We know that you're probably attached to your lifestyle of sitting at Starbucks, surfing the web all day, and collecting unemployment checks. But when that precious government handout runs out, you're going to need a new place to drink your coffee and read your blogs. And that's when you'll turn to the Defamer Job Board.
· Don Imus earns a multi-million dollar windfall for calling the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos." Nicely played, CBS! [Variety]
· Disney adds Bernie Mac to a magical Old Dogs cast that already includes John Travolta and Robin Williams; Mac will play the part of the take-no-shit character that glowers out from the one-sheet as his harried co-stars are run ragged by the 7-year-old twins they have no idea how to care for. [THR]
· Rosario Dawson hitches her wagon to Shia Labeouf's quickly rising star, signing on for the DreamWorks thriller Eagle Eye. [Variety]
· Fox's late-summer crap (the Hell's Kitchen finale and a new episode of So You Think You Can Dance) easily wins Monday night against other network's rerun garbage. [THR]
· NBC cordially invites the loyal viewers of Today to choke on a new, fourth hour of their beloved morning chatfest. [Variety]
In their ongoing efforts to elicit sworn statements from the innermost elements of Britney Spears's entourage, K-Fed's lawyers have now followed up their subpoena of assistant Alli Sims—who for the past two days has been spotted around town waving a pair of tightly clenched fists and insisting to bewildered passersby how she "still hasn't touched it!"—with one served last night to her Director of Fumbled-Baby-Catching Services. From the People.com report:
Once CBS chief Nina Tassler used her platform at the TCA's to clarify that the "creative differences" that drove Mandy Patinkin to bolt Criminal Minds were more of the "personal issues" nature (to her credit, she refrained from pandering to the assembled critics by making comically exaggerated cuckoo noises and twirling a finger around her temple), we thought our PatinkinWatch feature had seen its last update. But this morning, TVGuide.com puts the actor back on our radar, reporting that he'll return to the Minds set to make a final appearance in a single, closure-providing scene:
"Wanted to make sure you had information about the news today regarding "Live with Regis and Kelly" —- the top-rated talk show will celebrate its 20th season beginning September 3rd, culminating in an hour-long retrospective on September 14th with special guest Kathie Lee Gifford (please find the press release pasted below). We hope you will include a mention of the special programming in an upcoming column. Please let feel free to contact me for further information, artwork or for anything else you may need."
Bad news today for fans of foul-mouthed patriarchs of dysfunctional surfing dynastys who suddenly find themselves periodically levitating upon the arrival of a simple, Christlike drifter in their lives: HBO has canceled John from Cincinnati, the network's baffling first attempt at filling the void left by The Sopranos. Devotees of series creator David Milch will be happy to learn that HBO is trying to extend its development deal with the writer, whom they hope will have more luck transplanting the relentless, operatic profanity of previous hit Deadwood to another series, possibly one set in a group home for sufferers of Tourette's Syndrome.
Believe it or not, there are people in the world so miserly of spirit that they refuse to believe that Paris Hilton's jailhouse conversion from tabloid monster that drew its superhuman, fame-whoring strength from the flickering light of paparazzi flashbulbs to a God-fearing, puppy cuddling, cancer-kid-hair-tousling saint may be less than genuine. Today's Page Six examines the theory that the sudden dearth of video footage of Hilton being dragged from her ankles from Hyde's back door and deposited in the trunk of a waiting Bentley is due to Sitrick & Company coming into her life, the crisis management firm she's retained to scrub up her post-Lynwood image:
With his role on the most important TV drama in the history of the medium wrapped and nothing to look forward to but months of frustrating phonecalls in which his agents begs him to do "just one more leather daddy mobster part, for old time's sake. Ya gotta eat!," one can hardly blame former Sopranos star Joseph "Gay Vito" Gannascoli for trying to pick up some money on the side by capitalizing on his iconic character. GLAAD, however, isn't too happy about a product he's chosen to endorse: the "Cue To Die For" pool stick, a must-have memento for any fan who wants to relive Vito's fatal bludgeoning and sodomy each time he chalks up before a tough shot. Reports TV Week:
An arbitrator officially sets Ed Limato free from ICM, a ruling that will allow him to take his old clients (Mel! Denzel! Gere! Steve! Liam!) with him as he searches for any new agency willing to foot the bill for his services and his fancy Oscar parties. Somewhere in Century City, a bartender is setting up a round of fresh babytinis on the house to celebrate his emancipation. [Variety]
American Idol-"inspired" off-Broadway production Idol: The Muscial proves somewhat less popular that its TV counterpart, shutting down after one show; think of the quick hook as the rough equivalent of Simon Cowell throwing a contestant out of a cattle-call audition room upon hearing the first off-key note of their rendition of "Don't Cha" and telling them, "And say hello to Sanjaya for me when you see him on the breadline." [Reuters]
We've only just begun to recover from posting a shattering clip from A&E's The Two Coreys, in which Corey Haim learns from best friend Corey Feldman that his services would not be required in a direct-to-video Lost Boys sequel. (We have found some comfort from an internet rumor suggesting differently.) Still, life goes on for the best friends and fallen teen idols: In the above sequence—which, like the best documentary filmmaking, barely hints at the cameras lurking just inches away—Haim accidentally stumbles into Feldman's full-clothed lovemaking session with his wife. It's but the latest canned humiliation in what will surely be a string of many to come for the star of Lucas—and one that, God help us, makes us long for the charisma and credibility of A&E's former reality stooges, the Sons of Hollywood.
