What not to do when you stumble across an unmarked package while working as a security guard at a federal building with offices for the FBI and a U.S. senator:

Poor Detroit. People leave bombs there, and no one wants to live there any more or, apparently, even travel there. That's why suspected underwear bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab picked a Detroit flight for his failed 2009 Christmas flaming underwear bomb attempt over other American cities, the AP has discovered:

Did anyone lose a bomb in Detroit? Because there's one in the lost-and-found of a federal office building there. Or there was, for three weeks, until security guards decided to scan it and realized what they had.

The Detroit public school system plans to close 70 schools to fill a $327 million budget gap while leaving 72 open. Can't you do something about this, Eminem? Maybe make a few phone calls...? Ugh.

Sorry, Detroit, but Mayor Dave Bing shot down a suggestion for a RoboCop statue in your city.

Stop whatever it is you're doing right now and watch this immediately, because it just won Super Bowl Sunday. It's the Eminem-starring ad for the Chrysler 200—"Imported From Detroit"—and it's a goose bump-inducing work of pure art.

This video was not shot in a Third World country. It's the city of Detroit, where there are currently 70,000 abandoned buildings and 50,000 stray dogs (with only 23 Animal Control officers). I'd say that's a problem.

We don't know much about this poppin'-and-lockin' Santa seen boogieing on the side of the road in Detroit, but we do know that he's pretty freakin' awesome. Screw warbling carolers. We'd rather have this guy come to our door.

Disgraced former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick denies paying a stripper a thousand bucks "to perform at a party at the then-mayor's mansion [which] led to Kilpatrick's wife's attacking a woman who was giving him a lap dance." Small victories. [AP]

An adult book store in Detroit on Saturday sold someone a $128 million Powerball ticket, but the winner has yet to come forward. And the store, Uptown Books, has sold winning tickets before. Get there while the place is hot!

In an attempt to promote local tourism a native Clevelander took his camera to the streets to present an indigenous, somewhat optimistic, view of his city. Hum along to this lovely, not depressing at all, little ditty.

Happy first day of school! What do we have to complain about? All types of things! The schedule is stupid. The prices of school supplies are out of control. The bus is late. And hey, stop shooting us!

Along with Colorado, Detroit is now on fire too. At least two dozen homes have been lost to raging fires.

A Detroit-area woman was kicked off a jury for commenting on Facebook that it's "gonna be fun to tell the defendant they're GUILTY" before the trial was over or the defense even presented its case. Guess what her punishment was?

AOL's money website WalletPop composed a list of the worst American cities to live in based on the climate, unemployment and foreclosure figures, crime stats, etc. Naturally, Detroit and LA both made the cut. But there were some surprises, too.

A Michigan woman has been sentenced to nine to 30 years in prison for having sex with her biological son, whom she had given up for adoption and later tracked down on Facebook. He was 14 at the time.

A Detroit Public Schools district superintendent is accusing the board president of masturbating in her presence. She says it was his "usual habit" to fondle himself during meetings and she "tried to ignore it." This is called "The Dov Charney."

What sorts of outrages against humanity have been perpetrated by the sworn protectors of society, police, in the last few days? We'll tell you in this week's Cop Watch—where we watch cops closer than ever, thanks to Sean Bell.

Seven-year-old Aiyana Jones was killed during a police raid early Sunday morning. Reports now indicate that the cops were being filmed for the A&E reality show The First 48—and that important evidence may have been caught on tape.

Seven-year-old Aiyana Jones was killed early Sunday morning when Detroit police conducted a raid while searching for a murder suspect. Apparently, the officer's gun accidentally discharged during a confrontation. According to Jones' family, the suspect wasn't in their apartment.