Every so often, we like to share with our readers the PR-firm-supplied detritus that clutters our inbox, whether it's taken the form of publicist-penned dispatches from the front of the bloody Beverly Hills cupcake wars (by the way, has anyone heard from Orlando Bloom since his red velvet whacking?) or an opportunistic fast food chain's brazen attempts to exploit cheap houseband labor. Before the arrival earlier today of an e-mail that would forever change our lives for the better, we were completely unaware of StarStyle.com, the leading online destination for "getting the look" of your favorite television and movie characters. But now the scales have fallen from our eyes: Thanks to a press release pegged to the staggering opening weekend success of Knocked Up, we can now let the world know that if they visit StarStyle, they can easily replicate the fashion choices of the film's sexually irresponsible protagonists, assembling with a few mouse clicks a sassy ensemble that says, "I am out at this trendy Hollywood club to get wasted enough to let you fill me up with your slacker love child." Fun!

It's been a good run for Lionsgate marketing co-president and shock-artist-in-residence Tim Palen, whose groundbreaking work composing controversial Bijou-Phillips-beheading, Wienerdog-inverting (pictured), and director-dong-exposing imagery to promote the upcoming Hostel: Part II are getting exactly the kind of media attention the studio was surely hoping for, culminating in today's LAT story about his campaigns. But what makes selling a horror flick with an image of a naked Phillips toting her head around like a Prada purse any different than what the much-maligned Captivity crew (coincidentally, a movie also distributed by Lionsgate! Funny how that worked out.) did with their billboard tutorials on how to kidnap, torture, and execute Elisha Cuthbert? Palen explains to the Times::

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you overhead Jessica Alba politely decline the styling assistance of a fellow Coffee Bean patron.

Great news indeed for fans of CBS's Jericho: It seems burying a network in thousands of pounds of shelled peanuts delivered by suspiciously friendly-looking UPS workers is indeed an effective way of convincing shortsighted programming executives to reconsider their decisions to cancel low-rated nuclear war dramas. Reports TVGuide.com in a Jericho! Fan Resurrection! Exclusive!:

While the Defamer Job Board might not be of much use to, say, network heads who suddenly found themselves out of work around the Memorial Day weekend, it is a fine tool for assisting those underlings who lost their livelihoods in the ensuing purge with obtaining gainful employment. Rejoice, newly pinkslipped, for career salvation is at hand!

· Time Warner officially announces that interim CEO Bill Nelson will be permanently replacing the recently shitcanned Chris Albrecht, confident that their newly installed leader will keep himself free of PR-nightmare altercations at Vegas valet stands. [Variety]
· Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee will make her acting debut in the "indie dark romantic comedy" Last Caller, a part that will reportedly require no singing, and, hopefully, pave the way for the trashier roles that we've envisioned for her ever since her first cattle-call audition appearance. [THR]
· Universal president/COO Ron Meyer signs on for another five years running the company, extending his reign through 2012. Gushes boss Jeff Zucker, "He knows the business inside and out and has an incredible eye for talent, and inspires intense loyalty. He is a crucial part of NBC Universal's success, but I will not hesitate to feed him to the animatronic Jaws at the Universal Studios theme park if that becomes necessary for the advancement of my own career." [THR]
· Publicity-whoring magic rival David Blaine to issue press release calling Cameron Diaz's new boyfriend a "pussy" for not filling the Times Square death-box he just escaped from with water. [THR]
· The studios releasing this summer's fast-starting sequel blockbusters (Spidey/Pirates/Shrek 3) are finding that overseas audiences are much more tolerant of disappointing crap than their American counterparts. [Variety]

A Defamer operative who shall remain nameless so that he won't suffer the public humiliation of admitting that he was perusing the official ABC website for Desperate Housewives (which, much to our bafflement, continues to exist on the schedule despite its removal from our DVR season pass list three episodes into the second season—doesn't hitting the delete button send an immediate cancellation notice to Steve McPherson?) pointed us to this curiously blank "About" page, which seems to indicate that someone expects multiple Emmys are coming in mid-September. We suppose it's possible that the space is intended to recognize the show's former winners, but we prefer to think that its producers are boldly servicing notice to the hyberverbal bitches of Grey's Anatomy, who've been hogging the network spotlight for far too long.

