to U.S. theatres in August of 2012. It is the "sequel" (if non-narrative films can have sequels) to the 1992 film Baraka, of which Roger Ebert said, "If man sends another Voyager to the distant stars and it can carry only one film on board, that film might be Baraka."

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert broke down a few recent ways that people are trying to stay healthy, or barring that, stay thin and childless. Even if you aren't all that into fitness per se, there's bound to be something in this segment that can help improve your life.

Dave Toledo's got some big brass balls.