Through the magic of our exclusive StallionVision™, we're able to provide you, the blog consumer, with a more robust multimedia experience of this PrivacyWatch sighting of Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson at Dodger Stadium:
Have you always longed to be the cousin Oliver to our Brady Bunch? Now's your chance, as Gawker Media is looking to fill some positions:
· Funny, we always thought that the golden popcorn at the MTV Movie Awards was inedible.
· Why does everything Michael Jackson touch go bad?
· In case you think that fake-shopping for Paris and Paris at Macy's isn't fancy enough, they've also not registered at Tiffany.
· The Butterscotch Stallion ain't buying what the Dalai Lama's selling.
· Ananova thinks that Lindsay Lohan "needs a good pie or two." We think they're talking about food, but that may be some kind of drug lingo that hasn't yet crossed the pond.
· Vanity Fair's Christopher Hitchens sits down with KCRW’s "Left, Right, and Center" host Matt Miller at the Skirball Cultural Center tonight to discuss Hitch's (see the tie-in with yesterday's Hitch event?) new book, Thomas Jefferson, Author of America.
· Music round-up: Sleater-Kinney at the Henry Fonda (should be a great place to score with indie chicks, no matter your gender); Dirty Little Secret at Boardner's; John Doe (of X) at King King.
· David Sedaris reads Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim at Vroman's Bookstore. We mention this only because we're secretly in love with his sister. Oops, not so secretly.
· "Well, take for example Christopher Reeve...Now here is a man, and I care about Christopher Reeve because I think he is an incredibly talented man. But look at him; where has his career gone?" Here come the Tom Cruise parody blogs, led by the delightful Tom Cruise's Medical Forum.
· Peruse the assault complaint against Russell Crowe, courtesy of The Smoking Gun, where a telephone becomes a "dangerous instrument" and an unappreciated musical visionary becomes a "defendant."
· Someone on the Mr. and Mrs. Smith promotional team deserves a promotion for this truly brilliant effort. Really, maybe all the way to president of production.
·Why can't we make ourselves believe that Paris Hilton registered for a Frydaddy?
· The ArcLight once again generously stretches the definition of "Master Storyteller," featuring a Q & A with director Andy Tennant following a screening of the subtle masterwork Hitch. If you're too shy to ask what it was like to sit behind the camera for Will Smith and Kevin James' historic kiss, perhaps you can ask how he managed to capture the crackling sexual chemistry between Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek in Fools Rush In without melting the filmstock.
· Louis CK, the only man brave enough to explore the multicamera sitcom wasteland for HBO, will join tonight's Comedy Death Ray show at M Bar.
· Music round-up: Aqualung does a sold-out (that's why God invented scalpers) KCRW show at the Troubadour; Kasabian at the Fonda; The Go-Go's play the House of Blues with The Like, a sort of much younger, indie-pop version of the Go-Go's.
Our blogging overlords at Gawker Media have opened up an in-house shop, currently offering up a small selection of t-shirts in Gawker, Wonkette, and Defamer Lite flavors. And unlike our blog products, the t-shirts aren't produced in sweat shops; your twenty bucks will only support the exploitation of slackers, not 6-year-old Vietnamese children. Our "An Agent Ate My Baby" t-shirt is an excellent way to either condemn the widely accepted Hollywood practice or ironically undercut your own toddler-gobbling activities. Either way, you'll be the hit of Wilshire Boulevard!
Back in December, we tried our hand at selling some haute Gawker couture t-shirts — but, alas, they moved more quickly than Kevin Federline's manjuice. We didn't make enough and kinda sold out in, like, 23 minutes, thus leaving you all in a tizzy because we screwed you out of easy holiday gift options for your friends. Who knew we'd be so bad at shamelessly whoring ourselves?
· The real-life "Turtle" ("Donkey," improbably) is still waiting for Marky Mark to make his life like the one he has on Entourage.
· "There's not much I can do at this point anymore. I feel like the more I kind of defend myself, then the more they say. I'm just such an easy target, I guess. I don't know why I'm so interesting." Hmmm...good point, Lindsay. Why are you so goddamned interesting? Oh, that's right—the peekaboo rack, the scary weight loss, and the disarming public moments of introspection.
· Sure, people were disappointed, but at least no one wound up with a telephone-inflicted head wound.
· "Klugman, Dr. Ruth and Randall's ghost"—Who are three people we're definitely not inviting to the celebrity orgy?
· Its vast reserves of Vaseline are well-known, but is Neverland Ranch sitting on black gold as well?
In our inbox, a simple request:
Today's Daily News contained a lovely surprise: Rush and Molloy are reporting that my large-headed gimpmaster is searching for my replacement. This was news to me, of course — but, just as Jennifer found out Brad was fucking Angelina in Africa thanks to US Weekly, I've learned that Nick Denton has hired Radar's token hetero, Chris Tennant, to replace me. Seeing as I've caught on to the master plan, I expect to be bound, gagged, and shoved in a trunk any minute now.
Hello. I'm Will, and it is important that you know that I am pure of heart. This is my first time as a real, live blogger, as they say; at The Black Table, we have always denied we are a blog, if just because we thought that would hurt our chances to get girls. Anyway. I also have done work for Radar, and it's worth noting that I think the magazine is actually good, and that everyone there is nice and handsome and strangely tall. I am also catastrophically sunburned. So here I am. Rock me like an extreme weather pattern. Let's get krump! -WL
Proving NASA's theory that no human being can tolerate the pain of working with yours truly for more than 10 days, we've moved on to our next helpless soul, Mister Will Leitch (pronounced "leech," and best delivered with a note of sympathy for poor Will's brutal childhood). Will is managing editor of The Black Table and author of Life as a Loser, and his interests include freshly-cut flowers, high thread counts, and rare blends of hot cocoa — all of which helped him fit in with our friends at nuevo periodico Radar, where Leitch was most recently a contributing editor. Having now chosen to pursue the glamour of our revolving roster of underemployed freelance writers, you can catch Will smoking in the Gawker bathroom. Be nice, and maybe he'll let you touch his collector's edition Zuckerman Zippo.
· Jackie Chan Vs. The Copyright Pirates: easily ten times more entertaining (and more competently directed) than Rush Hour 3 ever could have been.
· Why does it suddenly seem like Paris Latsis has an excellent chance at pulling off the elusive mother-daughter three-way?
· "It's just some people sitting around thinking: 'How can we make some more money?'" Gene Wilder shows his masterful understanding of Hollywood's creative process.
· Britney Spears can't shut up about how much sex she's getting since semipro bastard-maker K-Fed knocked her up.
· Runaway Bride: The Mugshot
It's been fun, everyone, but I'm returning to obscurity. It pays better.
Friday
· Tonight's Arclight "21+ screening" features Madagascar. Kind of an odd choice for an adult-only affair, but whatever. Why not get shitfaced to take your mind off your DreamWorks Animation stock?
· Friday night music: Of Montreal at The Vanguard Theater (the show moved from The Echo, apparently); The Dan Band clowns around at Avalon; and in case you missed them last night (Spike Jonze didn't!), The Pixies have temporarily set up shop at The Wiltern.
Saturday
· Photographs of people doin' it, where "it" refers to sex-related stuff: "The History of Sex" at the Erotic Museum in Hollywood.
· Every indie kid's favorite fuzzy radio station, KXLU, is holding their "Fundrazor" at the Knitting Factory, with Shoot Out the Lights, Her Space Holiday, My Barbarian, and Wires on Fire. Meanwhile, the Mars Volta are out for themselves at the Greek Theater.
Sunday
· The first annual LA Art Fest, held downtown this weekend, will make you ask, "Is that some kind of avant-garde, living sculpture, or a homeless guy angrily shaking his fist at me for staring at him?"
· If you live in Los Angeles, chances are you know at least fifteen people participating in the 3rd Annual Los Angeles Improv Comedy Festival at Improv Olympic. Better show up or risk getting subpar service from your neglected barista.
· From whitestripes.com, Jack White's "wedding announcement": "Karen Elson and Jack White were married yesterday on the confluence of three rivers — the Rio Negro, the Solimones and the Amazon — in the Amazon basin in the city of Manaus, Brazil. They were married by a traditional shaman priest on a canoe at the exact point where the three rivers meet...This was the first marriage for both newlyweds." Oh, yes, this seems like it's all on the up-and-up. (New album drops Tuesday!)
· “What I felt from ‘Cinderella Man’ is realizing that getting punched in the head is stupid.” However, Crowe still considers nipple-biting during a nice punch-up "kind of great."
· Denise Richards gives birth to her second daughter with soon-to-be-ex Charlie Sheen present in the delivery room. Sheen's twenty-member hooker team was made to wait in the hospital lobby during the childbirth.
· Cameron Diaz sics her lawyers on the Enquirer. for insinuating that she knows what her Trippin' producer's tongue tastes like.
· Radiohead, Sigur Ros, and ballet? Shell out for "Split Sides" at the Ahmanson Theater and discover just how much artistic pretension can be stuffed into a leotard.
· The ArcLight screens Rock School, the documentary on the real-life School of Rock. If you want Jack Black in Angus Young-style schoolboy pants, you're going to have to Netflix the fictional version.
· Music round-up: The Caesars escape the blessing/curse of their iPod ads at the Troubadour; The Pixies at the Wiltern; Out Hud at Spaceland.
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com (putting "privacywatch" or "sighting" in the subject line helps immensely) and let the world know that Vin Diesel's car seems kinda gay.