No, it's not just you: Most news seems utterly besides the point lately, eclipsed by the fact that America's favorite socialite, Paris Hilton, is currently sitting behind bars, squandering some of the most prime weeks of her life. And for what? The DUI-probation-violating equivalent of having stolen a loaf of bread. We bring you a round-up of all things Prisoner Paris as she continues to pay her debt to society within the walls of Lynwood:
· Hollywood madam Jody "Babydol" Gibson, who's done hard time, warns us that Paris will emerge from from her experience a changed, hairier person, as all manner of tweezers, razors and hair-removal wax are forbidden in jail. Still, Paris is nothing if not resourceful, and it won't belong that she figures out that some table syrup, smuggled from the dining hall on Pancake Tuesdays and left for a few days in a sunny windowsill, should quickly congeal into an adequate depilatory substitute. [NY Daily News]
· Hilton lawyer Richard A. Hutton has visited Paris, and reports that she is doing well, but being kept away from the rest of the population in a solitary cell, from which she'll be permitted to emerge for one hour a day. "She's using this time to reflect on her life, to see what she can do to make the world better," he explained, before a bolt of lighting emerged out of the clear, blue sky and reduced him to a small pile of smoking ash. [Yahoo/AP]

It's been way too long since we've read a good story hinting at the unspeakable horrors that would inevitably follow a potential Writers Guild strike, but today's Variety piece on how a work stoppage will impact reality TV production has at least temporarily given us the testicle-retracting scare we've been craving. While Var says that it's "not necessarily the case" that a strike would good for the unscripted sector, it's impossible not to imagine the networks quickly devolving from the mere reality-riddled disappointments they currently are into full-blown, post-Apocalyptic, Mark-Burnett-controlled hellscapes in which nary a union writer credit will be found:

Page Six has positively identified former TRL and ET microphone-holder and current Nick Lachey sexual partner Vanessa Minnillo as Lindsay Lohan's semi-mysterious co-star in the indie cokesploitation drama Crazed Lohan Dices With Death, which premiered to critical acclaim in the UK's News of the World yesterday. Puzzlingly, Page Six concludes that the sporadically employed Minnillo "might have a hard time getting a new job because of the risqué party pictures," a statement that leads us to believe that they didn't even bother to view the photos before casting such a dim light on the host's career prospects. The aspiring actress clearly steals every scene she's in from her higher-billed, overrated castmate, whether playing the role of sultry victim or breast-stabbing villainess, demonstrating that she'd make a perfectly acceptable—and much more affordable—alternative to Lohan should the troubled starlet linger in Promises longer than the too-patient producers of Poor Things are willing to wait.

· Maybe we're just fatigued from too much Hilton coverage, but does it seem like E! gave Paris an airbrushed rack as a going away present? Bonus: A Simple Life mugshot face-off!
· Headline begging for a bad one-liner that we're too lazy to provide: Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources Say.
· We're pretty sure the reasons blogs were invented were to make sure it's as simple as possible to start an online feud with indie rockers who allegedly stole your basketball.
· Slow the Fuck Down, says angry Hancock Park sign-maker.
· LAist decries the inhumane conditions (i.e., exposure to Dane Cook) they were subjected to in the MTV Movie Awards Blogghetto.

TVWeek corralled just-installed NBC Entertainment co-chair Ben Silverman (pictured above enjoying himself in the general vicinity of soon-to-be sworn enemy Les Moonves of CBS) for a "getting to know you" chat, in which the recently anointed New Peacock Messiah reveals that while he has managed to chug the company's "Choke on Our Quality" Kool-Aid, his acceptance of the gig progressed so quickly that he hasn't yet had time to take care of certain details unimportant to taking the job, like watching all of the network's Fall pick-ups. Reports TV Week:

A Rosieless The View hasn't quite been the must-see daytime TV minefield of recent months, but even its gentler incarnation has something to offer viewers looking for their daily dose of ribald and uncensored yenta talk. (From what we hear—we can't really be bothered to tune in without the threat of Elisabeth Hasselbeck getting her face eaten off at any moment hanging over the proceedings.) According to ever-vigilant AfterElton.com, however, Joy Behar couldn't resist bringing up the topic of Hugh Jackman, to whom all signs point to Gay:

