America's scientists—the best goddamn scientists in the world—have invented a miraculous new drug that, when snorted, cures sleepiness in monkeys. "Americans already recognize that sleepiness is a problem and have long treated it with a variety of stimulants." So what's one more! Unfortunately, the new miracle drug will not act as blogging-enhancer: "It reduces sleepiness without causing edginess." [Wired via Drudge]
Purdue Pharma had a bit of a problem. They spent millions marketing their awesome new painkiller OxyContin as totally non-addictive, despite the fact that they knew it was very addictive. Then a bunch of poor Appalachian people started dying! And the DEA was beginning an investigation! As was a federal prosecutor! And also their own factory workers were stealing batches of the drug to sell on the black market! So, naturally, Purdue called Rudy Giuliani.
Heard of OC-80? It's the Valley's next big drug, the strongest dose available of OxyContin — the same pain pills that got Rush Limbaugh hooked. A Valleywag informant who's a recovering OC-80 user himself says addicts are easy to spot: They're the ones who keep rushing to the front desk, asking if the FedEx deliveries have arrived yet. That's because the pills which get here are most frequently overnighted from L.A., where doctors are more willing to skirt the law and write prescriptions. It's expensive, and therefore deemed classy: People pay $70 a pill retail, $40 in bulk. Not that you're going to look especially swank while you scrape off the green coating, crush it, and snort it. Here's our tipster's tale of the real OC.
The last week or so has seen New York Senator Hillary Clinton slip from "inevitable" to "favored" in her race for the Democratic presidential nomination. So, naturally, her terrifying campaign staff is becoming even more vicious and entertaining. Expect the Drudge-baiting trash talk by subordinates to increase at a rate more or less proportionate with the happy talk Iowa appearances and media availabilities from her husband, "Slick Willie." On Monday, Bill reminded everyone of how awesome the '90s were, and promised that a second Clinton presidency would mean the return of prosperity and Sugar Ray. Meanwhile, New Hampshire Clinton campaign co-chair Billy Shaheen called Obama a coke-head. But in a "I didn't actually call him a coke-head" way!
Brooklynites! Arrested for possession on October 20, 2006? You're in luck! Someone stole all the evidence. All the drugs from every narcotics arrest in the entire borough that day—43 arrests!—are gone without a trace. The cops have been investigating the disappearance for a year now, but they have no leads. Some corrupt cop had a very happy Halloween. [NYT]
The Post reports that a woman was recently arrested at the Duane Reade on 94th and Third for stealing pain medication. Addiction is indeed an albatross; you have to be pretty hard up to commit yourself to finding a goddamn thing in a Duane Reade. We're thinking that perhaps the Post had some extra space to fill last night, seeing as how the lady was arrested for stealing fucking Aleve. Woman's got a headache, people! Ahh, but wait... 94th and Third does fall within the boundaries of the Upper East Side (despite looking a hell of a lot like Murray Hill) and Aleve is used to relieve aches and pains. How about: NABBED: POSH PAIN PILL PICKPOCKET. [NYP Police Blotter]
Regret The Error has posted its annual year-end best media errors and corrections list, and our favorite is this one, from Slate: "In the May 25 'Explainer,' Michelle Tsai asserted that an eight ball is about 10 lines of cocaine. While the size of a line depends on personal preference, most users would divide an eight ball into more than 25 lines."
"The Coast Guard has reeled in a record 355,000 pounds of cocaine over the past year... the street value of the drugs seized or removed last year by the Coast Guard equals roughly half the agency's total annual budget, said Commandant Adm. Thad Allen." Which explains why the fine commandant will be selling back the 50 kilos hidden on various parts of his person to some Columbian friends of his later today. Still, it's pretty impressive, given that the Coast Guard basically has no working boats and an inability to purchase working communications systems. [CNN]
Starbucks has just chosen a methy memoir as the next title in its book program, signing on to sell David Sheff's 'Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Meth Addiction' in more than 6,500 of its stores come February. Now, there are probably a ton of reasons why Starbucks makes its choices, but William Morris agent Bill Clegg has something to do with the process, a factoid that has some publishing types snickering. Well, come on, that's silly! You don't have to have been an addict to like addiction memoirs!
