Upon finding a drunken stranger in our beds, most of us would ask him to get out of the house. Maybe yell, maybe call the police. But that’s not what this perfect gentleman did.

A man in Houston, Texas is accused of picking up a Chihuahua and throwing her at the outside glass window of a Starbucks in response to the fact that he had been banned from the store three months prior. Witnesses say the man was intoxicated.

Drunk people are good at lots of things. They are good at ordering drinks. They are good at cajoling other drunk people into dares. They are good at chasing adventure. They are good at combining all three of these talents to work in frenetic, exciting concert. They are less good at piloting helicopters.

Last week we asked you to come up with gifts for the type of person who might decide to drink whiskey out of the bottle in lieu of cooking dinner. From delicious mixers to hangover cures, here's the best of what you drunk people came up with:

A new IHOP pancake depot is soon to open in Manhattan's East Village, the downtown epicenter of NYU kids and other tight-jeaned menaces. Management is expecting such a deluge of late-night customers streaming in from the bar-heavy neighborhood that they've hired security.

It's such a hassle to go to the drug store and search all the aisles for beer, ping-pong balls, and condoms so that you can get wasted, play beer pong, and then have a regretful, half-flaccid hookup with some poor someone. Now one drug store is putting them all together for your convenience.

There is nothing funnier than watching people fall down. Here's a woman who falls down again and again while trying to get out of the ocean. Add the pummeling of the waves, and you have a comedy classic. Yes, I hate myself a little bit for laughing so much at a poor woman who is either drunk, ill, or so uncoordinated that she mustn't leave the house very often. But you have to admit it's funny. And, yes, you will watch the whole three minutes. How could you not? You can't cut out early or you might miss another fall—and another laugh.

An 18-year-old Washington woman was sentenced to 15 months in prison after drunkenly stabbing someone who made fun of her stinky feet. First the Connecticut fart stabber, now this? Warning: taunting drunk people about their stench might lead to stabbing.

Wausau, Wisconsin police arrested a 40 year-old man who "plunged into the Wisconsin River while chasing a one-legged goose." He told police he "wanted to catch the bird and roast it." He'd reportedly "been drinking heavily before the stunt." [Pic]

Drunk people do stupid things. And they're so creative with their stupidity! Like in this video, which shows a bunch of drunk girls riding in a shopping cart/faceplanting on the street. The best part? The narrator's quote at the end.

Man drifts a mile off Florida on pool float. Authorities: "the man was very drunk."