Well I reckon if they found out that jerking off gives men cancer, then it's only fair that they also found out that drinking gives women cancer. Thanks science!

• Kelly Cutrone says normally at this time of year she'd be flying in a chef from India to cook for her. But this Fashion Week she's cutting back on account of the recession. Bring us a tissue! [WWD]
• Arnold Scaasi did not like Jason Wu's gown for Michelle Obama: "I don't think the inaugural gown was flattering in any way... She could have looked much better." Yeow. [NYT]
• Despite the rough economy, Justin Timberlake's William Rast label is holding up nicely. [NYM]
• Anna Sui has landed a book deal. [Fashionista]
• The plywood has been removed outside Topshop in Soho! [Racked]
• Marie Claire is giving away taxi rides to promote Running in Heels. [FWD]
• Istithmar may sell Barneys for less than half what they paid for it in '07. [BN]
• Rents are falling in the garment district, duh. [NYT]
• An alcoholic's guide to Fashion Week. [Pipeline]

We liked him so much when all we knew was that he gave us our new president of hope, but Obama campaign manager David Plouffe ruined all that by babbling about beer pong to Esquire.

It's Friday afternoon, which means you're probably already thinking about booze. Why not sample a "current-events-inspired" drink this weekend? Vanity Fair has the recipe for the Madoff-Made-Off Mojito. You'll need rum, Grand Marnier, mint leaves, freshly squeezed lime juice, and a splash of champagne. Just don't forget to stir gently. [VF]

MSNBC's Rachel Maddow once said that if she wasn't a broadcast host she'd "try to find a way to professionally bully people about what they drink." She'd be good at it!

Two months ago, the Today show's Hoda Kotb swore "I don't drink really that much!" Really? This compilation is an intervention. Hoda, you may drink more than the entire cast of Fox & Friends.

It's the holidays and the end of a horrible year, so that can only mean one thing: Everyone is consuming their body weight in alcohol! As if you needed any enticement, bars are reviving whiskey and cognac-heavy cocktails from Prohibition and the Great Depression like the Sidecar, the Old Fashioned, and the Manhattan, while Stolichnaya is going for gallows humor by promoting new drinks called Rejected Resume, Battered Bull and Welfare Punch.

Last week the Times started a booze blog! Who knew? Today contributor Susan Cheever weighed in with a provocative, some might say intemperate, thesis: There are no more drunks at New York parties.

• A list of the saddest restaurant closings of 2008. Sad, indeed. [NYDN]
• Rumor has it Macao Trading Co.'s downstairs lounge is opening tonight. [GS]
• Patisserie Claude has reopened under new ownership. [VV]
• Video of David Chang shopping for cookbooks. [men.style.com]
• Philippe Express is offering a meal plan for NYU students. For $1,995. [Eater]
• Not surprisingly, sales of bourbon and scotch are on the rise. [F&W]

Everyone knows that girls can't metabolize their alcohol like boys! That's why they're always staggering out of Mansion at 4 a.m., vomiting, crying, and curling up on the sidewalk like baby deer. In the last ten years, the ones who didn't drink much are now drinking, and the ones who already drank are drinking more, reports New York Mag. Their article on women and drinking is basically a public service announcement: What is happening to America's girls?

Today's Dining section of the NYT is dedicated to drinking and the "cult of the cocktail," which is sort of like Martha Stewart hosting a show live from a dive bar. I mean, there's an honest-to-God listicle in there about 8 Bartender Philosophies, and something about alcohol and bundt cakes. The most puzzling bogus trend piece, however, is about the popularity of the college-girl and manchild drink called the White Russian, which was apparently drank by a character in the excellent but ten-year-old cult move The Big Lebowski. That fact serves as the big news peg, as cult followers of the film regularly gather to imbibe what one enthusiast calls a "big boy milkshake."

