Good news for America's growing ranks of poor people already plagued by heart disease and diabetes: Twinkies, the industrial spooge-tube cakes that will never become stale, will now be sold by discount retailer Big Lots at up to 40% less than grocery store prices.

Weight loss newsletter the New York Post has taken notice of maybe-gay Newark mayor and U.S. Senate contender Cory Booker's recent weight gain gross pudginess, as evidenced by a recently snapped photo of Booker, sans heavy jacket, walking leisurely along a boardwalk near the beach (like a big ol’ fatty):

Kate Middleton: she’s fat! Got a fat face stretched across a marshmallow head, perched atop a neck made of a stack of quarters (if we’re keeping everything to scale) that's connected to a potato body. Why’s she being all fat all the time? According to some random doctor, it's because Kate Middleton is pregnant with a daughter, who is already mean girling her from the inside.

Fat loudmouth prick Chris Christie, the governor of New Jersey, is well on his way to becoming plain old loudmouth prick Chris Christie, after getting lap-band surgery to lose weight and dropping 40 pounds in three months.

Last night, Oprah Winfrey hosted the first installment of Better Know a Psychopath, with special guest Lance Armstrong.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has just released the newest map charting obesity across the United States of Fatlandia. Here's the verdict for 2011:

A report published yesterday in the Public Library of Science's PLoS One journal (clever) suggests that the body mass index (BMI), the formula commonly used to determine whether an individual is of a healthy weight, may be underestimating obesity in almost 40 percent of cases.

You know when you spend a whole Saturday afternoon watching a marathon of America's Next Top Model a highbrow HBO show and you feel like your ass got fatter from sitting on the couch for so long? Guess what. It actually did.

Former Rep. Alan Grayson wrote a blog post for the Daily Kos today. If that sentence isn't sad enough, here's the title: "I Told Newt He Looks Fat." Apparently Grayson once met Newt Gingrich on the floor of the House, and totally zing'ed him, and it was awesome.

A new study that followed more than 10,000 people for 22 years showed that women tend to gain weight in the two years following getting married and men typically gain weight two years after getting divorced. Every couple is doomed!

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, 23 million Americans live in "food deserts," low-income areas without "ready access" to grocery stores. This, however, is not why Americans are so fat, according to a University of North Carolina study of long-term eating habits and summarized in The Week:

According to Ask Men's annual Great Male/Female Surveys, half of all straight men say they would dump a girlfriend who got fat. 20 percent of straight women say they'd dump a boyfriend who got fat.

Fatty foods, new research indicates, have affect your brain in a similar way to marijuana, activating brain chemcials called endocannabinoids that "produce a drug-like feeling." This feeling—like marijuana!—then encourages you to eat more fatty foods, of course.

The results of a new study in the New England Journal of Medicine about weight loss will blow your mind. By analyzing the eating and exercise habits of 120,877 people over many years, doctors have concluded that downing a whole bag of potato chips makes you fat faster than just about anything else, ice cream and soda included.

Orrin nutrition! Vitamin ratings! Blackwell jetski! Olean o-fat! Loyalty benefits! Poison competition! Bulgarian method! Supreme diabetes! And MMA workout secrets of the stars! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—from the sidelines!

A half-billion people on the planet, or 1 in 10, are obese, and despite Beyoncé's best efforts, that number is growing. Many of them will go on to develop obesity-linked illnesses, like heart disease and diabetes. But the dotted line between the two has never been fully understood — until now. Scientists in England have isolated the gene that acts as the body's "master switch."

Never mind what the studies say. Being fat is totally sexy! It's also pretty handy — particularly when it comes to stashing your contraband.

Diet food! Omega-3 death! Hormone gel! Sex health! Big belly! Fat dementia! Deadly tomatoes! Mental soldiers! And outta control asthma! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—no examinations necessary!

An obese man died after being found "fused to his chair" in his Bellaire, Ohio home, where he had sat in a recliner for two years. Police—called by his girlfriend—had remove him through a hole in the wall.

A new study by the British Heart Foundation found that in the year 2000, the average British man was 16.9 pounds heavier than in 1986. The reason? Eating lots of shitty food and getting less exercise. You don't say! [BBC]