Successfully smuggling little bags of pot (and pot seeds) into jail is difficult enough. How do you smuggle in a whole lady? Especially a stripper-lady, who might look conspicuous in her Lucite goldfish shoes, neon spandex underpants, and bare-boobs ensemble?

Kourtney Kardashian of the French reality show "Les Kardashiennes" is with child for the second time to Scott Disick, the 99 Cents Only store's answer to Patrick Bateman. Gah, why does she let that creepy guy keep touching her? Oh yes, because he's the ElephantPenis Man. Sigh.

Michael Davis is a hyperactive 5-year-old diagnosed with ADHD who frequently gets into fights at school. His mother calls him an "energetic, loving, good kid" who is misunderstood by school administrators at Rio Calaveras Elementary of Stockton, California. They disagree, frequently complaining to his divorced parents that he is a discipline problem. When the school didn't see any improvement, they took matters in their own hands, and invited a police officer to the school to scare Michael straight.

During a commercial break yesterday, Wolf Blitzer received news that a woman was about to allege a 13-year extramarital affair with Herman Cain, who happened to be in a CNN studio with Blitzer at that very time. So as anyone who watches things very closely would do, Blitzer proceeded to ask Cain about the forthcoming allegation. And while the actual interview was entertaining in its own right, it pales in comparison to a version played by Conan O'Brien on Wednesday night's episode of Conan, which you'll find above.

Last week, a billboard touting Wodka brand vodka's winning combination of "Christmas Quality" and "Hanukkah Pricing" appeared over Manhattan, only to be taken down less than 24 hours later. On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert went the unexpected route and actually decried the advertisement's offensiveness—but not for the reasons you'd expect.

Christmastime is here — the most wonderful time of the fourth-quarter of the year! String up the lights! Set up the Robot Santa! Invite your third grade students to your house to trim your tree, and make them wear bras and panties, and videotape them doing it! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Do NOT do that. Definitely do not do that.

Remember when romance-defiling reality hag Patti Stanger went on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live and suggested all gay men were undesirably effeminate sluts fraught with disease and incapable of monogamy? How about when she then lied to Joy Behar about her remarks while simultaneously making even worse ones? If so, you'll be happy to know that Stanger finally issued a proper, well thought-out apology to Andy Cohen on tonight's Millionaire Matchmaker reunion show.

Occupy LA is about to be evicted. (Guess traffic finally cleared up!) LAist is liveblogging the showdown, which will apparently be underway just as soon as a hovering helicopter's searchlight turns off. Watch it all unfold live. [LAist]

Ann Coulter was bleeped for 13 seconds on Tuesday's Morning Joe after calling John McCain a douchebag. Or so we thought! Because in an interview with Joy Behar tonight, Coulter explained that she actually called McCain a "dickweed." Coulter then launched into a rant bemoaning HLN's obsession with "that white trash bimbo" Casey Anthony for good measure. Balance!

Anders Behring Breivik — the man who last July hunted down and killed 69 teenagers on the Norwegian island of Utoya just hours after he set off a car bomb in Oslo that killed eight — has been declared "psychotic" during the attacks by two forensic psychiatrists.

Yesterday, a woman named Ginger White came forward alleging a 13-year extramarital affair with Herman Cain, a charge Cain flatly denied (while warning us of its imminence) in an interview with Wolf Blitzer. After praising him for finally having a consensual sex-related scandal on tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart proceeded to poke hole after hole in Cain's weak and improbable denial.

Poor Brian Williams. His valiant attempts at delivering a report about American Airlines' bankruptcy filing on NBC Nightly News were stymied by a fire alarm that would. Not. End.

"I'm not afraid of death," Woody Allen famously said. "I just don't want to be there when it happens." Of course, that's the one experience we all get to share, and artists of all stripes have offered their commentary on life's impermanence. To wit: Mathieu Lehanneur, whose "Tomorrow Is Another Day" is a weather-station terminal that projects a video image of tomorrow's forecast, allowing the viewer to jump ahead in time.

This looks like a joke, but apparently it's real? London design shop BERG has unveiled its Little Printer, which can print, every morning, a 10-inch receipt strip of capsule news, puzzles and social network summary. Because the newspaper was not yet a sufficiently debased medium.

Marine Sgt. Dakota Meyer is perhaps this country's best-recognized war hero, a man who risked his life over and over again to save his buddies from a Taliban ambush. That's why he's the only living Marine to be awarded the Medal of Honor - the nation's highest award for valor - for his actions in Afghanistan or Iraq. It's undoubtedly one reason why the defense giant BAE Systems hired Meyer after he left the Corps.

Today we learned a thing or two about the big shots on Wall Street and the big shot secrets they tote around with them. For the vast majority of us—some percentage I can't quite put my 99 fingers on—Wall Street is a big ol' bubbling vat of green mysteries. One commenter gives us a pretty good look inside the life of a Dub-Streeter (and you're welcome because that is a label that will certainly catch and spread like wild fire).

The Willis-Moore-Kutcher empire is quickly disintegrating. Granted Ashton Kutcher has little to do with the sprawling 8,403 square feet Idaho home once owned by Demi and Bruce, but he stayed there once or twice. So, I don't know. Bruce always seemed like a "what's mine is yours" kind of guy to me and this is just one more sign of the times, yet another end of an era.

When NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly stopped by Columbia to answer questions for a class taught by former New York Mayor David Dinkins, an Occupy Wall Street sympathizer whipped out a projector and started displaying images of police brutality. Hey, it's more fun than a Powerpoint.

Is there anything worse than mommy bloggers? That is a rhetorical question because if you have two firing synapses, you know the answer to that question. Now one of them is all up in arms about a Manhunt billboard that dared to be on the way to her child's school.

Taking people hostage used to mean something, you know? If you took a guy hostage, it was a big deal. It was a bond for life! These days, though? These days you can't trust your hostages farther than you can throw them, after you've killed them and wrapped their bodies in tarp.