A 4.0 magnitude quake hit Maine tonight at about 7:00. Maine families were just welcoming home their fishermen dads when a quake erupted about 3 miles west of Hollis Center, Maine. Some Bostoners doling out bread bowls at Faneuil Hall might have been shaken and could've spilled spilled some soup on their counters. Some kid probably said that his bed moving back and forth was "wicked awesome," and other smaller kids were probably "wicked scared."

An earthquake registering 7.9 on the Richter scale struck outside of Acapulco, Mexico, and was felt throughout nearby Mexico City. The epicenter is also not far from Oaxaca, where Malia Obama is allegedly spring breaking.

2011 was a great year for instafame. With cameras and Twitter users providing blanket coverage of each big news story, the whole world became a potential micro-celebrity. Let's take some time to remember 2011's best flash-in-the-pan celebrities, and then forget about them, forever.

The body count from the 7.2 magnitude earthquake that shook eastern Turkey on Sunday is up to 138 and is expected to rise, Al Jazeera is reporting. Many survivors are still trapped beneath the rubble of hundreds of collapsed buildings in the cities of Ercis and Van.

A "strong quake" (possibly measuring 4.2 on the Richter scale) has been reported in the Indian capital city of New Delhi. This news comes on the same day as a terrorist bombing in the city killed eleven people. [Reuters]

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo says he's received reports that a 2.9 magnitude earthquake struck today "just west-southwest" of Altamont, up near Albany. Goodness, what will befall us next? Locusts, probably. And volcanoes. Then a collapse into the ocean.

"Ladies and gentlemen," 700 Club televangelist Pat Robertson tells us before delivering the clip we've all been expecting for several days. "I don't want to get weird on this so please take it for what it's worth." Dude, you use disclaimers now to preface your latest comical religious explanations for natural disasters, in the case the Great D.C. Earthquake? Please show some spine to support all that bullshit, Pat.

The Great East Coast Rumbler of 2011 has, for the most part, produced a lot of bad news. Not terrible news, mind you — just mildly inconvenient, bummer-type news. Cracked monuments. Missed golf putts. Random stabbings. Belching orangutans. That kind of thing. But what's this? Not just a story of earthquake uplift — but a full-fledged miracle. The earthquake gave a deaf man his hearing back!

23-year-old Christian Falero is accused of going on a stabbing spree in Washington Heights yesterday, stabbing four people at random yesterday. A witness says the earthquake made him do it. (Oh, also, he's crazy.)

Post-earthquake reports that the Washington Monument was tilting like a bridesmaid after four champagne cocktails turned out to be false. However, contrary to the Park Service's initial reassurances, our national phallus didn't escape unharmed: It's cracked.

Proud residents of the 46th Worst State in America, California, got a little full of themselves yesterday after the devastating East Coast earthquake and the reactions that followed. Well, a train car carrying 29,000 gallons of propane burst into flames yesterday in Lincoln and now some 4,800 homes have been evacuated. Overreact much? Jeez.

Before Californians started mocking people on the East Coast for having the nerve to react to the earthquake that struck near DC on Tuesday, people on the East Coast actually were reacting to it. But what were they saying? On tonight's Late Show, David Letterman gave us his Top 10 guesses.

Just hours after a 5.9 magnitude quake hit Washington D.C., San Francisco weather traffic guy Sal Castaneda tweeted, "Hey east coasters: welcome to our world and what we live with everyday in California. Stay Safe." Hey, Californians: Shut up and let us wallow in our abject terror.

Finally, someone figured out why God sent an earthquake to the East Coast: To punish Barack Obama for vacationing. As it happens, the leader of the free world was golfing in Martha's Vineyard when the tremors struck:

Remember when an Iranian cleric said earthquakes were God's punishment for scantily-clad women, and then a bunch of scantily-clad women organized a naked protest to disprove the cleric, but then an earthquake actually occurred at the moment they bared their breasts? Well, there is a chance that today's East Coast earthquake was a boobquake, too, because it's National Go Topless Day, and there are all kinds of naked boobs in Central Park right now.

In your shaky Tuesday media column: Carlos Slim loves the NYT again, ASNE downsizes, Al Sharpton's on TV to stay, the Fairness Doctrine is dead, and obligatory earthquake mention!

According to Fox News, the Washington Monument may be tilting as a result of the 5.9 earthquake that just hit the area. Really?

Holy potatoes that was some kinda Washington Earthquake of 2011 that we just had! Everyone has fallen into the Potomac River. But not before everyone got to make a bad joke on Twitter relating to current national politics! Because it's in DC, know? You can tell it's a "bad" political earthquake joke if it's a political earthquake joke in general. Here's a poorly culled selection.

Woah! There was just an earthquake! The ground swayed for maybe 10-15 seconds here in New York. The US Geological Survey is reporting a 5.8 magnitude quake hit Mineral, Virginia. Our D.C correspondent Jim Newell says the quake was much stronger down there, shaking his house and rattling things but not knocking anything down. Updates below.

It's now time for a story that restores your faith in mankind, even if it means going all the way to Japan to find it: In the five months since that country's devastating quake and tsunami, almost $78 million in cash has been found amongst the wreckage and turned in.