· Look! Lindsay's enabling, fame-craving mom is literally riding around on her daughter's back now!
· No matter how that Emmy situation shakes out, Showtime can be happy it at least landed three members of the The L Word's cast in the top ten of AfterEllen's Hot 100 list of lesbian lust objects.
· Completely unsubstantiated rumor: Nicole Richie's reproductive system functioning against all odds.
· You should really be ashamed at yourselves for looking at photos of Maggie Gyllenhaal breastfeeding. Sickies, all of you.

It's been eerily quiet in the area around 2000 Avenue of the Stars of late, a prolonged silence that seems to have neighbors a little paranoid that the CAA Death Star's outward inactivity is intended to mask the imminent unleashing of whatever sinister attack we know the evil agenting monolith is preparing within. (Couldn't they dump enormous vats of surplus baby blood into the nearby streets once in a while, just to break the tension?) Writes an operative, slicked with the sweat of fear:

For Jericho fans anxiously awaiting confirmation of the rumors that their grassroots campaign to save the series had actually worked, today comes official word from on high: This morning, a tiny, white flag poked out of the gargantuan mound of peanuts that currently stands where CBS headquarters used to be. It was waved weakly (there was precious little oxygen for the executives trapped beneath to breath), and was followed by a rolled-up sheet of CBS letterhead, which eventually landed with a bounce at the feet of the small army of chanting Jericho activists hoisting placards at its base. This is what it read:

For those of you who prefer to live in the recent past, peering wistfully over your shoulders at the halcyon days when a neon-bethonged Kazakh reporter delighted audiences with his naïve take on sister-pimping and fist-shaped dildo usage, we bring to you news of yet more Borat-related litigiousness. No, not even the movie's Fleeing, Freaked-Out New York City Guy was able to find the humor in his brief but memorable cameo, as his somewhat late-to-the-party lawsuit outlines. Reports The Smoking Gun:

· Music Round-Up; Lindsay Buckingham at the House of Blues; The Front at the Troubadour; Flash Hawk Parlor Ensemble (with Chris Funk & Jenny Conlee of the Decemberists) at Spaceland.
· The American Cinematheque presents the 1975 WWII drama Overlord at the Aero Theatre, with a discussion with director Stuart Cooper to follow.
· Actress Actress Alex Borstein and writer Cherry Chevapravatdumrong sign Family Guy: It Takes a Village Idiot and I Married One at Borders in Westwood; meanwhile, Chris Salewicz reads from Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer at the Echo.

If you need an example of how desperate networks become during awards season, look no further than today's For Your Consideration ad for The L Word (click above for the full version), in which Showtime demonstrates it craves Emmy legitimacy so badly that it's conspicuously de-emphasizing the show's lesbian spirit in a transparent, misguided attempt to increase its appeal to voters. Even worse than the cynicism behind this strike at the program's Sapphic core is that the ploy could easily backfire, driving away viewers who fear that Showtime has suddenly removed all the hot-girl-on-even-hotter-girl action that made the show popular in the first place.

Apparently, there was some confusion earlier today concerning whether or not special-needs-cellblock socialite Paris Hilton was able to bypass a "humiliating" intake body cavity search upon her arrival at Century, the hottest celebrity-incarceration destination in Lynwood. While a NY Post report claimed that Hilton's potentially weapons-concealing nether-regions went unsearched, local detention facility watchdog organization TMZ can now exclusively confirm that the heiress's privileged cavities were not afforded any special treatment; fortunately, despite the thorough probing, the miniature recording devices TMZ implanted deep within Hilton during a recent Hyde blackout were not discovered, allowing the site to continue compiling its suspiciously detailed prison diary features without interruption.

Early celebrity sex tape innovator Rob Lowe once again finds himself at the center of unwelcome controversy, as a well-intentioned round of golf at the Principal Charity Classic Pro-Am in Des Moines has resulted in the the Brothers and Sisters star committing unpremeditated goldfinchicide. His shot struck and killed not just a bird, but the state bird of Iowa:

It is with great corporate-sibling pride that we announce the relaunch of Gridskipper, our "decadent urban travel guide" sister site, which has just rolled out a number of features that will assist you, the Los Angeles-based libertine whose substance abuse problem has not yet slipped from the "She's so fun!" to the "She just puked in my closet and stole all my clothes!" stage, in the pursuit of your after-hours hobbies. Gridskipper's gone map-happy, reorienting nearly all of its posts around interactive maps that will more efficiently direct you towards the happy hour, smoking haven, or coke bar of your drug-addled dreams. And should you ever make the grievous mistake of leaving the greater L.A. area, many other fine cities are covered as well. Drop by and give the new toys a whirl.

· Despite Fox's attempts to boost the struggling On the Lot's fortunes by editing the show into a more compact, once-a-week, we-will-give-five-dollars-to-anyone- who-can-explain-what-the-fuck- is-going-on-at-any-given-moment format, the show draws just 3.1 million viewers in what we assume will be one of its last airings. We did, however, enjoy Michael Bay's guest judge appearance, during which he repeatedly shared his moviemaking philosophy of "get a good editor and cinematographer and they'll cover for your lack of talent," then seemed barely able to restrain himself from hitting on the director of his favorite film. [THR]
· Shadowy Hollywood Foreign Press puppetmaster Phillip Berk is replaced by five-time president Jorge Camara, who assumes the important tasks of coordinating his organization's locust-like decimation of the industry's free buffets and the handing out of meaningless awards to shitfaced actors. [Variety]
· The Agent Dance Mini Edition: UTA poaches agent Sarah Clossey from Paradigm, potentially absorbing a middling client list that includes Amanda Peet's Shouty NBS Boss and The One Jim Could Never Love As Much As Pam. [THR]
· Peter O'Toole joins the cast of Showtime's The Tudors for seven episodes as Pope Paul III, a performance that's preemptively been nominated for an Emmy. [Variety]
· Judd Apatow Comedy HegemonyWatch: The Apatow-produced, Seth Rogen-starring Pineapple Express is given a summer '08 release date following the success of Knocked Up. [Variety]

