After a recent, wholly believable revelation in The New Yorker that described Chris Christie as Donald Trump’s “manservant,” Governor Christie’s office has vehemently denied the allegations. Sure, buddy—whatever you say.

For the second time in a week, evidence has emerged in support of the theory that Donald Trump may not actually want to be president—or, at least, may be hedging his bets if he loses.

It is increasingly clear that Donald Trump is perfectly happy to be president, as long as he doesn’t have to work for it. But his campaign needs help—a lot of help—from the RNC, so he’s made them a series of promises, approximately zero of which he’s fulfilled so far.

In the wake of Donald Trump’s toxic response to the Orlando shooting, Republican leaders have tried to distance themselves from their presumptive nominee, going so far as to physically flee from reporters. On Wednesday, however, a passionate Trump refused to stand down, claiming that he had more than enough self-love to satisfy his needs.

The term “oppo research” is a sexy one, conjuring scenes of detectives peering in windows and meetings in shadowy underground parking garages. In reality, at least based on files that appeared to be hacked from the DNC, oppo research mostly consists of aggregating a bunch of news articles about Donald Trump.

Of the more than 200 pages of opposition research seemingly compiled by the DNC to nail Trump, the vast majority is underwhelming at best. One entry, though, almost makes all that trouble worth it: The fact that presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump doesn’t believe in heaven.

A 200+ page document that appears to be a Democratic anti-Trump playbook compiled by the Democratic National Committee has leaked online following this week’s report that the DNC was breached by Russian hackers. In it, Trump is pilloried as a “bad businessman” and “misogynist in chief.”

As votes in the Washington, D.C., primary were tallied on Tuesday night—adding up to one last win for Hillary Clinton—the two Democratic candidates met at a hotel on Capitol Hill to make peace after a moderately acrimonious primary season. According to the New York Times, the chemistry between Clinton and Bernie Sanders was “strained.”

Having powered through the “futile bargaining” phase of the Donald Trump grieving process, the Senate’s bereaved Republicans are now processing the 2016 election as full-on depression, according to reports released Tuesday.

One day after the Silicon Valley billionaire Peter Thiel revealed his clandestine legal attack on Gawker Media to the New York Times, Gawker reporter Ashley Feinberg published a lengthy investigation that sought to solve the enduring mystery of Donald Trump’s infamous mane, which she described as a “cotton candy hairspray labyrinth.”

Lawyers representing the defendants accused of shutting down a bridge as part of an elaborate revenge scheme say Chris Christie—Donald Trump’s unpaid intern and the technical governor of New Jersey—destroyed evidence, including a cell phone, text messages and emails, that connected him to the crime.

Hackers working for the Russian government gained access to the Democratic National Committee’s database of opposition research on Donald Trump, The Washington Post reports. Some of the hackers might have been in the network for a year, with access to all chat logs and email traffic and whatever files of dirt the DNC has collected on Trump—dirt that some analysts say would have become public at some point anyway.

Yesterday, birthday boy Donald Trump went to great lengths to align himself with what he called “the LB and LGBT community.” Just two years ago, though, his support wasn’t quite so effusive when he called in to Fox & Friends to discuss Michael Sam’s history-making post-draft kiss.

Today, a questionably lucid, racist old man turns 70 years old. And we here at Gawker would like to wish a very happy birthday to future President Donald J. Trump.

According to USA Today, transcripts from a 2006 lawsuit against the big bouncing birthday boy Donald Trump, who turns 70 today—when did he get so big??—reveal that his company, the Trump Organization, regularly erased all emails from 1996 to 2001.

With his improvised, frequently contradictory policy statements, Donald Trump’s proposals have often better resembled a Rorschach test than a traditional political platform. On Monday, however, the presumptive Republican nominee offered his clearest rejection of authorial intent yet, tasking the American people with decoding his claim that “there’s something going on” with President Obama and radical Islam.

This afternoon, Donald Trump announced his campaign would be revoking the press credentials of the “phony and dishonest” Washington Post, which has run a host of stories critical of his candidacy and campaign. As it were, they are in great company—Trump has banned individual reporters and entire outlets for far less.

In a speech today, amid lots of other incoherence, Donald Trump articulated a newly expanded version of his xenophobic “ban Muslims” immigration policy. Consider the implications of this statement: