Rep. Anthony Weiner — the one with the penis — finally got around to turning in his resignation letter today, but he'll still be a congressman until midnight.

Spittling conspiracy theorist potato Glenn Beck will perform his last Fox News gonzo rainmaker act on Thursday, June 30th. Well, that's at least the supposed end date for his current show.

Accused attempted rapist Dominique Strauss-Kahn has stepped down as head of the International Monetary Fund, writing in his resignation letter, "I deny with the greatest possible firmness all of the allegations that have been made against me." [WSJ]

Television character Donald Trump, as expected, has ended his fake consideration of the presidency just as his program the Celebrity Apprentice is winding down for the spring — and getting renewed for another season, as it was this morning.

This summer, as the remaining U.S. troops are pulled out of Iraq, we'll be taking some cultural icons with us: Burger King, Pizza Hut, Subway and Cinnabon are leaving the country, too. That's right — not only will Iraqis be missing the sight of heavily armed foreign troops and the comforting buzz of Predator drones, but they'll no longer catch a whiff of an oven fresh Meat Lover's® pizza wafting over the concrete blast walls of their local Forward Operating Base. All of the restaurants are scheduled to be pulled out by year's end.

Arch corporate lobbyist, Republican fundraiser, and Governor of Mississippi Haley Barbour has decided not to run for president. He doesn't have that "absolute fire in the belly," he says in a statement. We're glad to hear that he doesn't have the farts, but saddened that he won't run for president. Oh well. Let's blame the wife!

Fashion designer John Galliano was fired as Dior's head designer last month after his anti-Semitic rants surfaced. But today Dior, which owns 91% of the John Galliano line, fired him from that company, too. Just when we thought people were starting to forgive!

The French rolled up in more than 30 armored cars to the compound of Ivory Coast 'strongman' Laurent Gbagbo today and finally arrested him. All hail the French! The civil war sparked by Gbagbo's refusal to step down following his election loss last November is hopefully reaching its conclusion. This will come as terrible news to several prominent evangelical Christians back here in America.

The grand experiment is finally over. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has dropped his unqualified and unpopular schools chancellor Cathie Black after only a few months on the job. Her replacement will be Dennis Walcott, a current deputy mayor.

Glenn Beck announced his departure from Fox News on his show tonight. As it turns out, he is the Paul Revere of the 21st century, and this show was his "midnight ride." And now he is going back to silversmithing? Apparently? Also, there is something called "E4." Goodbye, Glenn! We'll miss you, and your bizarre attempts at gravity.

Is Matt Lauer quitting Today, too? A day after TV Guide reported that his co-host Meredith Vieira plans on leaving at the end of her contract, Entertainment Tonight reports the same thing about Lauer. It must be Roker's fault, right?

Few managers enjoy firing people, but at efficiency-obsessed AOL, layoff skills are apparently considered crucial: The internet conglomerate just dismissed a top editor for firing writers and then telling them they could write for free.

Emotionally unstable television host Glenn Beck is pulling a Palin and quitting his Fox News Channel show later this year, according to a cryptic and confusing press release published on his web site, The Blaze. (The site is down right now, apparently from all the "Beck is quitting" traffic, but the Google cache is still there.)

According to TV Guide, Today co-host Meredith Vieira will leave the show when her contract expires later this year. She's apparently "weary of the demanding early morning hours," which we assume is code for "sick of Matt Lauer." [TV Guide]

Yemeni President Ali Abdullah Saleh, a critical U.S. ally who's been abandoned by several generals, is supposedly nearing a deal to resign "within days in favor of a civilian-led transitional government."

Nevada Sen. John Ensign is expected to announce his retirement today, sparing himself a hellish Republican primary. His legacy includes banging his chief of staff's wife and then borrowing $96,000 in hush money from his elderly parents.

The story in Egypt has taken another hairpin turn—but for the better this time. The protesters have finally kicked out their old man, (ex-)President Hosni Mubarak. He's stepped down and retreated to his estate at Sharm el-Sheik, on the southern tip of the Sinai Peninsula.

Democratic Virginia Sen. Jim Webb announced today that he wouldn't seek reelection in 2012, after only one term. That means we, the public, won't get an exciting rematch between him and ex-Sen. George "Macaca" Allen after all.

The Democratic Leadership Council has been a bogeyman to liberals for decades, symbolizing the party's corporate sellout with its philosophy of spreading public welfare through market-based solutions. It was the organization that then-Arkansas Gov. Bill Clinton chaired in the '80s; when he became president, he adhered to its policy goals: welfare reform, balanced budgets, free trade. The DLC would go on to support the invasion of Iraq in 2003, for some reason.

Keith Olbermann's career at MSNBC is over. The network announced this evening that it terminated its contract with Olbermann effective immediately, and the Countdown host shared the news in typically dramatic fashion on his show tonight. Olbermann's final words below.