Last week, Salon's Rebecca Traister worried that "The Golden Age of Celebrity Gossip" was "grinding to an end" because of "evil geniuses" like Us Weekly editor-in-chief Janice Min. Min did, after all, put The Hills star Lauren Conrad on the cover of her mag. But the Little Girls of America have a message for the Min doubters: "J-Min is right, and you are old, so shut your old face before I shut it for you." I just went to the corner newsstand to buy cigarettes and while I was waiting forever for this one Nigerian dude to buy a stack of phone cards, two Russian girls who looked to be about eight or nine years old showed up.

After digging through the refrigerator for sodas, one of the girls pointed to a shiny copy of Us in the rack with Lauren Conrad's silly face staring vaguely at nothing and said, "I really want to buy that but I don't have enough money." Case closed, suckas!