Please forgive us if you've already seen the shot of Ted Casablanca's zero-ass before, but we couldn't take the chance that some of you might not have had the opportunity to be traumatized by it yet. Your blind item guesses are in, but ride One Blabbermouth Blind Vice around the track one more time before moving on:
Sadly, the childbirth-induced euphoria that Spears is experiencing may soon fade, as husband Kevin Federline finds himself more interested in finally perfecting the background version of the Roger Rabbit he's been working on for the past year than his newest son and recuperating wife. Why won't little Presty stop bellyachin'? she'll cry to her already-withdrawn life partner, and be answered with only the faint sound of C+C Music Factory drifting into the nursery from the background-dancing studio. That's when the dark feelings set in, the clouds of postpartum gloom that once gripped Brooke Shields, whom Britney knows to be much stronger than she is from repeated viewings of videotaped episodes of her favorite sitcom, Suddenly Susan; in this fleeting moment, when despair first starts to seep into the cracks of elation, that's when Tom Cruise strikes.
The LAT profiles industry uber-lawyer Skip Brittenham, who, it turns out, is more than merely one of the industry's most powerful behind-the-scenes players. ("All roads lead to Skip" declares Sony's Amy Pascal! "If you're going to have just one new Lew Wasserman this year, make it Skip Brittenham!" says Harvey Weinstein of the The Weinstein Company Gazette! etc etc.) He's also a dedicated dad, devoted fisherman, and, it seems, an amateur comedian. Humanizes the Times:
Our V-chip has long been set to filter anything featuring Jay Leno, but a reader's television defenses prove far less formidable, allowing her to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm's Jeff Garlin suspiciously twitchy turn during last night's visit to The Tonight Show and file this report:
· Steve Carell's agents make sure they book up every free minute of his next three years before his 40 Year-Old Virgin heat dissipates, sign him up for the Disney romantic comedy Dan in Real Life. (Plot unimportant.). [Variety]
· In perhaps one of the most liberal contractual definitions of "talent" to date, the WB signs a talent holding deal with Nick Lachey . [THR]
· Robert Wise, Academy Award winning director of The Sound of Music and West Side Story died of heart failure yesterday at 91. Pray that his soul was not captured inside Britney's baby after it shuffled off its mortal coil. [Variety]
· Disney's underperforming film business could flush up to $300 million down the fiscal crapper this quarter after a horrible summer. We blame Lindsay Lohan's missed days of shooting on Herbie: Fully Loaded for at least half of the loss. [Variety]
· Fox's Head Cases premiere bombs even in comparison to lead-in So You Think You Can Dance's weak numbers. Chris O'Donnell should be taking your drink order shortly. [THR]
If the above response to this PrivacyWatch sighting (the very last one in that post) doesn't drive you a) clinically insane with sexual desire or b) to the bathroom sink to discover if Liquid-Plumr is an effective self-blinding agent, feel free to continue on with this week's blind item guessing game. We'll skip the usual preamble and get right down to bidness with One Blabbermouth Blind Vice:
The NY Times heralds the arrival of of The Showbiz Show with David Spade [Ed.note—Premiering tonight—what, you haven't been reading the banner ads littering this site? Tinseltown is finally being ripped a new one!] with a delightful mix of fawning, playful mussing of the rascal host's hair, and unrepentant blowjoberry. As you've been told time and time again, the show will be The Daily Show for Hollywood, an idea seemingly so obvious that Comedy Central was flummoxed that the concept hadn't been tried previously:
Hey, y'all! A lot has happened since Britney Spears asked her celebrity obstetrician, "Doc, if you cut this thing outta my belly right now, can I pleasepleaseplease have a smoke? Yes? Slice me up like a cantaloupe, Dr. Huxtable!" and delivered Preston Michael Spears Federline into the world via C-section. But before we dive into a brief round-up, we need to discuss something: In nearly all accounts, the baby has been identified as a "boy." Given that the newborn will grow up in a highly unstable half-showbiz/half-background-dancing household, aren't we placing enormous, undue pressure on the tyke by assigning him a traditional gender identity at this early stage? Let's allow the poor child develop an identity of its own; young Preston has enough challenges ahead of him without the public's interference with his development. On to the round-up, where blogs celebrate the happy occasion:
· Does two shows a music round-up make? The Decemberists are back at the Henry Fonda; we imagine their crowd will probably not overlap too much with those on their way to see The John Mayer Trio at the House of Blues. But who knows, maybe there are some sorority girls who like indie rock pirate songs.