· Music round-up: Burning Brides at the Echo (free); Something for Rockets at the Viper Room; Jedi Mind Tricks at the Troubadour; Phantom Planet at the Roxy.
· The Central Library hosts a discussion between the LAT's Tim Rutten and Vanity Fair's Christopher Hitchens, whose recent God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything is stirring up nearly as much debate as his recent column on why he thinks women aren't funny.
· Louis CK, late of male-full-frontal-positive HBO sitcom Lucky Louie, visits Largo

All too often in Hollywood, the price of success is finding oneself named on a lawsuit by an aggrieved individual who feels that his or her own hard work on a story about, say, the dehumanizing effects of suburban Christmas-lighting competitions or about the so-deep-undercover-we-don't-know-which-way-is-up adventures of whitefaced African-American FBI agents has been unfairly appropriated by a studio hellbent on enriching themselves with ill-gotten material. According to a CBC report, Knocked Up's Judd Apatow could soon find himself sued by a Canadian journalist who feels that her personal tale of an unplanned pregnancy (detailed in the book Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother-to-be—a match!) was too closely mimicked by Seth Rogen's wacky, yet human-condition-illuminating, insemination of Katherine Heigl:

If transmogrifying musical icon Courtney Love often appears to have the temperament of someone who woke up on the wrong side of the bed—assuming she spent her last abrupt slide into unconsciousness in a bed at all—it only adds to her mystique. Still, it's one thing to watch your cherished guitar heroes mouthing off at the world from afar, but quite another when that turbulence is directed at you. That's exactly what happened to aa WOW Report staffer, who reports of his ego-shattering run-in with Love following her Friday night performance at the House of Blues:

Say what you will about Paris Hilton, but if the genius-level self-promoter had decided that the best way to attract some media attention was to get involved in a plot to blow up a major metropolitan airport, the evil scheme would not have been quite so easily foiled.

We apologize in advance for subjecting you to this image of leading Hollywood torture-pornographer/ turkeysploitation visionary Eli Roth, but we felt that today's combination of disturbing Lindsay Lohan and Brian Grazer imagery, while certainly distressing on its own, probably wouldn't leave any lasting psychological scars. We are, however, giving the squeamish the opportunity to go no further and avoid the soul-chilling shock of discovering what lies beneath that Hostel: Part II logo by continuing on to this (very, very NSFW) post on NY Mag's Vulture blog, but here's a hint for those who haven't figured it out already: the altered photo is from a two-page spread entitled Eli Roth Has the Biggest Dick in Hollywood, from a book on the marketing of horror films by Lionsgate executive Tim Palen. Happy Monday!

A trio of celebrated jackasses—tireless celebrities' rights activist Jimmy Kimmel, noted anaconda ball-pit wrestler Johnny Knoxville, and Adam Carolla—are being sued for $10 million by the starring dupe of the Comedy Central movie Windy City Heat. (For the uninitiated, Heat was an elaborate practical joke, in which the gullible Caravello is made to believe that he won the lead in a movie about "sports private eye Stony Fury," which might have played funnier if he didn't, as one prominent physician observed, appear to be suffering from moderate-to-severe brain damage.) Reports the AP:

· Local comedy monopolist Judd Apatow continues to integrate the industry's mirth-making entities into his rapidly expanding humor-producing conglomerate, collaborating with Jack Black, Knocked Up's Harold Ramis, Superbad's Michael Cera, and an Office writing team on Year One for Columbia. [Variety]
· The dust is finally starting to settle at a post-Albrechtgate HBO, with "longtime Albrecht right-hand man" Michael Lombardo reportedly being promoted to a new job overseeing all west coast operations. [THR]
· Jim Carrey will star in the dark comedy I Love You Phillip Morris (by Bad Santa's Glenn Ficarra and John Requa), an idea pitched as Catch Me if You Can meets Brokeback Mountain. There is no direct Judd Apatow involvement that we can discern, a fact that could doom the promising project to eventual turnaround. [Variety]
· Imagine superproducer Brian Grazer's unparalleled Bacon-attaching skills lead to ubiquitous actor Kevin joining the cast of Frost/Nixon, the big-screen adaptation of the Peter Morgan play. [THR]
· The U.S. 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals throws out the FCC's "capricious" rulings against Fox over Cher saying "fuck" and Nicole Richie "shit" during broadcasts of the 2002 and 2003 Billboard Music Awards, a landmark decision that reaffirms an awards show presenter's right to "accidentally" swear on live TV. [Variety]