Who of us hasn't, at one time or other in our wild and misspent youths, let one rip, mightily and strong, for the comic benefit of our peers? It's practically a rite of passage! Well, two such mischievous scamps, seventh graders from Ohio, have been suspended by their school for doing just that. Farting on their school bus.

A high school class in Louisville, Ky. just went on the best field trip, ever! If you like finding bodies. Because that's what they did! They found a body, face-down "by a creek behind the school in a wooded area."

Though our nation's education system may be poor in money, and in smarts, we are blessed with a vibrant crop of overqualified, idealistic young people who are willing to take on tough, low-paid teaching jobs in order to make a difference in the world. Let's fire them all.

The fucksaw scandal that rocked Northwestern University to its very foundations, in which a psychology professor innocently hosted a demonstration of a motorized sex toy on a woman in front of 100 gape-jawed students, has reached its sad yet inevitable conclusion: Professor Michael Bailey's human sexuality class will no longer be offered at the school.

Maybe the "don't try to force students to sell drugs for you" page had been torn out of Anthony Davis' "How to Be a Successful Student Aide" handbook, because that's what he allegedly went ahead and did.

Law school is a huge ripoff—a catch-all haven for slackers and the existentially aimless, where you'll go into a huge amount of debt in order to surround yourself with beer pong-players and cute little dogs, and emerge unemployable, with nothing to do with your worthless new skills except sue to try to get your law school tuition back. Now, we can add to that list: they'll bait-and-switch your ass out of scholarship money, on purpose!

After last year's deeply embarrassing Shirley Sherrod episode, you'd think people would have learned their lesson about conservative publisher Andrew Breitbart. But no! The University of Missouri has asked a professor to resign thanks to another stupid Breitbart video. Ugh.

Yesterday, we brought you the unusual story of Harlan Porter, a teacher arrested for wandering naked around the halls of the Georgia school that had recently fired him, speaking of a "new level of enlightenment" and an open "third eye." It turns out that wasn't Porter's first raw, public exploration of matters metaphysical, as we've discovered these outtakes from his one-man show, The Evolution of U.

You know that common recurring nightmare where you're wandering around your elementary school after hours, and you stumble into your teacher, and he's completely naked and wanting to talk to you about enlightenment? No? Maybe it's just me. Anyway — that scenario has played itself out in real life. What does it all mean?

If you have no fixed address, and are unsure about where to send your kids to school, do not send them to Brookside Elementary in Norwalk, Conn., where a mother was just charged with larceny for illegally enrolling her son.

To hear some on the political right talk about it, "homosexual indoctrination" is already a problem in public schools — and it's about to get much, much worse.

We've previously established the fact that private school consultants are the worst. The question now becomes: Are they still the worst? The very latest reports indicate: yes. They are still the worst.

A Tennessee kindergarten teacher punished a student for being messy by telling his classmates to encircle him, "call him a pig and make pig noises." Don't worry—she was suspended for a day!

Chocolate milk! Going inside of your child's body, and doing who knows what to Aedynn's delicate little organs! In our nation's capital, the number one education is this: How chocolatey is too chocolatey?

Hey, underemployed recent college graduates struggling in the worst job market in a generation: do you have a trillion dollars? I really hope you have a trillion dollars. Because you owe a trillion dollars, in student loans.

The grand experiment is finally over. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has dropped his unqualified and unpopular schools chancellor Cathie Black after only a few months on the job. Her replacement will be Dennis Walcott, a current deputy mayor.

American corporations have made untold millions by shipping all their call centers and tech support jobs out to India, where you can get nice, educated workers at a fraction of the cost. Or can you?

Did you know that in 20 hick states of our great union, it's still cool and A-OK for school officials to take your child into the dreaded "office" and administer stern thwacks to their bottom with some sort of wooden beating-stick, in order to teach them the difference between right and wrong (for example, violence is "wrong")? Yes, well. It is so. Might this be stupid?

Not to be immodest, but our research (reading the newspaper) indicated long ago that going to law school was a sucker move, for suckers. Why go to law school? All it is is racist beer pong and racist emails, and when you graduate your worthless degree won't get you a job, and you get all bitter and eventually find yourself in the comments of a Gawker post about law schools, telling me to fuck off for making fun of lawyers, because do I even appreciate what all the lawyers in history have done for the advancement of human freedom while I just sit around making jokes about something I don't even understand, asshole?

America is full of dumb people. We all need education, and lots of it. The problem is, getting involved in education in America in any capacity is a one-way ticket to poverty. Must we always remain dumb, forever?