· Theater of a New Ear at UCLA's Royce Hall is what happens when Charlie Kaufman writes a radio play and invites actors like Hope Davis, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Meryl Streep to read it while accompanied by the music of Carter Burwell.
· J. Keith van Straaten's stage version of What's My Line? takes it usual Wednesday night bow at the Acme Comedy Theater. Last week's mystery guest was Weird Al, so who knows what strange celebrity wonders tonight may hold.
You know what we need to cleanse our palate of all of this Britney Spears baby nonsense? A tall, cold glass of political opinion poured from the pitcher of one of Hollywood's top agents. That's right, folks, Endeavor partner and Official Agent Dance Mascot Ari Emanuel, the man on whom Jeremy Piven's soon-to-be Emmy-winning character from Entourage is at least partly based, has once again dropped by Arianna Huffington's online cocktail party. Here's the beginning and the end of his post; feel free to extrapolate interpolate the middle:
With the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina fresh in everyone's minds, the producers of this Sunday's much-hyped Emmys are trying to balance fun with a sense of caring and compassion. After all, they've hired post-9/11 Emmy host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGe—-Hey! Chocolate walls! Chocolate! Fucking! Cocktail! Tables! YAAAAAAAY!
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in and authored by our binocular-clutching readers; send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line) and let the world know that Alec Baldwin will give you his autograph, even if you look like a stripper.
· After snatching away Thank You For Smoking from Paramount Classics and beating out Miramax for Trust the Man, Fox Searchlight has made the Toronto film festival its bitch. [Variety]
· The season premiere of Fox's House was Wednesday night's most-watched show. New series Bones also did well with the support of its breakout star, Emily Deschanel's outstanding rack. [THR]
· The paint is barely dry on Hong Kong Disneyland and the Mouse is already talking about opening another theme park next door. We know what you're thinking, Mr. Naysayer, but Hong Kong Adventure is totally gonna rock! [Variety]
· MTV plans to launch an HD channel in January to carry music-related content from its other channels—which they will then discontinue so that viewers can watch Real World cast members vomit on the sidewalk in front of a bar in thrilling high-definition. [THR]
· Warner Bros. chooses Constantine director-with-two-first-names Francis Lawrence to direct the now-fastracked I Am Legend, a property first put into development in 1799 and once involving the teams of Ridley Scott/Arnold Schwarzenegger and Michael Bay/Will Smith. Once a cast is set, Warner Bros. can safely delay the project indefinitely, giving a new generation of talent a chance to never make the movie. [Variety]
Olympic-level hotel phone-putter Russell Crowe might have bought off settled with the concierge on the receiving end of his infamous telephone love-tap for a reported six-figure sum, but that hasn't made his legal problems disappear. Crowe's legal team is trying to help the actor avoid the highly inconvenient, career-hampering jail time and other assorted problems a pesky assault conviction might carry:
To paraphrase the great Michael Corleone, we try to get out, but they keep slipping us back in. Egotastic's uncovered a fresh Lindsay Lohan nipple-slip, a now-rare occurrence that once seemed like a weekly event. [Ed.note—Good times, good times.] In our continuing mission of service to you, the breakaway areola-craving reader, we've subtly labeled the spot of the infraction; however, we realize that this image might not be appropriate for our pre-teen readers, so we've demurely covered up the area with a tiny picture of Lohan's long-retired cleavage. Clicking the picture will take you to the potentially NSFW photo, sickies.
Some eight months after welcoming Brad Grey into the family and issuing a State of the Studio memo to his employees declaring that everything was super great at the New Paramount, relentlessly upbeat Viacom co-president stood in front of a Merrill Lynch investor conference and officially upgraded his movie-making fiefdom to "the most exciting studio in town":
