As we dry our tears, lick our wounds, and fashion as much of a ponyhawk as we can from our limited hair growth, we present to you a farewell to Sanjaya round-up:
· 28.2 million tuned in to watch Sanjaya tumble like an overturned bag of scrunchies into LaKisha's comforting bosom, unaware of the bright future that lies ahead as the world's most recognizable cosmetics and haircare endorser. [THR]
· 2007's all-new, non-slurring, tell-it-like-it-is model of Paula Abdul shows little signs of waterworks when she's asked about Sanjaya's future signing autographs last night outside Mr. Chow's. [TMZ]
· Exclusive! Sanjaya's (fake) Netflix queue offers a fascinating glimpse inside his rainbows-n'-unicorns-filled imagination. [DVD Dossier]

· Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington considerately spares the TV Academy the trouble of ignoring him come Emmy nomination time by withdrawing his name from awards consideration. His time in gayhab obviously taught him an important lesson about transparent expressions of publicist-encouraged humility. [Variety]
· More Speed Racer casting news we can't really get excited about: Matthew Fox is close to signing on to join the project as nemesis Racer X. [THR ]
· The lineup for the Cannes Film Festival is jam-packed with U.S. movies both in competition (with entries by Tarantino, David Fincher, and the Coen Brothers) and on the premiere schedule (Ocean's 13), giving the French ample opportunity to alternately boo American cultural imperialism and offer standing ovations inspired by the sight of George Clooney in a tuxedo. [Variety]
· Hitch and I Now Pronounce You Fake Gay Husbands, Now Punch Out That Guy Before Someone Thinks You're Really A Homo star Kevin James embraces his typecasting as a lovable schlub, entering negotiations to play an "average guy" who inherits some land that turns out to be its own country in One Nation Under Bob. [THR]
· Rumors are circulating that NBC might not renew the original Law & Order unless creator Dick Wolf figures out a way to fire his entire cast and produce each episode on a budget of $100 or less. [Variety]

In the interest of providing some closure for yesterday's controversy over the meaning of American Idol judge Simon Cowell's much-disputed eye-roll, we feel it's our responsibility to spotlight this follow-up clip from last night's broadcast, in which an entire segment was dedicated to exonerating Cowell of all charges of insensitivity levied against him by the sensationalist media. As anyone can clearly see in the pciture-in-picture replay [Ed.note—But where are the synchronized timecodes?] of the incident (the impatient can skip directly to the 2:48 mark), the innocent host was lost in conversation with the fascinating Paula Abdul and thereby unable to offer any outrage-inviting reactions to the contestant Chris Richardson's tribute to the Virgina Tech fallen.

Donald Trump has adopted a new hobby and immersed himself in it just like any man approaching his retirement years would, only instead of model trains or ship building, the combforwarded land baron has committed himself to becoming the greatest, classiest Rosie O'Donnell hater in the world. He hasn't publicly shared his thoughts on The View co-host in over a month (her admission that she suffers from depression led him to sensitively admit that he too would suffer from depression if he was trapped inside her frame), but that doesn't mean Trump hasn't been hard at work in his Mar-a-Lago basement readying his latest anti-Rosie mastepiece:

When last we encountered superproducer Brian Grazer. he was at the center of a media maelstrom resulting from his selfless desire to unscrew the top of his singularly coiffed head and share with the world an unobstructed view of the constantly churning works within through an ill-fated guest-editing stint on the LA Times Sunday Current section, but today's Var brings news that Grazer has quickly shaken off the scandal and gotten back to what he does best: finding material for Imagine Entertainment partner Ron Howard to chew up and regurgitate into a form easily digestible by the moviegoing masses. The just-announced project is a remake of 1970's Colossus: The Forbin Project, the tale of the government supercomputer controlling America's nuclear arsenal achieving malevolent sentience and plunging the world into chaos (think Wargames meets, um, Wargames), which Grazer plans to reimagine as a somewhat more personal narrative: His Colossus: The Spring Street Project will be the story of a revenge-obsessed Hollywood producer's cybernetically enhanced brain hacking into the mainframe of a major metropolitan newspaper and erasing its entire archives as payback for its refusal to publish some essays he solicited from some intellectual friends.

