Bizarre bin Laden Love Triangle May Yet Be The Death Of Bobby Brown
Brace yourselves for heartbreak, because Al Qaeda may be targeting one of our proudest national treasures: deranged, pooper-scooping love clown Bobby Brown. Osama Bin Laden once allegedly wanted to rip off Bobby's infidel wang and stab him in the heart with it for daring to possess his fondest lady love, Whitney Houston; aware of the powerful hold Houston's doodie-bubbles can have over a man, the divorced Brown is apparently convinced he's still Enemy No. 1 and has beefed up security on his Australian tour, according to Rush & Molloy:
Brown said in Melbourne: "I figure if Bin Laden wants me, and everybody is looking for him, it probably won't happen. But if he wants to try and find me for something so stupid, he can do what he wants. I have to leave it in the hands of my higher power.
"Come on, if anybody [else was] threatened by Al Qaeda, they'd take it seriously."
Ticketbuyers didn't and showed up, but they didn't take Brown seriously, either.
The singer took off his shirt at one point "unveiling his sweaty, abdominally challenged torso [and mysteriously wet crotch]" and the audience screamed with laughter, but were dead silent when he tried to get them to do a "call and response," wrote one reviewer in the Herald Sun.
It's a perfect storm of soap opera cliches: a woman and two men, one of whom is frequently presumed dead and then presumed alive again; kinky intimate practices; divorce; bigamy; the threat of a beheading; and of course incontinence. Hopefully the self-proclaimed World's Greatest Entertainer's livelihood won't be threatened by these fear-induced bladder seizures, although ripping off his shirt cleverly makes him more aerodynamic in the event that he must flee suddenly on foot.
