Well, that should finally kill the lesbian rumors.

It looks like Bruce Willis made the "great and interesting" cut at the Tropicana bar at the Roosevelt, which might currently hold the title of "most celeb-infested liquor hole in all of Hollywood." From Page Six:

· Here's the headline: "Ricky Martin Seeks End to Arab Stereotypes." Our only explanation is that many Arabs find themselves in the position of being stereotyped as gay-seeming Latin singers; in that case, they couldn't have a better advocate. Also: Congratulations to Martin for continuing to be alive. We were sure he'd died quietly a year and a half ago.
· Guess what? Kevin Federline might be something less than the Father of the Year. Yeah, we never could've seen it coming, either!
· Smrt-TV hands out its "Retroactive Alternative Emmys," and despite the inclusion of a "Best Use of Doggy Style Sex in a Series" category, Will & Grace is shut out.
· Have Scientologists appropriated the word "niacin" to replace "herpes"? An investigation is underway.
· What's the status of the engagement ring that nanny-penetrating actor Jude Law gave Sienna Miller? See this item, then go right back to not giving a shit unless it results in more ribald tales of nanny-tagging.

· Cinespace hosts a DVD release party for Drive Well, Sleep Carefully: On the Road with Death Cab for Cutie. Show up early and tell all the poseurs that you've been there since 2003. Then punch out the first guy who looks like Seth Cohen, just to feel alive for a fleeting moment.
· Battle of the Network Monday Night Free Eastside Concert Stars: The Bellrays are still at Spaceland for free, while the Echo has four bands for a similarly reasonable price, i.e. free.
· Paul Feig signs Superstud: Or How I Became a 24-Year-Old Virgin, a memoir about the kinds of sexual misadventures you might expect from the venerated creator of Freaks & Geeks, at Vroman's Bookstore in Pasadena. Don't worry, he probably gets crazy laid now at F&G conventions.

Well let the spy from the Fox lot who sent in this picture explain exactly what you're looking at: "Seriously, one of the lamest things I have ever seen. As promotion for the upcoming release of Roll & Bounce, the roller boogie movie, some dumb exec had rollerbouncers burnin' up the commissary pavement at FOX today. I lost my lunch."

The precedent has finally been set: Take pictures of Cameron Diaz's 19-year-old boobies, then try to sell the photos back to her with a forged release claiming you can take them to the highest bidder if she won't bite, go to jail. Young Diaz eroticizer John Rutter was convicted of forgery, attempted grand theft, and perjury today, ending the actresses's infamous "Sexy" Photos Trial and sending Rutter to prison for up to six years. As if to taunt the world with a description of the photos it will likely never get to see, the AP offers up a taste of what Diaz's $3.5 million might've bought:

We at Defamer know that agents have feelings, too, and we're committed to helping heartsick tenpercenters do whatever is necessary to get on with their lives. And if that healing involves a Craigslist ad trolling for someone with whom to trade cheap rent for intimate companionship, who are we to judge? The heart wants what it wants:

Knowing that film is an inherently collaborative art form might quite logically lead you to believe that Michael Bay employed an army of writers to craft the visual poetry of his signature blowing-shit-up scenes in The Island. In an interview with Newsweek critic David Ansen, the legendary fauxteur sets the record straight:

A California lawyer is celebrating the lost love of his youth, a pre-fame, 15-year-old Jennifer Aniston, in the only way that makes sense in the internet era: by auctioning off all of his memories of their summer fling on eBay for a minimum of $100,000:

The press releases are flying as Disney has finally, officially named Daniel Battsek (don't pretend you don't know that he's Executive Vice President/Managing Director of Distribution and Production for Buena Vista International) as the new president of what's left of the lean-and-mean Miramax. Effective immediately, Battsek begins a tenure of being referred to as "the new Harvey Weinstein," whether or not he actually presides over a fresh reign of Weinstein-style terror.

· The WB puts Michigan J. Frog in the blender, liberating itself from the tyranny of its kid-friendly mascot in an attempt to shed its perception as the place where viewers kill time while waiting for their pubes to sprout. To show how serious he was about killing the frog and separating from the past, WB head Garth Ancier even made a cutting-edge reference to one of the country's hottest news stories: "The frog was on life support for a long time and then we got permission from a federal court to removed the feeding tube." [Variety]
· The spectre of international terrorism drives international audiences into the comforting embrace of Fantastic Four, which continues to thrive at the overseas box office. [THR]
· What happens when the President gets caught with his pants down and the First Lady divorces him? The aggrieved first spouse gets to keep the White House! Other hilarity is sure to ensue (fingers crossed for a custody battle involving the Secretary of Defense) in The People's House, under the joint stewardship of Warner Bros. and Brian Grazer's Imagine. [Variety]
· Sony BMG is hit with $10 million in fines and agrees to stop paying radio stations to play their songs, but stands behind its continuing conspiratorial, devilish efforts to crush Michael Jackson's career. [THR]
· The trio of producers behind Wedding Crashers use their newfound clout to produce Happy Campers for New Line, which sounds like City Slickers, but with kids and camping instead of cowboy stuff. [Variety]

With DreamWorks Animation stock price in the toilet, six shareholder lawsuits pending against the company, and an upcoming "informal inquiry" by the SEC, things have looked better for The House That Shrek Built. The NY Times reports on the plight facing bite-sized CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg, whose relentless enthusiasm for his movies may have harmed his credibility with the money people:

How bleak are things at the publicly humbled, last place (UPN and The WB don't count) NBC? So bad that president Kevin Reilly had to conjure a rather unpleasant image to communicate his network's plight to the Television Critics Association:

Spend the next five work days locked in the conference room, killing time until the sweet release of Friday, when you can again give yourself over to the enthusiastic consumption of Hollywood product. Your Monday morning box office numbers:

· Tomorrow is Paul Reubens Day. Grab your raincoats and head to the nearest adult theater (yes, we mean the TomKat) and await instructions. Actually, you probably know what to do already. [via BoingBoing]
· When helicopters prove too impractical, there are other ways for rich people to buy their way out of traffic.
· Colin Farrell claims release of sex video would expose his "undercover operative."
· We thought there was something a little bit familiar about the way John Roberts' family dressed.
· Just FYI: Since Katie Holmes is obviously no longer fit to wear the tiara and sash of America's Sweetheart, we're unilaterally handing them over to Anne Hathaway. We're also going to ignore the stuff about the older boyfriend, which clearly is just a phase.

Friday
· The summer is not only about getting wasted, falling asleep on the beach, and being awakened by a homeless man trying to appropriate your shoes. Sometimes it's about sitting in a room and listening to clever people read their writing. To wit: TJ to LA: A Night of McSweeney’s Readings at 826LA.
· Comedians Paul Rust and Neil Campbell slough off their skin and become beings of pure laughter at their show Let's Go! at the UCB Theater. OK, maybe they become beings of 75% laughter/25% relived childhood pain, but that's not a horrible ratio.
· Friday night music-related musicality: Kings of Leon and the Secret Machines at the Wiltern; Circle Jerks at the Vault 350; and Gwar (that's right, don't you like stage blood and foam rubber costumes?) at the LA Sports Arena.
Saturday
· "Night Vision: MOCA After Dark" is not a no-penetration, softcore Showtime movie. It's a classy event at the MOCA at which you might meet someone who will later deny you penetration.
· Artnight at 18th Street: Yes, there is art, at night, and it takes place on 18th Street. Well played, Santa Monica art galleries. [second item]
Sunday
· Music? Northern State (think the Beastie Boys, but with female productive organs and no apparent obsession with the Dalai Lama) at the Knitting Factory; All time tight pants champion Robert Plant at The Greek Theater.
· Gameriot at the House of Blues: Yes, there are others like you out there, and they'll be gathering Sunday night to celebrate gaming.

In the interest of finally wrapping up coverage of the Roman Polanski Swede-Propositioning Libel Trial, a verdict has finally been rendered. And: Huzzah! Justice is served! Take that, thin-skinned, fugitive director!

By now you may have heard that Courtney Love passed out at the Roosevelt on Wednesday night, and yesterday morning was rushed to Cedars Sinai, the only fully accredited Celebrity Undisclosed Medical Emergency Care Facility in Los Angeles. Love told Rush & Molloy that she doesn't know what knocked her out, other than "not drugs":

Here comes the weekend! Whether you're a fan of reimaginings, remakes, or movies that feel like remakes, your local film exhibitor has something for you!

It seemed like an eternity had passed since Claudio made that wish at the Trevi Fountain after a poignant viewing of Pay It Forward some five years ago, but he'd never abandoned hope that he'd one day cradle Haley Joel Osment in his strong arms. And even though this wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind originally, the reality of hoisting the manchild aloft was just as sweet as any crazy dream.