Grey's Anatomy's T.R. Knight, who reluctantly found himself the face of a new generation of TV actors forced to openly acknowledge their sexuality after a meanie co-star with a toilet mouth and nasty temper called them a bad word during a Hollywood workplace fracas, has stated that he was in the dark regarding his fate on the show. Similarly, gayhabbed nemesis Isaiah Washington—recent star of his very own "don't call people epithets, it hurts their feelings" PSA—was also questioning whether his services would again be required at Seattle Grace, especially after the season-ending cliffhanger had him skipping town. Cast members have recently said they were confident everyone would return—something EW.com confirms today through a well-placed source:

Today's LAT story chronicling how a lawsuit over the Mike White film Year of the Dog filed by onetime pal Laura Kightlinger has irreversibly damaged their relationship is just the latest reminder that the soul-devouring entertainment industry eventually gobbles up even the strongest of Hollywood friendships, sparing not even the bonds between formerly struggling, Jack Black-adjacent writer/performers who self-identify as borderline obsessive animal lovers. At issue: Kightlinger claims that the crazy-cat-lady script she once gave to White was appropriated for his recently released crazy-dog-lady movie, an accusation that's led to a breach of implied contract suit, waking nightmares, and nasty recriminations in the pages of their hometown paper. Report the Times:

On Memorial Day, Oscar-winner and Horatio Sanz's onetime gay-cruising partner Cuba Gooding Jr. had pulled up to Roscoe's House of Chicken n Waffles on Gower to pick up some deep-fried dinner for the family. What followed, reports Gatecrasher, was an astounding act of celebrity selflessness, as a quick-thinking Cuba leaped to the aid of a young gunshot victim:

The recent announcement that Warner Bros. would be resurrecting He-Man for yet another big-screen adaptation stirred little in us, other than a vague feeling that our childhood had once again been diddled by a studio desperate for ideas and mild disappointment that they hadn't chosen the relatively underexploited, vastly superior Thundercats for their 80s cartoon revival project. Imagine, then, the mixture of delight and fear we experienced upon reading in today's Var that Warners has optioned a script that could one day result in Lion-O, Panthro, Cheetara (inevitably to be played by Brandon Routh, Michael Clark Duncan, and Elisha Cuthbert) and their mutant-feline clan battling Mumm-Ra (Kevin Spacey, cashing an easy paycheck) at your local multiplex. But as Dolph Lundren's beloved Masters movie has set the creative bar dauntingly high for the new He-Man project, the successful development of Thundercats faces its own challenge, as the cartoon has already received a live-action treatment that arguably obviates the need for further updates. A clip of this visionary masterwork follows after the jump:

Last night's edition of brain-smoothing dinnertime celebrity newsmagazine Extra offered up a crazy-flavored appetizer for the upcoming Bravo reality series, Hey, Paula!!!, in which the American Idol judge unscrews the top of her head and allows the world an opportunity to climb inside and stroll around the church-parking-lot-quality carnival that is her mind. The brief clip reveals little, but now we do know this: her "best friend" is her stylist (always a sign that a famous person has disengaged from reality), there are many fluffy dogs—some of which will defecate on camera—underfoot to provide believable excuses for medication-induced mishaps, and we will get some glimpses of the Idol-related "exhaustion" incidents that are the reason the show exists in the first place. Unfortunately, we have to wait until late June before the star can officially welcome us into her home, a greeting that we expect will be followed by Abdul handing us a shopping bag full of half-empty prescription-pill bottles and urging us to makes ourselves at home.

· Can't three Hollywood buddies pose for some photos on their knees without people taking cheap shots at the nature of their friendship anymore?
· That's right, ladies: Larry David is back on the market. And as for the guys, Laurie David's got to be worth at least $100 million (assuming Larry didn't have her sign a Massey prenup), so bone up on your environmentally savvy pick-up lines (the one about checking out the back seat of your Prius is a classic) and get to work.
· E! Online details the hidden dangers of your innocent searches for photos of Britney Spears' vagina.
· Though he finds Judd Apatow cuddly, Peter Bart isn't buying the Knocked Up hype. Is the cantankerous Var chief's heart made of stone?

• One of these men just ate 18 donuts... [LAist]

Continuing our recent series of late afternoon posts about "Getting to Know You" stories involving new NBC head-rock-star-in-charge Ben Silverman, we turn our attention to today's Kim Masters Slate piece on the party-positive network chief, who already seems to have intuited that he may have to abandon his plans to end each successful staff meeting with a round of tequila body shots if he wants to keep his corporate bosses off his back:

Fallen actor and methamphetamine enthusiast Tom Sizemore—who often finds himself surveying the Hollywood junkie landscape around him and wondering where all the real men have gone—has turned himself in to authorities after an L.A. County judge issued a bench warrant for his arrest:

· Music round-up: An evening with Susanne Vega at the Hotel Café; mewithoutYou at the El Rey; Richard Thompson for free at Amoeba.
· The AFI Directors screening series at the Arclight offers up EAGLE VS SHARK, an indie comedy whose description as a "quirky romance of two awkward misfits" mercifully does not invoke Napoleon Dynamite. A Q&A will follow with writer/director Taika Waititi and actress Loren Horsley.
· Larry Doyle signs and discusses his debut novel, I Love You Beth Cooper, at Book Soup.