How are champagne manufacturers expected to fare this holiday season now that the economy is in a tailspin? Not well, unsurprisingly. "It's hard to imagine it will be anything other than horrible," says one expert. [AdAge]

First stop, 7pm, at the hallway-shaped Milano's on East Houston. There was a hair in my beer. I settled next to a stoic old man. Despite the crowd, however, the only political discussions were coming from the TV. Second stop, Mars Bar, 8pm. There are exactly two bare lightbulbs lit, and exactly three people in the bar: a middle-aged guy who looks like a Bowery bum, a young blonde guy who looks like a junkie, and a black lady from Oregon who "lives here now." With a tubercular cough left over from a cold, I fit right in. The older guy, Mike, asks if I'm reading Freud. "Believe it or not Interpretations of Dreams was one of the first books I read when I was a kid because I was having nightmares. Say, have you ever read Jung? No?" "You vote?" Mike asks the pretty brunette bartender, who barely looks of voting age. She sighs. "No, because I fucked up my registration. I just... fucked it up." "Tell you what, we're having going to have our first black President," Mike offers. Two laborers from Connecticut come in, the younger of which didn't bother to vote. "I think we're going to have McCain," he says. "It's all rigged up anyway." The payphone rings and the bartender answers: "No, Benny, I'm sorry. I told you before I'm not going on a date with you," she says before slamming it down. With that, we sit and wait for the night bartender, who is a half an hour late for her shift. [Photo courtesy psych101]

MSNBC's lovable Rachel Maddow is a "hobbyist bartender," as she explained to Martha Stewart, who eyed the cocktail Maddow prepared for her a little too eagerly. (We'll be reporting the election returns live from dive bar Milano's later this evening.)

What's becoming really big now that the economy is screwed? Budget beer, apparently. Low-end brews like Busch and Keystone have seen sales shoot up in recent weeks. [AdAge]

Have you ever phone-banked? It's pretty dull, even if you are helping people help themselves by voting FOR CHANGE. Have you tried drinking while making cold calls for Obama? The election is nigh; clearly Obama's army is overworked, overtired, and inebriated. (Click for the sound clip, via Mac Daddy World.)(Speaking of Obama's campaign workers: we know you're out there, canvassing in the flyover states. Any tales from the front lines? Is there a hott Obama-worker hookup scene? Tell us at tips@gawker.com.)

"Bob Fredrick, a clinical social worker and therapist in Atlanta, is not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous." HI, BOB! [Regret the Error]

Ever have one of those days when you stalk out of work in a huff? Then, stepping outside, wonder WTF you are going to do with your day? Do you go over to Broadway and finger a tray of cashmere gloves at Club Monaco? Do you take the 6 train uptown, pop a Xanax, and watch TV? Or do you wonder which downtown bars are open and serving? Is it maybe 11 a.m. on a Tuesday? If so, you might enjoy Milano's on East Houston.If you want to drink in grave-like silence in the middle of the day, pondering the economy and your role in it, this hallway-shaped dive's for you. "Sex causes high blood pressure," an old man tells the bartender. "You know, the heart races and stuff." (Are you the only female in the bar? Are you, at this point, used to this?) You know what else causes high blood pressure? Not the failing economy! There've been reports that people are actually healthier (if not happier) during hard times. Another even older man comes in off the street, asks the bartender, "What's 2 across?" and heaves himself onto a barstool. It collapses and he falls to the floor. "The legs just snapped off," he says sheepishly. Which sort of represents the subprime market—and as someone wise once said, "nothing is so successful that you can't fuck it up." The answer to 2 across? I-R-R-A-T-I-O-N-A-L H-U-B-R-I-S. Anyway, Milano's. A pint of Brooklyn Lager? $5. The day off? Priceless. [Photo: Trig's Flickr]

Zima has been discontinued. Lightweights despair. [AP]

Well now, we got our hands on a survey of people who watch Mad Men, the critically acclaimed show that consists of sex, sexism, cigarettes, booze, boozy sex, racism, and a bit of advertising. And guess what? The audience appears to be made up of off-the-charts alcoholics. Forty-seven times the normal rate of hard Irish Whiskey drinkers, for example. But there's one stunning twist in all this here data!