Alex Bogusky, the it-boy ad wizard who thinks up all those Burger King commercials, is worried about America's fat ass! So he's writing a new diet book called The 9-Inch Diet. Oh sorry, we see that it's "not just another diet book." This one has added expertise:

Ladies, have a look at this ad featuring skinny supermodel Kate Moss. How does it make you feel? Wait, let me tell you how it makes you feel: it makes you hate your own body, but really want to purchase that handbag Kate Moss is advertising! What am I, psychic? No, I'm just telling you what the advertising industry has discovered in a breakthrough new study about skinny models. Women love to hate themselves and keep coming back for more, apparently! The actual, scientific study found that "ads featuring thin models made women feel worse about themselves but better about the brands featured." They make you despise your own "normal" body, and subconsciously try to correct the situation with therapy consisting of shopping. Oh, the pretty girls have all the pretty brands! A Villanova professor who ran the study ferreted out just what advertisers bank on: masochism. ""The really interesting result we're seeing across multiple studies is that these thin models make women feel bad, but they like it," he said. The advertising industry always knew you were a bad, bad girl. And in the most entertaining twist to this whole thing, the study also found that images of skinny models make women stop eating. Surprise!:

American dogs, like American people, are turning into a bunch of dumpy, couch-ridden fatties. But the pharmaceutical industry is rushing to the rescue! Slentrol, a diet drug for dogs, recently launched a new ad campaign [NYS] to convince guilty dog owners that what their mutt needs is chemicals, not a stick thrown a long way, over and over. Furthermore, some stern doggie personal trainers are warning about the dangers of "the wrong kind of exercise"—specifically, "uncontrolled play." Give those dogs a structured exercise program and diet drugs at once, foolish yuppies!

Here's a heartwarming adage from my grandmother: "You can never be too rich or too thin." (Can't wait to see you this weekend, Safta! Yes, I'm laying off the matzo.) Emily Brill has always been rich, but hasn't always been thin. In fact, she was once chubby in a spoiled 10 year-old kind of way, which makes sense because she is the daughter of media millionaire Steve Brill, so she probably got to eat allll the candy she wanted to. But now Emily is thin. And on her blog, she announced that she'll do whatever it takes to stay that way.

Though hearing about some of the scary diet tactics used by stars last month was unnerving, the names associated with the far from healthy tips weren't earth-shattering: Nicole Richie, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are commonly featured in the weeklies when chatter of weight loss methods comes up. But the highbrow BFF team that is Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham isn't the standard source of speculation. Sure, they're incredibly thin despite pregnancies, but they've so far managed not to be outed when it comes to specific Desperately Seeking Thinness claims. But after a recent sighting at Madeo, Katie and Posh have officially topped the "scary" list of celebs who use outlandish methods when it comes to staying skinny...

Did you know that people who write about food for a living tend to be fatties? It's true! Except for the Times' dreamy James Bond of gastronomy, Frank Bruni. The point is that some food critics have realized that scarfing down daily heapings of pork bellies and passing it off as a professional expense is no guarantee they won't keel over from a heart attack, and is a guarantee they will have a hard time seeing their own genitals. Even pork-loving wild man Mario Batali is threatening to start exercising! By chasing a greased sow in his Crocs, perhaps. But even while some of the wiser gluttons are easing back, says the Times, their stupider brethren—embodied by one man—just can't stop with the sausage:

If you want to look just as scarily skinny as the likes of Kate Hudson and Renee Zellweger, the solution is simple: eat nothing but boiled eggs and water, develop a healthy addiction to caffeine and cardio, and devote your evenings to chain-smoking and reading Us Weekly on the john. The latest "news" on celebrity diet secrets comes to us courtesy of the Daily Mail, who asked a handful of trainers and nutrition experts what's in between the lines of all those helpful How Kate/Jessica/Reese Got Slim stories. And even if some of the answers don't exactly whet your appetite, guessing which celebs the so-called experts are outing is almost as much fun as biting into a Double Double. Take this nugget for example:

Meet Jerzy and Aniela Gregorek. They are originally from Poland, where they were world weightlifting champions. Now they have a personal training gym called the Happy Body fitness studio, near San Francisco. Jerzy and Aniela have a very interesting approach to personal training. They do not like moderation! They are profiled in this month's W, and Aniela, who is 48 years old, is described as still having "no trouble wearing snug, white spandex pants," even after giving birth to the couple's daughter three years ago. That is impressive! Even more impressive is that their program encourages women to get down to 13 percent body fat, and men to 10 percent. Even W thinks this might be extreme!