Teachers: they're just like us! When they want to get out of a test, they just pretend they fell down the stairs, then take four days off. And it all would have worked if it weren't for that cursed camera.

These modern students: Can they do anything right? Whether falling behind their grade school classmates, graduating from high school without being able to count out change, or cheating on all their college tests, they're turning out to be major disappointments.

Education: what is it for? Education exists to get you a job, and to give educators a job. Money is the root of education. So grade inflation, rich-kid perks, and dumbing down of grad schools are justified. For money!

"Math," one of the subjects Americans do not learn in high school, tells us that the value of a college degree is now negative. Nevertheless, kids are now rushing to pay more to attend colleges. Fake colleges.

Poor, idealistic members of the Blue Man Group. All they wanted to do was build a magical school where preschool kids could smear shaving cream on plastic rainforests under black lights. Who knew they'd have to charge $30k?

A national panel of experts has recommended that the US should adopt uniform education standards for all public schools nationwide, rather than leaving it to the states to set the standards. Why, are the states doing something wrong?

Rejoice, Americans in favor of education: business school grads are having an easier time finding investment banking jobs now. USA education reform= done! The other half of this plan is that regular (non-business) school kids now have 20% less school.

A new survey shows that more Americans than ever believe colleges care about money far more than they care about giving students a quality education. In other news, eight US states are now planning to send kids straight to college after 10th grade. College: out of reach, but worthless.

531 Harvard employees took early retirement buyouts from the school. The Harvard Business School employees accepted at the highest rate. Meanwhile, an HBS professor was arrested for beating a dude with hot coffeee and the thermos it was in. [Harvard Crimson]

A former Starbucks employee named Mary-Elise Smilek says she was fired after four years with the company, just because she couldn't attend last month's mandatory 3-hour retraining session/ PR stunt. She had a midterm to study for. Harsh! Now she's the subject of much debate among the bored employees and company drones at the Starbucks Gossip blog. Some say she's a hoax; some say she's a victim; and the most hardcore corporate robots say: she got what she deserved for not completely dedicating her life to the Starbucks cause!