What the central "pig on a pedestal" metaphor of the Discover Channel's anti-celebrity-worship ad campaign for Dirty Jobs lacks in subtlety, it certainly makes up in its essential truth: E! has just announced it's signed both the pig and the pedestal for a six-episode reality series; the exact concept is still TBD, but it's believed they'll be sending the charismatic duo to be counselors at a fat camp. [Copyranter]
We'll get this out quickly, because time is of the essence: In just a few minutes, Steve Wonder will be performing in the courtyard outside CAA's Century City Death Star, a concert celebrating both the announcement of a new tour and the evil agenting monolith that will stop at nothing in the ruthless promotion of his show business interests. From an internal e-mail touting the surprise show:
Brace yourselves for heartbreak, because Al Qaeda may be targeting one of our proudest national treasures: deranged, pooper-scooping love clown Bobby Brown. Osama Bin Laden once allegedly wanted to rip off Bobby's infidel wang and stab him in the heart with it for daring to possess his fondest lady love, Whitney Houston; aware of the powerful hold Houston's doodie-bubbles can have over a man, the divorced Brown is apparently convinced he's still Enemy No. 1 and has beefed up security on his Australian tour, according to Rush & Molloy:
OK, so maybe your first attempt at an on-camera gig didn't so well, and you suspect that your bosses might be quietly looking for someone else for the job. Better to hit the Defamer Job Board and line up some career insurance than find yourself blindsided by the new girl sitting in your seat on Monday morning.
· The NFL gets into the movie business, opting to launch their new endeavor with a biopic of Green Bay Packers coaching Vince Lombardi over the more timely, image-rehabilitating comedy Michael Vick's Obedience School. [Variety]
· Didn't it seem inevitable that Simon Cowell would expand his karaoke-based empire into films? He'll produce Star Struck, a Fame-inspired musical project about contestants on an American Idol-like singing competition. [THR]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Comic Book Vigilantism Edition: Lionsgate will "overhaul" The Punisher for yet another big-screen adaptation, futilely trying to improve upon the yeoman work turned in by Dolph Lundgren and Thomas Jane in previous film versions. [Variety]
· TV viewers desperate for even the most modest levels of entertainment give Fox a Wednesday night win by tuning in to So You Think You Can Dance and Don't Forget the Lyrics. [THR]
· Not to be outdone by the NFL's showbiz ambitions, AMC and former Laker Rick Fox (he was so good on One Tree Hill! And the hot tub/dildo scene in Dirt!) are developing a series about basketball players. [Variety]
Even though letting your dog befoul a couture dress while you urinate in public and trying to whiten your toddler's teeth are obviously ideal for their famous "Stars! They're Just Like Us!" feature, the concerned folks at Us Weekly have dared to suggest that maybe, just maybe, such behavior indicates that something might be wrong with Britney Spears.
With a mere eight days until the opening of Rush Hour 3, we have perhaps no more than three or four dozen more opportunities to discuss the life and work of visionary filmmaker Brett Ratner, a man whose legacy will live on long after the pyramids have crumbled to dust. This morning's bounty of Ratneria requires that we bullet-point up the highlights:
Unfortunately for Miller and unknown to the crew, her IFB failed before she began speaking with Hunter. Another host might have known to alert the crew about the problem and delay the interview while the technical issues were worked out, but the inexperienced Miller gamely tried to speak with Hunter without hearing her responses.
This morning, Nicole Richie turned up on Good Morning America to chat with celebrity confessor Diane Sawyer about the new life growing in her womb and the old chemicals circulating in her bloodstream on the night of her DUI arrest, an obvious attempt to salvage her chances at landing future sidekick gigs alongside recently reformed, God-fearing pal Paris Hilton.
Watch out, Randi Jayne. Hollywood actor Sean Hayes is moving in on your nerd-chic musical territory. Earlier this week, Hayes joined a reading of "Nerds://A Musical Software Satire." Unlike the work of Jayne, however, the Facebook employee and sister of CEO Mark Zuckerberg, "Nerds" is far from Techmeme-current. Instead, the musical explores the decades-old rivalry of Microsoft chairman Bill Gates and Apple CEO Steve Jobs. As such, it's unlikely to draw much of an audience in the Valley, to whom the story's all too familiar, and old. But the names of Gates and Jobs may just be familiar enough to draw in the the Midwestern tourists who fill Broadway's seats, and Hayes's star power won't hurt. Here's an idea for the producers to draw Silicon Valley fans: Cast the petite but sparky Jayne as diminutive venture capitalist Ann Winblad, Gates's ex-girlfriend and occasional vacation companion.
It looks like the sluggish fist of justice is finally inching closer to coming down on R. Kelly. Proceedings about those five-year old child-pornography charges, the filing of which prompted this deeply sensitive, profound artiste to release a single entitled "Heaven I Need A Hug," at last have a start date:
If Kirk Cameron ever worried about being the child actor that time forgot, he needn't have: Thanks to those Internets the kids are raving about, Kirk will live in our hearts forever through parodies — here, The Bourne Again Ultimatum — that remind us forever what a nutjob he became. Oh, but if anyone finds his missing rapture ticket, please return it. That thing's non-refundable.
· Music round-up: The Swell Season at the El Rey; The Format at Avalon; Mims at the Key Club.
· Filter magazine hosts a Hammer Museum screening of Inland Empire, to be followed by a Q&A with director David Lynch.
· Writer Kristin Gore, daughter of Oscar-winner Al and a former Futurama staffer, signs new novel Sammy's House at Vroman's.
Even though each Wednesday morning ratings report returns results so low that Fox executives periodically call up Nielsen to make sure they haven't mistakenly swapped their show's numbers with those of a Telemundo infomercial for a local used car dealership, On The Lot continues on against all odds, with each first-run episode awing us anew with Steven Spielberg's power to keep the work of his fledgling auteurs on the air. For some strange reason, we incorrectly believed that the entire series was already in the can (maybe we were made a little suspicious by the fact that the show's format seemed to change every week without explanation?), but as revealed by a current casting notice just forwarded to us, they're still busy trying to fill rolls in the mini-productions that will one day earn begrudging, qualified praise from Carrie Fisher. The notice follows after the jump, but be warned: spoilers abound.
Today brings potentially bad news for Transformers director Michael Bay, who last week was so memorably dragged into the legal clusterfuck that is the Phil Spector trial by a star witness named after a popular seasonal dessert. Apparently, Bay's previous telephone testimony won't be enough, and he'll soon be forced to take the witness stand to explain how he never blew off Lana Clarkson at a party, sending her into a depressive spiral that caused her to take her own life. Reports Court TV's Spector trial blog:
Something we've been wondering to ourselves ever since we first heard one of their radio ads: Does adultery-positive dating site AshleyMadison.com have any association with James Woods' much younger girlfriend, or is the name just a happy coincidence? We're honestly curious. That is all. [LA Observed]
Because no move at The View could possibly be official unless seconded (and thirded) by the two screeching ass-pains that used to chew the scenery there, Entertainment Tonight made sure not to let news of Whoopi's hiring pass without comment from Rosie O'Donnell and Star Jones. ET's web site reports the following staggeringly predictable show of support:
