Is Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell the type of person who'd write an essay about "the part where his cock was all stagnant in my butt after the mom assault?" The answer may surprise you! Probably not, though. [AnimalNY]

Are you aware that we are currently living through "one of the most amazing and momentous weeks in the life of Arthur Kade in 'The Biz?'" Indeed. First, he got his own t-shirt made. Then he got a free ride!

Fameball 1.0 Julia Allison is allegedly quitting the internet. She may not resurface for days, or even weeks. It's a sobering moment. Let us now look back and remember three and a half years of highlights of Julia's unfiltered life.

Former dating columnist Julia Allison will teach you how to fameball at Learning Annex for $45, way less than Parsons' protocelebrity program. But don't expect financial advice: Amid turnover at her startup, Allison is considering applying to Stanford Business School.

This should end well. Unhappy with her current weight, 42-year-old mother Donna Simpson is determined to hit an even 1,000 pounds. And she's "put herself on the Internet where people can pay to watch her eat." [NYP]

Lindsay Lohan's new (alleged) lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, is of course a crazy fameball who likes to have her picture taken with her horrible clients, like Michael Lohan. Here are some Facebook photos to that effect.

That's Ovadia at right last summer with Gosselin—presumably before she began representing his ex Hailey Glassman over charges that she ransacked Gosselin's apartment—and Michael Lohan's ex-girlfriend Erin Muller.

Philly hero Arthur Kade was at the Black Eyed Peas show and the security guard totally left him hanging. Caught on tape! Kade would never do that to you, bro. That guard must have totally missed the Arthur Kade documentary.

Douche classic Aleksey Vayner is attending the ROFLCON conference at MIT in April. Send pics.

While all you "Gen Poppers" were sleepwalking through your bland lives, Arthur Kade—our favorite thespian, author and vagina ponderer—was making his mainstream television debut!

Mary Rambin, NonSociety alum and Internet fameball, has suffered recently because of the collective realization that people like her—and her give-me-a-reality-show-because-I-blog-about-my-life friends—really just aren't that interesting. It seems Rambin has stepped up her game, though: live tasing, ahead!

In your staggering Tuesday media column: Marcus Brauchli is far richer than a newspaper editor should be (especially considering the new classified ad numbers), the future of Harper's debated, and Julia Allison overcomes media haters (like Richard Lawson).

Perhaps the weirdest attack John McCain made against Barack Obama in 2008 was his brief summer campaign charging that Obama was a celebrity. Because Americans, you know, like celebrities. And this year's Republicans have finally learned that lesson.

Those "Charles & YaVaughnie" billboards around New York belong to the co-president of software company Oracle, Charles Phillips. Did living in the shadow of Oracle's high-profile CEO Larry Ellison leave Phillips hungry for attention?

Ugh, what happened to Luke Renner, the fameballing American expat in Haiti? Pre-Earthquake, he was running a small collection of nonprofits. Now he's gleefully converting tragedy into Twitter fame.

A leaked email from NYU Law's student listserv reveals a fight to book Snooki at a bargain-basement rate of $2000. As the email battle rages, Snooki's price rises. A comparative analysis reveals post-bar-brawl Snooki as the show's fastest-rising moneymaker.

We found it hard to believe those rumors that Sarah Palin would earn $100,000 speaking at the Tea Party Convention. But Politico obtained documents confirming the former vice presidential candidate routinely asks $100,000 per speech, or $75,000 on the West Coast. This is why the right-wing teabaggers must pay $549 each, to hear Sarah Palin rail against politicians who take their hard-earned money away.

As was inevitable: White House gatecrashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi will host Pure Nightclub party next Saturday. Their appearance fee: a slightly pathetic $5000.

Craig Newmark, aka Mr. Craigslist, is lifecasting his deck in San Francisco's Inner Sunset, next to Golden Gate Park. A quote: "That squirrel is going to town... hello squirrel!" Risque!

"'If the Gen Pop doesn't understand how brilliant Arthur Kade is, then "The Year Of The Brand" will be like an explosion of science, sex, and orgasms, that will mold a generation. "Generation K" is upon us.'…Arthur Kade…12/24/09" Awww!