Upon seeing the bile-spewing, assistant-firing, OCD-fueled "monster" captured by Bravo's unblinking TV cameras, Flipping Out star Jeff Lewis had something of an epiphany: Holy crap, I really was that guy with the screaming and the cat psychics and the 70 percent lemonade/20 percent punch/10 percent Sprite drink orders, wasn't I? Rather than blame the network's editors for making him into the most watchable reality TV star in recent memory, Lewis did the unthinkable: he apologized to his abused employees. [Ed.note—Audible gasp!] He tells the OC Register:
· Music round-up: Low vs. Diamond at Spaceland (for free); Fountains of Wayne open for Squeeze at the Greek; Gliss at the Viper Room.
· Morgan Murphy and Nick Swardson headline an enchanting evening of stand-up-style Comedy at Largo, where a host of other Comedians whose names are being temporarily withheld shall be joining them.
· This event sounds so cutting-edge cool that we can hardly understand it, but yet we still feel compelled to pass it along: The Standard Hotel's new Standard Monday series hosts a release party for Japanese pop artist Narumi Ogawa's new book, Mr. Funky Super Crochet Wonderful. There will also be music.
Spielberg and company have dropped another Indy 4 crumb for their starving fans through the movie's official website, but there's not much exciting in the new video dispatch; about the only interesting thing is how well Karen Allen seems to have held up. Still, we're skeptical about the image: who knows what George Lucas had his ILM people do to her? For all we know, the Marion role is going to be played by a completely computer-generated version imported frame-by-frame from the first film. [IndianaJones.com]
And at the next custody hearing, Federline will also brag to the judge about the childproof lids he installed on each of his bongs, a measure their irresponsible mom has yet to adopt: "'The house is child-proof, except for the recording studio,' Kevin's friend, who visits Kevin and the kids at his home, told 24Sizzler.com Monday afternoon. 'There are gates at the top of the stairs [to prevent children from going down the stairs], the plugs are covered. All of that stuff is in the house.'" [24Sizzler]
Poised on the precipice of his own breakout moment, Jonah Hill (née Jonah Hill Feldstein) may seem at first to merely be the latest manifestation of Hollywood's current love affair with doughy and nonthreatening Semitic writer/actor/comedians. Leave it to the stack-delving snoops at The Smoking Gun, then, to uncover Hill's checkered past, as it turns out the Superbad star was arrested last year for relieving himself just a urine's-stream away from the Jimmy Kimmel Live studios:
Knowing that no matter how many times we watched Bea Arthur scold those kids on Friday, our renewed lust for all things Golden Girls-related could not possibly be sated by just a single video clip, we dispatched Defamer Partywatcher Ann and photographer Amy Rodrigue to the World of Wonder gallery in Hollywood to the Saturday night opening of "Golden Gals Gone Wild," the "first art exhibition devoted to erotic depictions" of Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and perhaps most distressingly, Sophia. (Don't fret if you didn't make the launch—the show is running for four weeks, giving you plenty of time to ogle their gilded goodies.) Our photo gallery of the event is here, and a brief report follows after the jump:
As Britney Spears' and K-Fed's toddlers are reduced to sending desperate S.O.S. notes to celebrity glossies via the carrier pigeons who have become their only friends and lifelines while encased in a chicken-wire prison in their mother's home, their quarreling parents continue to up the ante in the messy and contentious battle over who'll win the right to neglect the children full-time. In the latest development, K-Fed's lawyers served Spears' cousin and assistant Alli Sims with a subpoena to testify at the divorce hearings. (Watch the electrifying serving of the legal document in question here.) Federline's lawyer wouldn't offer details, saying only that Sims was "believed to have relevant information" regarding the case. Since this was the very same Alli Sims who reportedly sat back and did nothing as Britney shockingly tossed back glasses of post-rehab sake and wine, and more recently held a front-row seat to Britney's erratic OK!-photo-shoot transgressions, who better, then, to testify at Tuesday's custody hearing how the singer has been neglecting her kids in favor of cherished new family addition: couture-despoiling rat-dog, London?
