We're happy to report that Lucky and Flo, the two bacon-lovingest detectives in all of the MPAA, have nearly completed their Malaysian tour of duty, during which they uncovered millions of dollars worth of counterfeit DVDs while successfully evading the bounty hunters who sought to deliver their doggie heads on a plate. Unlike their annoying, Jason Lee-voiced big screen counterpart, however, these canine heroes are every bit the real deal, and the Malaysian government is throwing them a ceremony to show their gratitude:

According to Hollywood Today, NBC Universal has tossed Desperate Housewives from its primary soundstage on the Universal lot, which they plan to convert into a new theater and office building that may or may not eventually house The Tonight Show. Apparently, anointed Jay Leno successor Conan O'Brien was touring the potential facilities yesterday, trying to ignore the anguished wailing of Teri Hatcher, whom the Housewives had "mistakenly" left behind after she handcuffed herself to a catwalk in protest of the unwelcome move. Reports HT on the shuffle:

Be warned, unauthorized apparel makers who'd like to place Dirty Dancing's famous "Nobody puts baby in a corner!" line on a cute t-shirt, for Lionsgate will sue you back to 1987 for trademark infringement. However, the studio has yet to file a suit over the use of the film's other signature line, "Just put your pickle on everybody's plate, college boy, and leave the hard stuff to me," which has appeared in countless works of pornography since the movie's release. [THR ESQ]

In a recent interview, The Brave One star Jodie "Without a Y" Foster was tenderly prodded by More magazine about her long-rumored, but never outwardly acknowledged, personal leanings. (If you're still in the dark as to what is we're talking about, perhaps Out's cover story "The Glass Closet," or her ranking as #43 on a list of Hollywood Power-Gays, can provide further insight.) After the reporter inquired about the shiny piece of hardware gracing her ring finger, Foster deflected the questions by instead discussing her symbol-laden dream life:

Run for your lives! Quake! Wait, it's already over? Damn. Oh well, there should be another one rolling through any time now. Go make sure your boss crawls out from under his desk safely while you wait. [quakes.us.gov]

While falling back on your milk-foaming or lap-dancing skills seems like not such a bad idea on most days, don't give up quite yet: The Defamer Job Board will do its best to keep you away from the espresso machine and off the stripper pole.

· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Tiny People Injected Into the Sickly Body Of Originality Edition: Roland Emmerich will direct a remake of Fantastic Voyage for 20th Century Fox. [Variety]
· Production has temporarily stopped on 24 so that the hit show's writers have enough time to adequately dramatize every apocalyptic scenario that would probably come to pass if a Hillary Clintonesque president ever assumed our highest office. [THR]
· Former Daily Show/Colbert Report EP Ben Karlin explains the just-announced, combined film/television deal he signed with a certain premium cable outlet: "When my reps asked me what I wanted to do next, I said firmly, 'not TV.' They said, 'HBO.' I had to admit, they had me there." [Variety]
· ABC's new NASCAR in Prime tanks its premiere, probably because the show clearly belongs on Fox. [THR]
· Jerry Bruckheimer informs CBS that it must buy his drama pilot about a "globetrotting team of freelance treasure hunters" or he will withdraw every one of the 45 weekly hours of programming he generates for them; the network, of course, happily complies, remarking about how much they always wanted a more expensive, scripted version of The Amazing Race. [Variety]

The first reviews have begun to trickle in for The Invasion, a Warner Bros. production plagued by paparazzi-captured car crashes and a German auteur, discharged by the studio after his esoteric vision failed to deliver the kinds of zombie car chases that put asses into summer movie theater seats. With an early Tomatometer Score of 15%, the ominous buzz hanging over the late-August dumping ground release appears to have been justified. The Invasion may have reportedly brought in the Wachowski siblings at the 11th hour to hit all the required projectile-vomiting notes, but, ironically, for a movie about a dehumanizing alien virus, the consensus seems to be that that it woefully lacks a heart. Here's sample of what the critics are saying:

The good news is that we're not going to get a fourth painfully derivative iteration of CBS's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation franchise. The bad news is that creator Anthony Zuiker has decided to build a CSI-branded crime lab in Second Life. This fall, Gary Sinise, the lead on CSI: New York, will chase a killer into virtual worlds. Viewers can then follow the Gary Sinise avatar into Second Life, where they'll help solve the mystery in a virtual Crime Lab. The television conclusion will air sometime in the spring.

