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Feeling that it might seem too braggy to declare an exclusive throughout the universe (those unethical hacks from Tralfamadore will claim the scoop anyway), US Weekly giddily anoints itself the first to tell the world that Britney Spears's baby has a penis:

It's a boy! Us Weekly is the first media outlet in the world to report that Britney Spears gave birth shortly before 1 p.m. Wednesday at Santa Monica UCLA Medical Center, according to hospital sources. Us was there as Spears, 23, and husband/aspiring rapper Kevin Federline, 27, arrived at the hospital with a police escort shortly before 6 a.m. and medical staff whisked Spears into a birthing suite. According to hospital sources, Spears was wheeled into a delivery room about 12:15 p.m. and within minutes the first-time mother had delivered via C-section with Federline by her side. (A rep for Spears had no comment.)

We expect some kind of official statement shortly, in which Spears's flacks will confirm the birth, perhaps disclose its name, and deny initial reports that she's already expecting her second child.

UPDATE: Oh, right. The couple will probably forgo auctioning off the naming rights to an appropriate corporate sponsor (too bad, Johnnie Walker Black presents Baby Boy Spears Federline would've been too precious!) and go with Preston Michael Spears Federline. Gawker also has US Weekly's cover, if you can't wait to see it at Ralph's in a couple of days.