At the National Magazine Awards ceremony in Manhattan's Marriott Marquis hotel ballroom, famed New York Magazine editor Adam Moss took the stage with chocolate on his face, almost certainly from the Chocolate Pot du Créme dessert course served only minutes before. It had gotten into the stubble under his lower lip in a smear that covered a goodly part of his chin, giving him the appearance of a man casually accepting an award for Best Magazine Section just after being punched repeatedly in the mouth. The three sizable television screens placed at the back of the stage enlarged Moss's chocolatey visage so that it could be clearly seen from the back of the room. Though his cacao calamity was the subject of many whispers amongst the assemblage, its existence did not appear to register in the consciousness of Adam Moss whatsoever. He left the stage without incident.

"Let's teach horny frogs to zip it up" is the headline today on the professional newspaper column written by Andrea "Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Embittered Tabloid Lady" Peyser. Seems like a good headline for someone whose primary interests are anger and frog cocks. (Andrea Peyser.) What is in this column, today?

The internet is a rough and tumble place. To survive here, you must be rough and tough, steady under fire, thick-skinned. That's why most bloggers are known to be dashing but intimidating "tough guy" types, menacing to dudes but irresistible to women. Sadly, not everyone is cut out for this harsh environment.

The recent global economic collapse combined with the cravenness of the banking industry and the general cheez-brained of the American public have made it all but inevitable that eventually the general public would simply start hoarding their few remaining valuables in iron boxes built into their bedframes and/ or outhouses. Some in the safe industry are "reporting sales increases of as much as 40 percent from a few years ago." But what are you people keeping in there?

Why do people go to grad school? It all depends. In "the humanities," people generally go to grad school because they like to smoke marijuana, or because they dislike the prospect of finding a "real job," or—and this one is key to the whole grad school house of cards—because they "want to teach." The elusive and illusive prospect of a career in academia helps many kids justify spending tens of thousands of dollars on a graduate degree that qualifies them for no other jobs. Strangely, people who major in fields that have actual applicability to the world outside of college campuses have other career goals.

Springsteen played in Newark last night, and while some of us didn't get to go, at least we've got a pretty good video of his heartfelt tribute to the late Levon Helm — a cover of the Band's classic "The Weight." [via @NickBaumann]

Bicycle handlebar ribbon
Live action-animated hybrid musical number
Treehouse tea party
Cork-stopped terrarium necklace
Gold-plated park carousel

Today, Vanity Fair published several excerpts from the romantic correspondence of a young Barack Obama, displaying a penetrating mind and an impressive command of language on the part of the future president, who had just transferred from Occidental College to Columbia. His letters, as biographer David Maraniss writes, "wove [their] way though literature, politics, and personal philosophy"; our own Maureen O'Connor notes that they "reference T.S. Eliot, 'bourgeois liberalism,' and Jacques Derrida."

The New York Times Magazine's cover story this week is about Edward Conard, a wealthy private equity titan and former business partner of Mitt Romney's, who has written a book arguing that income inequality is actually good for the middle and lower classes, because the promise of great wealth spurs more investing and risk-taking which eventually benefits all of society.

Patricia Krentcil (pictured), a 44 year-old mom in Nutley, New Jersey, has been arrested for allegedly taking her five year-old daughter into a tanning booth with her, giving the child a "pretty severe sunburn."

There are a some striking images coming out of today's May Day protests, but this must be the most absurd. It's is a picture of self-declared 'citizen superhero' Phoenix Jones and his sidekick at Seattle's May Day protests, which have at times erupted in violence. Phoenix Jones has been wandering around Seattle today, allegedly dousing protesters with a comically large bottle of pepper spray.

Congratulations, investors: the Dow Jones Industrial Average today hit its highest level since December, 2007. We're right back to pre-recession levels. It's as if the past four years never happened.

Here is Kate Upton dancing in front of Terry Richardson. Here is Kate Upton dancing for Terry Richardson. Here is Kate Upton dancing. Here is Terry Utpon dancing like a cat.

It is fortunate that the legal profession is renowned for its graceful sense of humor about its own problems, because the "new generation" of lawyers will consist only of one cute dog, because everyone else knows that going to law school would be the worst possible decision that a young adult can make except for eating that third slice of Pizza Hut's new Cheesy Bites™ pizza simulacrum. Let's check in on the depressing mire of gloom that is the legal profession and its educational antecedents, shall we?

For years, watchdog groups have been warning that the allegedly "nonlethal" Taser is not, in fact, nonlethal, based upon circumstantial evidence such as, you know, a lot of dead people. Taser has always disputed that, because it would be bad for business. Now comes science.

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert reiterated his love for concealed weapons and discussed some of the latest advancements in clothing designed specifically for concealing, and deploying, your handgun of choice. Because nothing says America like everyone carrying a gun.

The Family Research Council, the stringently anti-gay group that just won't go away, has a new target: the makers of Mike and Ike candy who are breaking up, according to the FRC, as part of a gay divorce plot line. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took a stab at understanding why these people see gayness wherever they look.

A day before Occupy Wall Street hopes to shut down New York and cities across the country in massive May Day protests, the NYPD visited at least three activist homes in New York and interrogated residents about plans for tomorrow's protest.

The NYPD's SHIELD counterterrorism program has compiled an extensive dossier (pdf) on tomorrow's Occupy Wall Street General Strike, during which protesters hope to shut down New York and cities around the country. Leaked this afternoon, it's probably the most comprehensive document created about tomorrow's protests.

It's School Board meeting time in Duval County, Florida, and you know what that means: a chance to review the disciplinary infractions of teachers in Jacksonville's public school system. This story brings you all of the amazing highlights. What sort of educational rogue's gallery do we have this month, Duval County School Board?