The not-unexpected demise of Fox News' right-wing Daily Show, The Half-Hour News Hour is celebrated as a victory for Comedy. [HuffPo]

As recently as April 25th, Britney Spears had her shit sufficiently together to complete a cover photo shoot without fondling herself, sharing the magical sounds of her open-door micturition with the crew, or using the day's wardrobe items as impromptu, couture pooper-scoopers, at least according to Allure. In a website gallery of the photographic work accomplished back on that landmark day, the magazine brags that Spears "voluntarily posed" for their September issue, a gentle flip of the bird to the competing publications that will now need to sedate the rampaging pop star with horse tranquilizers if they hope to compile a collection of publishable images.

We're nothing if not suckers for a nice feel-good story, especially when it's accompanied by a fun chart where Spider-Man scales a pillar representing the obscene amounts of money some of our favorite movie studios are making: With four different films crossing the $300 million mark, Hollywood is enjoying its Best Summer Ever, a period of prosperity that is erasing all memory of that nasty, alleged "Slump" of 2005, when executives were forced to answer all kinds of rude questions about why their shitty product wasn't selling. During this new Golden Age of Very Profitable Threequels, they instead get to crow about how smart they are in the pages of Variety:

Every time we attempted to watch more than 30 seconds of Dog the Bounty Hunter, we always found ourselves wishing that someone would replace the pro-wrestler-looking guy with the ass-length mullet with a bunch of
chicks who would occasionally type on laptops, roundhouse-kick heavy bags, and say things like, "We're gonna have to Tazer this guy!" or "I'm gonna bring him out with my big, sexy, luuurrring ways." A thank you, then, is owed to Court TV for so thoroughly meeting all our bounty hunting show needs, as demonstrated in this Today clip. We might finally have something else to check out on the network after we're done watching freakishly thin Star Jones learn to live with the decreased capacity of her walnut-sized stomach.

• 'So You Think You Can Dance' poised for finale [LAT]

Even though we have credible fears that Suri Cruise is as much android as she is human, we have to admit: that's one damn cute little toddler. So cute, in fact, that Tom and Katie are already able to put her to work hawking clothes for Baby Gap. Hey, those preschool auditing sessions aren't going to pay for themselves. [ExtraTV]

· Music round-up: Junior Senior at the Roxy; Gore Gore Girls at Amoeba; Suicide Club at Spaceland.
· Unabashed Shrek superfans Tim and Eric bring their Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! to the Troubadour.
· Late 70s/early 80s sexbomb Adrienne Barbeau signs her new book, There Are Worse Things I Could Do, at Book Soup. Ask your dads about their inappropriate fantasies arising from her stint on Maude to get a better idea of her pop-cultural impact.

Can't an Evil Development Exec who's completely out of sequel ideas get some frickin' velociraptors with frickin' laser beams on their backs? [Film School Rejects]

A little earlier today, the people behind Jackass ensemble member Chris Pontius' Untitled Male Stripper Comedy began delivering the script to some potential studio partners via a courier wearing a Speedo, a temporary Playboy bunny tattoo, and little else, a stunt sure to generate a bidding war just as intense as the one generated by the armored lackeys CAA hired for its Halo extravaganza of summer 2005. A brave Defamer operative snapped this photo of their scantily clad delivery guy, whose, ahem, package, was quite unexpected.

Ranking at the very top of a list we keep of Celebrity Pairs We Hope To Never See Making Out—and beating out such unholy couplings as Peter O'Toole/Nicole Richie and Elizabeth Taylor/Haley Joel Osment—has long been Sir Ben Kingsley and either of the Olsen Twins, the subjects of one our most troubling recurring dreams. (We will spare you the details, no matter how fiercely you beg us to share them. Just know that a messy chocolate souffle is involved. We've said too much!) But thanks to the upcoming indie film The Wackness, we'll soon have the opportunity to see the much-unclamored-for Kingsley/Mary-Kate osculation outside of our fragile, obviously very damaged subconscious. Worse still is the way in which Sir Ben describes his co-star to Access Hollywood: