On Tuesday, Jon Corzine runs for New Jersey Governor! Earlier today, the New York Post and WABC New York reported on "Corzine staffer" 25 year-old Jason Shih's arrest for having a bunch of E on him. Except: Shih totally lied.

Lee Abrams, Tribune Co's futurist genius executive who has guided the company on its current path to wild success, has himself a TV special coming up! It's called "History of the Future, Hosted by Lee Abrams." What is it? Boogidyboogidy!

Does this antipsychotic medication make me look fat? Yes. Ugly or crazy? Your choice.

The generation that brought America sex, drugs, and Rock 'n Roll has had just about enough of you kids and your disgusting dance moves, weed smoking, and loud noise.

The Minnesota Supreme Court has ruled that bong water counts as a controlled substance, and you can be prosecuted for it. Who's that knocking on the door? Drink up, hippies.

Edgy comedian David Cross: Just how edgy is he? Edgy as a knife (double-edged). Sniffing coke while sitting near the President of the USA. That's what David Cross did, says David Cross.

In your extra-good Thursday media column: We get results for aggrieved media employees, a scandalous media blind item for you to examine, a Texas paper loves LSD, and Chuck Todd is the new Samson.

Matt Harvey reminds hysterical trend story writers: Heroin has always been, and always shall be.

For reality TV show winners, victory can be a path to many great things — fame, romance, a smaller waistline. But one TV champion dared to dream bigger.

The meth craze means you may soon need a prescription to buy Sudafed. Thanks, tweakers.

Spencer Morgan's newest Profile of an Odd Man is good enough to make you throw up, because you can almost hear the crack bubbling in a fucked up corner of a too-cool subculture. Ugh. Crack.

Obama's willing to look the other way on the medical marijuana thing. You know who is not, though? Lawmen in L.A., which is now one big legal weed spot. They are such bitches.

Campus shrinks say a record number of college students are seeking treatment for mental health issues and that their problems are more severe than ever. Are the kids alright?

Barack Obama is telling the feds to stop, like, totally freaking out, man, and take it easy on medical marijuana.

Hot damn. Allen Salkin — the Seymour Hersh of the Sunday Styles section — hit the nail on the head this time. Salkin reviewed/profiled the DJ AM docu-show about addiction, and got some quotes. It's a teary, compelling affair.

With all the swastika-carving and interracial marriage-objecting, among other things, it appears the States have regressed back to a state of full blown racism. That's only partially true, because Dick Durbin today introduced some race-blind drug legislation. And it's personal...

A tiny baby kangaroo named Skippy was abandoned by his mother in a Louisiana wildlife center, but a lady raised him herself and he's just fine. Skippy's now chief marketing officer of Procter & Gamble. [Pic of similar organism: AP]

Remember Anthtrax? Terrorists were supposed to use it to kill democracy, but nothing much ever came of it all. Until now: an ER was evacuated after someone saw a white substance. Turns out it was just cocaine. Oops! [Salt-Lake Tribune]

America's only state-licensed medical marijuana dealer is a non-profit dispensary working out of New Mexico. If you've ever experienced the purchasing of diesel-grade weed in a less-than-desirable situation, you can relate to Abby Goodnough's entirely fascinating New York Times report.

Those young Brits love their cocaine. Just love it! In fact, the amount of 18-24 year olds who are hooked on the stuff has doubled in four years. Now the government's unleashing a wave of graphic, campy PSAs.