America, it seems, has spoken: Sanjaya Malakar, whose rendition of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me" rendered little girls completely paralyzed with tears of existential terror and whose final performance of "Something To Talk About" will likely drive Bonnie Raitt back to the bottle, will not be your next American Idol. At first, it may be difficult to watch this clip of Ryan Seacrest casting a tear-soaked Malakar out of Karaoke Eden, but know that his supreme sacrifice was for Idol's greater good: his dismissal represents the restoration of this grand competition's dignity, and with the distraction caused by the myriad conspiracy theories about the pitchy, pony-hawked incubus's continued success finally removed, it can again focus on its noble mission of deciding whether The Girl With No Neck, Bat Boy's Slightly More Handsome Older Brother, or The Guy Who's Hypnotized Simon Cowell Into Believing That Beat-Boxing Is Somehow Cool deserves to be temporarily installed atop the pop charts following the show's season finale.

· We know that we're unacceptably late to the Weng Weng party, but that's no reason not to share this new tribute video. [via BoingBoing]
· If the Cavemen thing doesn't work out, there's always The Ad Couple for ABC to fall back on.
· Valleywag rounds up the four comedy video sites you haven't laughed at yet. We knew that Funny Or Die backlash was coming.
· The Bible, starring Luke Perry as Judas.

Richard Gere clearly wasn't thinking about cultural improprieties when he playfully ravaged Bollywood hottie Shilpa Shetty at an AIDS rally in India recently, a bold gesture that led to public outrage, effegy-burnings, and—most shockingly of all—a serious egging of the New Delhi offices of the International Richard Gere Fan Club. Now, multiple lawsuits have been filed against both complicit parties:

Despite his defense team's clever attempt to soften accused murderer Phil Spector's image by disguising him as a well-known lesbian talk show host who's considered harmless by millions of Americans, it seems that some prospective jurors have already been poisoned against Spector by media coverage of the trial, a bias revealed in yesterday's jury selection proceedings. Reports the LAT:

· Music round-up: Ron Sexsmith at the Hotel Café; The Wreckers at the Roxy; Graig Markel at the Scene.
· Illustrator Mark Brown will sign The Gulps, his tragic tale about some fast-food-loving, TV-watching bunnies who are eventually brainwashed into adopting a lifestyle of exercise and health food, at Vroman's Bookstore.
· Outfest Wednesdays host a screening of Small Town Gay Bar at the Egyptian, a doc that's sure to make you appreciate having the Abbey just a five minute drive away, even if you're totally sick of the place.

While the cynical may have viewed Lindsay Lohan's recent stint as an outpatient at the Wonderland Center (motto: "Working Around The Busy Hollywood Schedule That Drove You To Drug Abuse In The First Place Since 1983") as nothing more than a thinly veiled image-reclamation field trip, the troubled actress seems to have nonetheless used her publicist-mandated drying-out time to come to some incredible revelations about her lifestyle, as Lohan tells Allure:

We dispatched Defamer Intern Kate and Photographer Steph to the Westwood W's White Space gallery last night to capture the opening party for photographer Mark Seliger's "In My Stairwell" exhibit of celebrity portraits. And while the many recognizable faces hanging on the walls may not have been in attendance, the Pollyanna in us couldn't help but instantly calculate that to mean more free sponsored cocktails for everyone else. Without further ado, then, we cordially invite you to to peruse our image gallery of the event.

Tired of having your daydreams of total Hollywood domination interrupted by a boss demanding that you immediately drop what you're doing to bring his prized cockapoo to the Chateau Marmutt for an emergency grooming, under pain of termination if that pampered pooch doesn't come back perfectly fluffed? If so, you need to spend some quality time on the Defamer Job Board hunting for a new gig, one free of the stale ritualistic humiliations you've learned to suffer through quietly in the name of career advancement. Take a glance at this week's highlights:

