Sound the trumpets! Please welcome HM Queen Elizabeth to Facebook. The Queen of England will launch an official Facebook page tomorrow. There's a joke about poking the Queen here, but we'd rather not end up in the Tower of London.

Carey Mulligan is moving back to England, far away from her Wall Street 2 co-star and boyfriend, Shia LaBeouf. Americans can look forward to lots of Shia LaBeouf drunken antics, since Mulligan made him cut back. (via Daily Intel)

Police in Manchester, England decided to live-tweet every incident they responded to in a 24-hour period using a special Twitter account. Guess what? Cops' jobs are pretty dull!

Last weekend, a Daily Mail photog snapped a picture of Tiger Woods chipping a ball at him—but all anybody wanted to talk about was a member of the crowd, now dubbed "Cigar Guy." Today, his identity was revealed.

Holy moly is this amazing: check out The Cube, a new, state-of-the-art car park in Birmingham, UK, that takes any possible human error out of the equation to ensure that your vehicle gets placed—and retrieved—with ease. Video inside.

Meet Chloe Victoria. She's a 19-year-old prostitute who has been arrested 140 times. She has a two-year-old daughter and is a star of British reality show The X Factor. Her stated goals: "Get famous" and "$$$$$$$$$."

Here's a trailer for The King's Speech, the British prestige drama that recently won the Toronto Film Festival and is about... a king with a stutter. That's it. But, you know, it's set against the backdrop of WWII and stuff.

Here's a funny stunt: To show how slow Internet speeds are in the rural parts of the UK, a guy raced carrier pigeons carrying memory cards against a YouTube upload. The carrier pigeons were faster!

Pope Benedict XVI is having trouble giving away tickets to the events he's presiding over during his visit to Britain. Even though he has a special rap track for the occasion!

17-year-old Luke Angel, of Bedfordshire, told Britain's Sky News that he has a lifetime ban from America for sending an email to President Obama calling him a pussy and other "abusive and threatening language", after seeing a documentary about 9/11.

A new study in the British Journal of Psychology found that only 23% of Britons have no 'personality pathology'. Strange is the new normal, or something. While this would explain England's colonialism and obsession with darts, it seems pretty fishy.

Oy. There really isn't a good way to describe how painful these six minutes are—really. Here are soon-to-be-non-BFFs Abby and Lisa performing "That's My Goal" on this week's X Factor. Oh, also: screaming, swearing, sneering, snarking, and punching!

Stephen Hawking's new book, The Grand Design, is a nuanced analysis of the intertwining of metaphysics and physics through the ages. But all anyone wants to talk about is that the book says God wasn't needed to create the Universe.

England is merrier than usual today, as ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair's memoir finally hits bookstores! So, is he sorry about Iraq? Did he ever "like-like" the Queen? Many questions remain. Blair makes one thing clear, though: He loved getting drunk.

Last week, British spy Gareth Williams was reportedly found in his apartment, stabbed to death and stuffed in a gym bag. Well, turns out he wasn't stabbed to death; his death was much more mysterious and movie-like.

[A costumed reveller performs in the Notting Hill Carnival in London, the largest festival of its kind in Europe. Pic via AP.]

The British Museum has been evacuated because of people complaining of "eye and throat irritation"

An orgy organizer (orgynizer?) in a small town northwest of London was recently attacked with a Zippo by her angry ex while hosting an orgy for black guys and the (white?) women who love them. Only in America England! (via)

This week, the Internet was transfixed by the Evil British Cat Bin Woman, Mary Bale, who was caught on tape throwing a neighbor's cat into a trash can. Guess who tracked her down? The web marauders of 4chan's /b/ board.

Thanks to video of an English woman throwing a cat in a garbage can going viral, local police have since identified the perpetrator. Although she hasn't "committed a criminal offence," she'll be questioned by the RSPCA, the U.K.'s kitty police.