"Alcohol likely played a role" in fence-jump impalement of self-proclaimed ninja.

Everybody loves a good party trick. At a bash with brews but no opener? Impress every girl in the room by saving the day with this clever "how-to."

Wine criticism: Bullshit. Add it to the list.

• The week in reviews: Sam Sifton of the Times describes the new Aureole as "meh" and gives it one star; Time Out's Jay Cheshes gives the San Domenico sequel SD26 four out of five stars; GQ's Alan Richman hits SD26 as well and is less than impressed; Bloomberg's Ryan Sutton weighs in on SD26 and A Voce; and NYMag's Adam Platt hits A Voce, too, giving it three stars.
• The Post's Steve Cuozzo recounts his top burger picks in the meatpacking district and beyond including his current fave, Bistro Chat Noir. [NYP]
• Sam Mason has confirmed the obvious: He's parted ways with Tailor, which hasn't even been open since the early part of the summer. [Eater]
• A look around the Mermaid Oyster Bar, which opened last night. [GS]
• Time Out has a "winter drinking guide" if you're interested. [TONY]
• Pickles are all the rage right now, in case you haven't heard. [NYO]
• Guy Fieri is the Glenn Beck of the food world, apparently. [TDB]

Are you both spendthrift and resourceful? Here's how to turn that bottle of Dubra in your freezer into something drinkable.

High school scientists have discovered that high school athletes are more likely to drink and fight than high school non-athletes (nerds). WHOA.

Whitney Houston had a wardrobe malfunction and forgot about her own album. Paris Hilton craves shellfish. Akon wants his baby mama to be his Myspace friend. All that and more in your Monday Morning Gossip Roundup!

A committed band of coots, cranks, and wingnuts in Williamsburg are ready to do whatever it takes to ensure that their neighborhood doesn't get one more wine bar, which would make all the gangs come in.

Whoa: The British Medical Association is urging a complete ban on alcohol advertising and sponsorships in England, home to many drunks. But the media needs that money! Who's more disingenuous here—ad agencies, media companies, or doctors? It's close!

"Those rewrite men—some of them were so drunk!" So begins Gay Talese's entertaining reminiscence on just how drunk the New York Times was, in his day. Mad Men? "Hell. The drinking that went on in journalism was beyond that."

The Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs—the most popular journal—found that the binge-drinking and unprotected sex habits of students at America's drunkest colleges has barely changed since the early 90s. So what's the problem, right? High-five. [JSAD]

How many of you are "binge drinkers," meaning you had five drinks in a night once last month? (All you drunks raise your hands). Now, how many of you drove after getting wasted? (Pause). Liars! Science knows.

• Not surprisingly, the prospect of a TGI Friday's opening across from the Greenmarket in Union Square has provoked all sorts of outrage. [Eater]
• On a related note (and notwithstanding the economic downturn), chain stores are rapidly expanding across the city, in case you haven't noticed. [NYT]
• Magnolia Bakery, coming off the heels of a minor scandal at its West Village location, reports that it's opening a Grand Central location this fall. [VV]
• Places to eat in the Hamptons should you happen to be on a budget. [Zagat]

Wet-brained scientists have discovered that long-term alcoholics may misread the emotional cues that people project with their facial expressions. And how!

• Jeffrey Chodorow says he plans to turn his failed steakhouse, Center Cut, into a seafood shack-style spot called Ed's Chowder House. Ed Brown, the chef and owner of Eighty One, will be his partner in the venture. [NYT]
• Like father, like son, apparently: The new chef at Jean-Georges Vongerichten's Perry Street is JGV's eldest son, Cedric Vongerichten. [TFB]
• John Fraser says he's planning to expand his UWS eatery, Dovetail. [VV]
• Butchers are the new food world rock stars, in case you haven't heard. [ABC]
• Bed-Stuy gets its first speakeasy, SarahJames, this weekend. [GS]
• The guy who owns most of the Burger Kings in Brooklyn and Queens has gone bankrupt, just in case you happen to be interested in that tidbit. [Crain's]
• Make of this what you will: Sales of bottled water have been going down while at the same time whiskey sales have been on the rise.

Is the recession over? Who knows, really, but Vanity Fair has already taken the liberty of having a bartender whip up a special "Is the recession over?" cocktail. Made of blueberries, vodka and crème de cassis, it's designed to be consumed while addressing that very question with friends. Unfortunately, it also takes a full week to make, which means by the time it's ready, the economy may have recovered and already slipped into another recession. So, you know, maybe it would be better to just stick to a beer or whatever? [VF]

Are you a sad football-watching drunk who wants nothing more than to guzzle cheap American beer and pass out in front of the flickering televised sporting contest, momentarily forgetting your copious problems? No, you're the future of beer marketing!

Yes, everyone drinks more in a recession, but they drink the cheapest, vilest swill they can find. The New York Times reports while wine sales are up, the industry is hurting because high-end wines are in a tailspin.

That NBC chair Ben Silverman is flying/being pushed out of the peacock coop isn't really all that surprising. He's always been kind of a disaster. A blowhard (in more ways than one) party boy with streaks of ego and irresponsibility.

No matter how fancy the club is, there are fruit flies in the liquor. Enjoy.