· CBS announces that Survivor's fifteenth (!) edition (tentative title: Survivor: Human Rights Violations) will shoot in China, which hopes that hosting an American reality TV series that's overstayed its welcome for ten seasons will somehow get people excited about the 2008 Beijing Olympics. [Variety]
· Mr. & Mrs. Smith writer Simon Kinberg has been brought on to overhaul the Ben Stiller/Tom Cruise project Hardy Men, hoping that the scribe will figure out a way to finally harness the duo's incredible comedic chemistry in a feature-length setting. [THR]
· AOL announces a slate of new, TV-style programming, offerings that are expected to immediately draw more viewers than the majority of NBC's primetime schedule. [Variety]
· Nearly 26 million Americans witnessed Simon Cowell do that thing with his eyes that has everyone so upset today, [THR]
· We'll have to check on this, but we think this story about the pitch (Inland Saints) Paramount bought for The Number 23 director Joel Schumacher, may have identified a totally new cinematic genre: "the supernatural urban drama." [Variety]

A Worth1000 Photoshop contest fielding posters for movies one letter off from their original titles turned up a surprisingly hilarious bounty of entries. Frustrated at having to single out just a few for special recognition, we eventually settled on the three above—000's abandoned CGI cliff bereft of even a single tumbling Persian, The Lives of Otters's voyeuristic glimpse into the world of marine mammals inhabiting a Cold War-era German zoo, and the mob/FBI game of trou-dropping cat-and-mouse known as The Depanted—but strongly suggest you peruse the entries yourself, lest you miss out on the one-sheet touting Marty McFly's adventure back to 18th century Germany to ensure nothing interferes with the composition of the Brandenburg concerti. Sure, they are good for a laugh, but don't be surprised if this "change one letter" approach doesn't soon overtake sequels and remakes as the preferred studio method of revisiting previously proven material.

Famously sympathetic and non-controversial American Idol judge Simon Cowell sought out on-air sparring partner Ryan Seacrest on his radio show this morning to explain an ill-timed eye-roll that some people—we'd never make that leap, of course—may have uncharitably interpreted as an exasperated dismissal of contestant Chris Richardson's expression of sympathy over Monday's horrific Virgina Tech massacre. Cowell claimed to not even have heard the remark to which he was allegedly reacting, so enthralled was he by reliably insightful co-host Paula Abdul's thoughts on Richardson's explanation of his intentional use of the nasally upper registers of his singing voice. We feel it's our responsibility to pass along the above clip of the incident, allowing you to form your own judgments about a controversy threatening to tear apart a grieving Nation.

Since yesterday's first wave of mainstream media stories attempting to unravel the mysteries of Will Ferrell viral video sensation The Landlord (e.g., "Who is that totally adorable, hilariously inebriated tyke? She's a star!" and "What combination of shadowy vanity production company and venture capital firm is behind this FunnyOrDie.com situation?"), the clip has surged from 2.5 million to nearly 5 million views on the new video sharing site alone. The ensuing onslaught of media requests seems to be keeping Ferrell cohort Adam McKay busy, who offered People an exclusive interview with The Landlord's Pearl The Drunken, Swearing, Rageoholic Baby:

In a savvy and lucrative media transaction that would have made her mother proud, 7-month-old Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern quietly arranged to sell the exclusive first photos of herself posing with recently adopted biological father Larry Birkhead to OK! magazine (pictured on the front page of today's NY Post, cooing adorably on his belly). In the interview, Birkhead shed some light on what originally drove a wedge between the two lovers (hint: it rhymes with "rugs"), as well as demonstrated an amazing capacity for forgiveness towards his babymomma-hogging nemesis, Howard K. Stern:

From time to time the news cycle offers up an event of such import and complexity that it can only be comprehended through the medium of musical theater. This week resident composer Ben Greenman examines the furor caused by Richard Gere's kiss with Shilpa Shetty. As Greenman discovered, the incident has already proved a fertile subject for Bollywood.

One year ago on this very day, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announced the birth of their first biological daughter, Suri Cruise, the truly miraculous physical manifestation of their awe-inspiring love and, perhaps more importantly, the proof of concept for the highly experimental baby-fabrication techniques that will one day allow the Church of Scientology's leading genetic engineers to populate an entire Celebrity Centre at the hub of a remote Pacific island colony with workers directly produced from Cruise's DNA.