Next time you need a little quick cash to incentivize the lightly-scrupled internist who provides your medically unnecessary Adderall prescription, think twice before heading down to your local sperm bank. You may be reduced to chewing coffee beans to get through your day when the kid you didn't know you fathered forces you to pay his college tuition. [WNBC]
In this weekend's Page Six magazine, we met "Andy," a 30-year-old financial manager who occasionally supplements his Propecia, Ambien, Viagra, and Effexor regimen with a Valium or three when a day is "rougher than usual" and the occasional Oxy to improve his beer buzz. We also encountered Kenny, a 27-year-old graphic designer who loves Concerta, Wellbutrin, Klonopin and grapefruit seed extract, and, most sadly, Sylvia, a 31-year-old lawyer who gets through her days with Prozac, Klonopin and Adderall: "I have a big fear of addiction with [Klonopin], but today was a bad depression day so I took it at work." Holy shit, this makes it seen like people take a ton of prescription drugs! Feeling undermedicated, we immediately started asking everyone we know whether they were on something.
Today in Britney's Urine: According to celebrity drug-test verification concern Thirty Mile Zone Urinanalyis Solutions Ltd., the narcolepsy medication Provigil did not trigger a reported positive result by the embattled pop-star, though it may have contributed to Spears unexpectedly taking a five-hour nap in the middle of a sales pitch for a new Mercedes she recently attempted to purchase at a Beverly Hills showroom. [TMZ]
Today's Page Six asks: "WHICH designer who's gone 'round and 'round the revolving rehab door gets his fix from a model—who's been in rehab herself, though for a different problem?" Um, we spent like an hour working on a poll for this but all the answers had poor Marc Jacobs in them so we didn't bother? (Despite this AP photo from the other night, and despite the coverline of this 2002 issue of Women's Day ("Tragic Linda Evangelista In Rehab"), we're pretty sure the god-like Linda Evangelista never actually did.) So?
Three Bard students—two freshmen and a sophomore!—were arrested when police found them in possession of "nearly 1 pound of marijuana, half a kilogram of a partially refined but yet-unidentified hallucinogenic drug, hashish, hashish oil and a portable drug-processing lab similar to the kind used to manufacture methamphetamines" just two months into the school year. "If there's any message that comes through from this ... [it's] that we are here to provide an education and a safe and healthy atmosphere for students here at Bard," said a college spokesman. Okay! Either that or: Bard is a school where you can totally brew up a batch of rave drugs. [Daily Freeman]
Stunning news: Airline workers at JFK smuggle drugs across international borders! Following a two-year federal investigation, ten airport employees, including seven Delta workers, appeared in court yesterday on charges of trafficking and distribution. Until they replace those dudes, loitering by the luggage carousel will only net you your actual bags, if you're lucky. [CNN]
Hey, we got something slightly tangled the other day. (I know, right?) In the police raid on gay party hangout Mr. Black that the Voice reported on (by the way, the cops stonewalled us on this, and ridiculously refused to give us the names of people arrested), the cops arrested seventeen employees, considered charging them with "criminal nuisance" (some twisted version of like, aiding and abetting drug use or sales, perhaps), and 16 of the 17 employees weren't charged with anything in the end. A bunch of them were strip-searched while being held. Of 13 other people arrested, two were charged—with one sale each. (Dollars to donuts those charges will be thrown out.) All in all, this is a really lame raid. We also made fun of what sounded like a pretty vast array of drugs scattered about; we hear that employees say that two random guys turned out their pockets and dumped their stashes when the cops arrived. So sadly, Mr. Black is not, like, a rainbow carpet of coke and ludes every day. And we hear there's much, much more coming on this story next week.
