A Chicago woman called 911 and told the police her boyfriend was attacking her in an attempt "to scare him and have the police force him to marry her." Surprisingly, it didn't work, and now she's facing criminal charges.

Floridian Lawrence Gauthier, who's called 911 16 times since November to "request business cards," called the emergency hotline on Sunday and "told the dispatcher he wanted the media arrested." Which is totally frivolous! But, yes, please, arrest those bastards. [via]

"The Block," the Baltimore neighborhood known for its "strip clubs with gaudy lights," was hit by a five-alarm fire around 4 p.m. It's under control now (just two alarms), and luckily no injuries were reported. But it looked gnarly!

Nuclear power plants in Vermont and New York were shut down in unrelated incidents—but there's "no threat to public health."

A 10-year-old in Illinois, land of promise, recently called 911 emergency response to complain about the dinner his dad served. Guys, let's go over this. If it's not bleeding or on fire or trying to kill you, don't call 911.

Click to viewKatherine O'Connor was having an asthma attack while walking home in New Jersey with her boyfriend. Luckily, there was a CVS right there. But she only had $20, and the inhaler cost $21. And CVS wouldn't give it to her.

The diminutive Diff'rent Strokes actor was rushed to the hospital yesterday afternoon and taken to a surgical ICU. Some reports are suggesting that he took a fall and suffered a head injury. Which is never good.

A Radio Shack on Sixth Avenue and 19th St. in Manhattan has been totally destroyed after a manhole explosion at about 11:30 reportedly "sparked a transformer fire." Looks seriously apocalyptic. Daily Intel got this amazing photo; aftermath photos below.

Alec Baldwin was "rushed to the hospital" early this morning after his daughter called 911. He "may have swallowed some sleeping pills," according to the NYP. Update: Baldwin's publicist Matthew Hiltzik says he's fine and working. BUT:

New York City subway riders are uniformly befuddled by the emergency brake! Why aren't there detailed instructions? "If it just says ‘emergency,' you're going to pull it for any reason." Does it make the train go faster? [NYT]

Yesterday there was little news available from Haiti, so optimism remained. But as more info about yesterday's earthquake comes out, it looks grim. The prime minister says hundreds of thousands may be dead. The government has almost ceased to function.

Cops have closed part of Times Square because a raggedy, tarp-obscured white van has been parked there two days, suspiciously. Well. If you had a parking spot in Times Square you wouldn't move, either. [CBS] UPDATE: Prestigious evacuations!

Woman Calls Cops Over Kid's Video Game-Playing. Cops Respond: "Chill Out"

A tipster emailed the Vanity Fair customer service department this week because his magazine stopped being delivered. He received an alarming response!

Princeton was on lock down because somebody saw somebody walking around with a gun! But now the "all clear" has gone out. It was just drunk dumpster-diving townies threatening the Ivy Leaguers with a squirt gun, as usual:

Nickelodeon has finally read the internet. A week too late. They sent an urgent memo out today, recognizing their dumb mistake in keeping girlfriend-beater Chris Brown among the nominees for their Kids' Choice Awards.

A shaken world held its breath today as news surfaced that Winona Ryder was whisked to a London hospital after "falling ill" on a flight from LA. Nothing to see here, her publicist said this afternoon — unless you count the British Airways crew requesting a priority landing at Heathrow when an unnamed female passenger "required medical attention." That's our Winona!Ryder rep Nancy Buxbaum later explained that the actress was admitted only as a "precautionary measure," assuring the AP that there was no emergency and that Ryder was discharged in short order. The airline wasn't much more help, issuing only a statement that its crew radioed ahead to land as soon as possible to get the sick Oscar-nominee to a doctor:

(Update: Stevie Wonder Cross another address off your Star Maps: Stevie Wonder is the second celeb in eight days to lose his home to fire, reportedly suffering a total loss earlier this week when the ongoing Sesnon blaze claimed his Porter Ranch-area manse. Wonder's house was one of 49 destroyed in the flames, which has burned 18,000 acres in the Valley since a downed power line sparked the wildfire on Monday. And as stunned as we were to hear the cost of Nick Nolte's own infernal tragedy last week, Page Six notes that the R&B icon lost way, way more than a cardboard cutout of Jesus. (UPDATE: The Wonder house survived! More after the jump.)

The smoke has cleared over Zuma Beach, where Nick Nolte's residence succumbed yesterday to a devastating fire that caused nearly $3 million in damage. And as much as we appreciate your helpful tips as to how that blaze began, officials have since confirmed that it all started with a faulty printer in Nolte's office. The dominos toppled from there, sending the Oscar-nominated actor out a window suffering from a cut on his hand, smoke in his lungs and a painstakingly built enclave burned to the ground. At which point we turn the story over one of Nolte's former profilers at Premiere, whose encomium today reminds Malibu — and all of us, really — the true scope of the catastrophe that transpired:

Nick Nolte is recovering this afternoon following a blaze that officials say completely destroyed his Malibu home, causing an estimated $1.5 million in damage. Nolte reportedly cut his hand while fleeing the fire through a window, and — Wait! This just in: His rep issued a statement to Extra claiming there was in fact no structural damage, and neither Nolte nor anyone else at the house was injured. Whom to believe? One thing the dueling parties appear to agree on is the fire's source, an electrical mishap in Nolte's living room. Details beyond that are evolving as we write this; now the AP reports the home was burned to the ground, with damage totaling $3.5 million. But he's OK! Developing...