What’s happening to our website? Who owns us now? Who’s in charge? Nobody knows. Why don’t you bring us a dog?

A-oooooga! The sound of the approaching tugboat shatters the night’s fog. I make the boat sound with my own wet mouth.

Maybe you like dogs but you can’t have a dog. That’s where public dogs come in.

It is with a heavy heart that we bring you this tail of woe: most New Yorkers are giving wack names to their dogs.

Do not give any money to Bubba.

At tonight’s CNN Republican Presidential Town Hall in Columbia, South Carolina, after months of struggling to connect with voters, Jeb Bush finally said something we can all relate to: He thinks his brother’s painting habit is “really weird.” Jeb didn’t refer to W.’s naked self-portraits specifically, but I’m sure those haunt his dreams.

Future published author Kristin Cavallari had a baby a couple months ago, and she named her “Saylor.” Why? Well, as Kristin explained in an interview with the baby registry site Cricket’s Circle last September, it all started with a dog.

Presidential candidate Donald Trump may look like this cat, but his spokesperson Katrina Pierson simply cannot stop referring to people as though they are dogs.

There are lots of great things about this video. Here they are, in descending order:

“The ultimate question is ‘could a dog fly a plane?’ so we have undertaken some training using an aircraft simulator.” What hath God wrought!

There are only several hundred more days until the 2016 presidential election—have you picked your favorite candidate yet? No? Well, perhaps it would help to imagine each one of them, who are all so confident that they should be the next person to run this country into the ground, as a dog.

“Dog bites man.” That is, canonically, not News. But “Man crashes wedding, bites cop and police dog (police dog also bites cop)?” That’s what Santa Barbara, Calif., police say occurred on Saturday night, and it is News, my friends. News!

There are people who spend their entire lives learning the fine art of hypnotism. If they were wise, they’d save a lot more time and money by just using this dumb video of a Great Dane.

In a tragic incident in New York, authorities say a man who was washing the blood of his own yellow lab off the street was also stuck and killed on the roadway. The dog and his owner were killed just minutes apart.

Who is a good dog? Finally, we have the answer: Tillie. Tillie is a good dog.

Just before puking and just after allegedly crashing his car into a house, Florida resident Reliford Cooper reportedly told the police arresting him on DUI charges that he was not the person driving his car. In fact, Cooper said, a person wasn’t behind the wheel at all. “My dog was driving that car,” he said, according to WFTS.

There’s an ancient Latin proverb that says, “The wolf changes his coat, but not his disposition.”

Who’s a good boy? Definitely not the Yorkshire terrier who recently drove his owner’s pickup truck into a lake after being put in timeout.

A pig and a dog were found wandering through wilderness of a Florida suburb this week, without a care in the world except one another.