A tipster in Midtown today spotted this moving ad for billionaire heiress/aspiring pop star Emma Lasry's hot new single, "Closet Bitch." We know you can afford a little more for graphic design, Emma. Come on now. Another pic below.

Emma Lasry is the 18 year-old daughter of hedge fund billionaire and Bill Clinton pal Marc Lasry. But that is not all: she is also a closet bitch. Self-described! Click play on Emma Lasry's debut pop tune video at once!

Lindsay Lohan once recorded a song "from daughter to father" saying her deadbeat dad broke her heart. Four years later and with his daughter conveniently in jail, Michael's got a response: a horrifying cringeworthy muzak tribute to "daddy's little girl."

America's favorite babydaddy, Levi Johnson, is scheduled to film an R&B music video next month with singer Brittani Senser. He'll play a man driven from his lover by her meddling mother. Who do you think that's supposed to be?

Remember Lonelygirl15, that fake YouTube vlog filmed in some guy's bedroom, starring an actress pretending to be adorable jailbait? It's now a $5 million web production company. Business Insider explains how this happened.

In this horrifying video, one of the Real Housewives of New York (the pale one) talks openly with Philadelphia fameball and aspiring vaginamonger Arthur Kade—at one point allowing Kade to directly address her young child. Shocking, indeed.

The story of Gary Faulkner—a construction worker from Colorado who was arrested in Pakistan carrying a sword, hunting Osama bin Laden—was funny for a few days. Now he says bin Laden is hunting him. Please shut up, Gary.

Tareq and Michaela Salahi will not be ignored. America's most famous uninvited guests are writing a book with pedophile-nabbing reporter Diane Dimond. It will feature "behind-the-scenes" details from the time they caused a national disaster by social-climbing too hard. [P6]

Jill Johnson is UC Davis' hipster grifter. (Instead of hip, though, she's a beauty queen.) Local blogs hunted down the "prolific and notorious scammer" with "heavy, tear-smeared makeup." The internet used to be for porn. Now it's for outing grifters.

Jennifer Wilbanks—who in 2005 ditched her wedding, blamed an imaginary Hispanic rapist for her cold feet, and unsuccessfully tried to sue her ex for talking about her—is unemployed and knee-deep in credit card debt.

Laurence Sunderland, the father of teenage sailor Abby Sunderland, who almost got lost at sea trying to sail around the world by herself, had a reality show in production the whole time. Is it called Balloon Boy: The Sequel? [AP

Illinois' alleged horrible criminal ex-governor, Rod Blagojevich, is very excited for the start of his corruption trial, which he's been promoting on television and radio since forever. Is he actually going to tweet nonsense throughout the trial? What a muppet.

Right-wing YouTube provocateur James O'Keefe has a follow-up to his pimp-costumed ACORN opus: He got a job as a Census taker and purposefully filled out his timecard incorrectly. He gets to go on Good Morning America for this?

"So impressed with 5W PR!!! It's refreshing to meet business people who exceed your expectations."—Julia Allison. Wow. The Protofameball and the World's Worst Flack, together at last. I guess our work here is done?

This week, Khloe and Kim Kardashian repeat a cover and weight loss interview almost verbatim for Life & Style magazine. Last month, Kourtney Kardashian did three weight loss-themed Life & Style bikini covers in a row. What gives?

Philly fameball Arthur Kade is the self-proclaimed "White Oprah With Balls." Give him some props for that. And for the graphic you see here, which he made himself. Okay. So, how does White Oprah With Balls rate Lost's finale?

"Does hair get stuck in your teeth when you go down on guys?" Jesse James mistress Bombshell McGee asked this of Philly vagina critic Arthur Kade, live on video, just last week. Do you forgive her now, Sandra Bullock? [ArthurKade.com]

Big Ben rises again. Ben Mills, the ex-junkie Williamsburgian who made waves with photographs of a heroin-fueled Scientology sex party with scenester socialite Peaches Geldof, finally gave an interview. He admires perv photographer Terry Richardson and likes "wasted" sex.

It's been a rough week for Gray Powell, the Apple engineer who left his iPhone prototype in an ersatz German beer garden only to see it turn up on Gizmodo. So Lufthansa's offering to fly Powell to real Germany, gratis.

Given Peaches' history with nude scandals and Eli's with disembodied butt pics, it'd be funny if she were. We keep trying to ignore Peaches Geldof, but she won't stop posing with people's private parts, requiring NSFW ass analysis.